Relationships, Control, Surrender, and Enlightenment

A Still and Misty Lake


Dear Wayne! First I want to thank you for creating this opportunity. I have followed your blog since you showed up on the AYP forum. Before I write my question I would like to ask you not to publish my e-mail (address) on your site if you publish the question. So…my question is about relationships. I have some doubts that the relationship I am in will work over time. How can I investigate this deeper so that my decision is not made in my head, my ego? The risk is, as I see it, that I only bring my issues with me in to the next relationship… the same time I feel it is not healthy to stay in a relationship that is not working. So….how can I know in my heart what the right decision will be? Do you have any input for me on this? Best regards M_

My answer below the break…

Hi M_,

There is an old saying, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” This is a very wise saying, in fact, it can point directly toward enlightenment. It says, “I have no control of my feelings.”

Control is an illusion.

The illusion of control ranks right up there with the Personal Self in the Great Roadblocks toward Enlightenment. 🙂

You can’t feel happy while watching a puppy suffer from a broken leg. You have no control of your emotions.

You can’t stare at a wall for two hours and think of nothing but the wall. You have no control of your thoughts.

Waking up means stepping back. Stepping back from the Personal Self. Stepping back from Control of your Thoughts. Stepping back from Control of your Emotions.

Waking up means simply watching.

There is a stillness to it. A wonderful sense of simplicity.

And in that stillness arises a profound sense of Connectedness.

That felt sense of Connectedness–of feeling one with something so much larger than the Personal Self–is why so many people (including myself) talk of this state in mystical/religious/awed/humbled terms.

Step back. Relinquish control. Surrender. Stop. Allow. Be Still. Relax.

Is this the “right” relationship for you? Be still. Watch your thoughts. Watch your emotions. Look forward 10 years and WATCH how you feel.

Since you follow my blog, you know that I had a hell-of-a-time adapting to the “real world” after waking up. My conditioned mind still tried to “fix” things (and still does occasionally). But the tension I feel when trying to “fix problems” acts as my alarm clock that nudges me and says, “Let go. Relax. I’m driving (She/God/The Divine).”

So be still M_. Let go. Watch. Relax. Open yourself to the One, surrender your “self” to It and soon it will become perfectly clear what path is laid out before you.

When I let go M_, I can do no wrong. I can do no wrong because when I let go I don’t exists. I’m just a hollow shell that She moves through (see “The Enlightenment of Passion” here and here).

Let go. Watch. Surrender completely and She’ll guide you.

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One thought on “Relationships, Control, Surrender, and Enlightenment

  1. Love this. Following this path, we can too often think “I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” “I shouldn’t be X”, “I shouldn’t be Y”. This gives us a more realistic idea of what our responsibility is.

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