Is “She” God?

Heron of the Pines

PALM BAY, FL–One of the most difficult concepts I have getting across is what I mean by “She” or “Her.” People often misunderstand what I mean when I talk about “Her,” and this is completely my fault. I’m just too inept to describe Her properly. More below the break (huh?).

At the top of the Enlightenment Mountain, there is no “other.” Everything is One Thing. There is no you, and at the same time, there is only You.

Oneness is Reality. Imagination (thoughts) create Separation. Separation is Illusion.


To communicate and function in the world, we have to swim in the Sea of Illusion–the World of Separation. For me(illusion/imagination) to explain to you(illusion/imagination) my(illusion/imagination) perceptions, then I(illusion/imagination) have to use words(symbols(illusions/imagination)). Naturally, after a few years of this, we (as toddlers) start to confuse the words and symbols for Reality itself when in fact these “imaginations” are just symbols to help our minds grasp concepts. From that moment forward we start to believe the Illusion of Separation.

Oneness is Reality. Imagination (thoughts) create Separation. Separation is Illusion.

So when I talk of She/Me/The Universe, I’m talking about She as:

  1. God not separate from You.
  2. You not separate from the World around You.
  3. The Divine within Everything (You, Me, Rocks, Trees, Clouds, Frogs).
  4. Your Beloved when You are completely one (merged) with Him/Her.

The trick to understanding what I mean by “Her” is to think of Her as BOTH The One Thing and a separate thing. This is one of those spiritual paradoxes or Zen koans you have to get your mind wrapped around if you want to understand nonduality.

Now, if you want to see and feel and rejoice in the beauty of Her, you also have to wrap your HEART around the paradox of Her as separate and One–something most nondualist fail miserably at (reflected in their dry, dull, often plagiarized descriptions of what they call Nonduality (capitalized)).

Because I feel Her rather than just understand Her, I often talk of Her poetically, even romantically. I often talk of Her as a Lover because She feels like both a lover to me and Everything as Me (see #4 above).

She is Everything when I am Nothing.

She is separate when I am separate.

She is You–and though you may not realize it, She always has been.


In Fading Toward Enlightenment, I describe my first encounter with Her back in 2000:

Under the moon on that clear night, both frightened and amazed, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Back,” I said, and my whole life changed forever.

Wholeness. Contentment. Joy and Bliss. Awareness without an Other. Love radiating outward into itself. No beginnings, no endings. No births or deaths. To Life, there is no opposite.

From the Stillness, a subtle tug, a tiny ripple on the empty ocean. A single twitch, a little pull and suddenly there were Two.

Ripped apart by desires unknown. She, the World and I, me. No longer One, we now were Two. It’s all my fault… Forgive me.

Like being torn from the womb, this too was a terrible separation, but far, far worse. Because he had failed to learn the lessons of his true Self, a disturbance was created in the Void. With a Big Bang this disturbance created the Universe and he was expelled from Heaven, cast out of Eden, and exiled from his Beloved.

Under the moon on that clear night, my tears turned the stars to halos. Wracked with guilt and self-disgust, I had committed the ultimate betrayal.

We had been One, but now no more, my weakness–simple desire. By wanting more, we split in two. I, the Ego and She, the World. I apart from She.

Night and Day divided by Dawn. Forever close but never joined. Two mute lovers just out of reach: destined to see. Doomed never to hear. Doomed never to touch.

What would you do to merge with Her? What atrocities would you commit? What tortures would you endure to be united once again?

He lay on the ground under the moonlight and through his tears vowed that he would do anything–anything to merge once again with Her. To be One again, he would gladly suffer life and separation and pain and pleasure over and over and over again until he finally mastered his lessons. Until he found the way to join with Her forever.

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13 thoughts on “Is “She” God?

  1. Your confusion about “Her” might be caused by limited understanding. In the Yoga Sutras Patangali writes about how to stabilize the experience of union with the soul. He suggests that this requires tremendous amount of discriminating work, years even, even decades. It would seem natural that if we are only part way down the road to direct knowledge of the soul that it would be confusing. Many have glimpsed the view from on top of the mountain of “enlightenment”, yet few have learned to integrate that perspective into daily living. Good luck on the path.

  2. @Terry: Confused? Maybe my explanation is confusing (@everyone: if it’s still confusing, let me know), but as to “Her,” I’ve never felt clearer.

    I’ve never been a fan of dead people’s opinions. In other words, taking texts from other cultures that have been translated from their native tongue into English (way too much chance of misunderstanding, and besides, I like to find these things out for myself), so I guess my perspective of “Her” as compared to what Patanjali might have said in Sanskrit and might have meant in his ancient culture of 200 BC India may be slightly different. 🙂 But who knows?

    Like I said though, I prefer first hand experience to second or third or fourth hand “knowledge.”

  3. I have always felt I am part of the Universe, the Earth, the Moon, the sky, water, air, dirt–I am a “carbon based life form” as Data used to say on Startrek…I was meant to live here and no where else, Earth is my home…I have no wish to live in a place called Heaven if it even exists…
    This I have embraced my whole life. I wish everyone could feel the connection that I feel, I think it would bring inner peace and a quality of life to all that is my greatest desire.

