DEERFIELD BEACH, FL–I held a “test” satsang (talk) with friends on Saturday, and, as with most feedback from my fellow Floridians, I got mixed reviews. From my perspective, some aspects flowed nicely while others felt forced and clunky.
Nine friends were invited. Four showed up. The talk seemed to resonated with two, and the other two were critical (one openly hostile or, if you are the PC type (which I’m definitely not), healthily aggressive).
As with any worthwhile growth, once the pain fades, insights are usually revealed.
The main criticism seemed to be that I present a mixed message and energy. “Are you a Student or a Teacher?” was the key question. My answer was, “I don’t feel like either.”
Once again quoting Marc Gilson’s review of Fading Toward Enlightenment, “He (Wayne) is not a guru or a teacher. He is an explorer, a field man more than an academic.” Somewhere along the line I seemed to have drifted away from that “explorer-who-doesn’t-have-all-the-answers” humbleness in my message and tone.
My Missing Identity
Part of my problem is that I don’t know who or what I am anymore. The cut-and-paste answer is that I am “pure awareness” but that isn’t what it feels like. Since my identity with the personal self dropped, I seem to be in “constantly shifting” mode. I go from being Oneness to Passion to Thinking to Talking to Eating to Sleeping to Bliss to Confusion to the Present to the Future. About the only thing I don’t seem to be is the Past. Six months into this awakening and I still don’t feel “settled.”
So I’m looking at this. I’m diving deep into my (mind? awareness?) to see what the hell I’m missing. I know it has something to do with “transcend and include.” I’ve transcended the ego, but I’ve yet to integrate the “higher version” of it. Any useful links on “here’s how I adapted to me not being here anymore” would be appreciated. 🙂
It's Time To Wake Up
Mystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of Being is a step-by-step guide to enlightenment and beyond.
It's Time To Be Happy
It's Time Let Go
Imagine I have only seven days left to live.