Dancing with the Beloved

Mysterious Window

DEERFIELD BEACH, FL–In an effort to resolve my “spiritual identity crisis,” last night I attended my first kirtan with Sula. A few months ago, Chandi had sent me an audio of a kirtan that she had participated in and I loved the way the sound of the chanting made me feel inside. I sensed–and I believe Sula did as well since it was she who suggested it–that all those loving, chanting, vibrating voices would shake something loose and help unlock my blockage.

While everyone sang and chanted in Sanskrit, I sat in meditation and visualized the Light/my Beloved. During some chants, She (the Light/God/Beloved/Pure Awareness) would seem distant and vague. During others, we–She as clear and radiant light and I as clunky, solid me–would hover just above the top of my head (I know how weird that sounds). Toward the end of the evening, the chants seemed to take on a more emotional and reverent tone. During these songs, I felt Her sliding downward through the top of my head and into my chest where we, like snakes intertwined, would swirl around and around each other in a rhythmic dance to the music.

I believe this is the key to my dilemma, our “core” personality (not the personal self) is still required to function in Life. Like the dream of the Mask (“You won’t survive without a mask”), the personality without the personal self is like the mask in the dream, physical and with unique features, but clear and transparent. This transparent mask–but with unique features–is required for “God to incarnate in this world”–for our True Self to find a voice and body and way through the world. The union of the two, not the sacrifice of the core personality to the One, is what brings harmony and balance to enlightened (non-personal) consciousness.

So, until these two halves settle in and find their harmony, I’ll hold off on the talks/satsangs and just work on more day-to-day activities–“handy-manning” the condo I’m staying in, working on some projects for myself and others, etc. Little, low-energy, routine tasks which will help free up the majority of my “psychic” energy to do whatever it feels best for Her/me/Us to find our rhythm.

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4 thoughts on “Dancing with the Beloved

  1. Wayne,

    The Bhagavad Gita sums up your dilema perfectly. It says “Reside in the Self”. This is first and foremost the most imporant thing. Our truest nature is God consciousness. So live in that awareness. Then when it comes to dealing with the day to day we are instructed to “Strive without attachment”. “Striving” is the quality of yang and “non-attachment” is the quality of yin. So the way is this: Identify with the “Self”, not the “striving” and not the “without attachment”. You already are perfect. Hope this helps. Enjoy.

  2. Hm …. “Kirtan”, huh? Sounds pretty weird …. :o) … though it’s also been a milestone of my overall spiritual practice and frequent life enjoyment, for a few years now … “hence the user name.” Here’s a YouTube Playlist of mine that’s full of it (Kirtan, that is) if you or anyone is interested. Kirtan, as may be expected, “comes from the Sanskrit” … from the roots “Kir” action, and “Tan” … expansion, and so, “kirtan” … sitting around and chanting Sanskrit mantras with anywhere from a few, to a few hundred of your closest friends-of-the-moment … draws on some very powerful principles of consciousness (namely the “sangha” the “the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha”) … the aggregate power of the consciousness and intention of the like-hearted group, and its activity … and the expanded power of that action, focus, intention and devotion. The group consciousness, combined with the power of mantra, emotion, music, vocalization and breathing … kirtan is a powerful and enjoyable practice. Fun, too.

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