    Each and every time I take a shower with fresh clean warm water I mentally give thanks to the Universe for putting me in the geographical location where I am and wish that all the woman in Africa would have this same luxury…but I know that it doenst happen that way, the only way that woman in Africa can get what I have is for me to give it to her, for ME to go there and drill her a well, give her the tools she needs ….My question is what will you do with your Enlightenment- is it for your own personal happiness to reach a state of peace, or to create change in the world–
    Whats the point of reaching this plane of enlightment? Does that alone satisfy what you are seeking? For me the purpose of my connection is to do what I can to PROTECT the Earth and the creatures on it in my daily life…by changing the way I live as much as I can and still live a comfortable life and not upset the balance. ITS not enough it never is– but I sleep better at night knowing I did the best I could to honor my little piece of paradise.

  4. @Sonda: Synchronistically I used to work for the father of this young lady who runs A Spring of Hope. Please contact them as they dig wells for villages in Africa. Tell them I said “Hi.” (Brittany was too young to remember me, but her mother Joanne will).

    As for what I’ll “do” with this enlightenment thing: Right now, just this blog in a hope it helps seekers find their way. As for later? That is still “coalescing,” but I suspect there will be much more soon enough.

    The benefits of enlightenment? One tiny one is if everyone woke up to Reality, no one would ever kill another person ever again–no more wars, no more violence, no rapes, murders, or tortures–but then that’s just the start. 🙂

    On a personal level, imagine the connection you feel to Mother Earth as you described. Now multiply that feeling by a factor of 100. It really is that beautiful and profound.

  5. Back from a most splendid weekend of nature therapy in our beautiful Kruger Park feeling refreshed and Sandy’s words of celebrating our earth Mother is music as love and gratitude for her earth/Mother/Universe that sustains and nurtures us so quickens the spirit in all.

    And to Wayne our most creative inspiration through the writings on the passion in your heart that envelope embrace all those in your sphere yes living a spiritual life is living life to the fullest it is each and everyone’s birthright to feel this moving through our veins being breathed into life on the breeze of knowing that comes from the deepest level of our humaness. Where we are brave to look, eager when we discover that life is living from the inside out many change will come from the braveness and the enquiry we are ever graced and lifted into our highest mode living from the heart. Celebrating life on all levels with all we come into contact with from the heart is freedom feeling life.

    Blessed gratitude to all of you sharing life, there is only love the rest just beauty tainted to bring those vibrant colours to the one rainbow..

  6. Hi Wayne,

    I am from Holland, actually living in a little village with my wife and two boys of almost 16 in the north west of Holland, not far from the sea. I saw a video of you, you explain how you get ‘enlightened’. What can I say, I know you are telling the truth , it is really wonderfull. I hope lots of people may listen to you, and may it be the right ones. I have had experiences of the same kind. Being without thoughts is being nothing and everything at the same time. Now you know all that probably better than I do, I am a artist (painter)and trying to put some of the vasteness of those kind of experiences on canvas, my website need to be urgently refreshed, but o k ,someone made it and I can’t change it myself.
    I wish you all the best and I hope that you keep telling about the beauty of being fully alive without the interference of thoughts, and about the path or rather the non existence of a path t o achieve such a state.

    Greetings from Holland and the heart,


  7. ‘You’ have written a wonderful and moving passage which ‘I’ in our separation totally get. When thinking about ‘Her’ (I once drew the experience as a Madonna and Child, which hitherto had not interested me as an artistic form but I now understand as THE fundamental icon) I have often wondered if my perception is affected by my sex – seeing ‘God’ from the male end of the see-saw. It is interesting that some see ‘Her’ as a powerful ‘Father’ where my experience is of an infinite, adoring, feminine Compassion – which is by the way what I look for in a Madonna and Child. Incidentally, I recently saw one by Picasso where the parental figure is ambiguous as to sex.

  8. Wayne, thanks for the videos and website. I have a deep connection with your sense of “her” as well as the sense of “one thing”. Last summer, I took a 40 day hike in the desert. Every day I did one thing, woke up, broke camp and walked for 20 miles. Day in and day out, it was the same thing. At first I attempted to hold “I-AMness” in my mind but over time that fell away into nothingness. After about 20 days I started getting surges of love for all things, sort of an overwhelming brotherhood of all people and things. One evening as I was climbing up into the Tehachapis, traversing one long broad mountain shoulder to the next, something began to shift. I began to be aware that I was not separate from these old mountains. I felt and saw a pulsating glow and I knew I was not separate from these ancient beasts. I was the eyes and consciousness of the world, I was the witness of the moment but not separate from the moment. She, the mother Earth, and I were one and I was in a wordless ecstasy. The feeling stayed with me off and on for the next week until I got off the trail and then it slowly left like evaporating mist, as the noise of the metropolis and people came rushing back in. The sadness of the loss has been intense.

  9. Beautiful, Wayne. I see from comments, you’re not a fan of “dead people”. 😉 Myself, I’ve found them sometimes useful as there are so few current people who have described some of the experiences that have arisen. But yes, many texts like Patanjali’s are widely misunderstood. The 8 limbs for example are often seen as steps of a ladder.

    That said, one old idea is “leisha avidya”. It straightforwardly means remains of ignorance. The basic idea is that we can choose to retain a small duality or sense of other in order to sustain our devotional relationship with the divine, post-oneness. We are One but retain a slight duality for love to flow.

    And btw, Oneness is not the top of the peak either. 😉

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