PALM BAY, FL–I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve fully integrated this enlightenment thing yet. I’m still tumbling down the mountain, but I feel it coming to an end, so I guess it could be more accurate to say I’m sliding on my butt down the wet grass of the foothills, occasionally hitting a pile of sharp, hidden rocks which remind me I’m still not fully yielding to Her will and intentions.
One of the lessons I’ve learned recently is that, as the Borg liked to say, Resistance is futile.
More below the break (huh?).
Recent events have me staying at my sister’s vacant condo, working on software for income and waiting for my spiritual “vision” (the tumbling down the mountain) to clarify and stabilize. After some doctor shuffling, there’s still no date on my mother’s surgery, but since that’s not my story to tell, I’ll just pull a Forest Gump with “and that’s all I have to say about that.”
The woman I had sold my RV to a while back contacted me and said that her friend lost the title to the RV before it could be registered and wanted me to get another title.
Now my old conditioning is very cautious of people taking advantage of my good will (something it acquired over 40 years of trying to be a nice guy), so my initial and ongoing reaction was to try to get her or her friend to solve this problem on their own. I felt I had too much on my plate and I simply didn’t want to spend the time dealing with government bureaucracy.
There is a much more complex background story to all this, but the main issue was that I had to jump through a lot of hoops to make the RV sale and the whole time I was jumping, I was thinking, “This isn’t right. Why aren’t we just doing a straight sale?” So having “problems” with the sale come back and bite me months later just added fuel to my conditioned reactions.
Emails back and forth just created more resistance on my part. I felt I was being manipulated via her subtle claims of: her helplessness, that I was lying, that I owed it to her, that I wasn’t being a nice guy, etc.. All these accusations were just in my head of course and I have no idea if those were valid implications, but that is one of the points of this post:
The ego barrier often shouts, “I know this is true!” even when it is almost always completely clueless.
A few days into this, I asked myself, “What is it that She (the Universe) wants? Why is She doing this to me? What is it She wants me to see?”
Just like that it was apparent: I clearly heard the old conditioning, the ego barrier shouting, “I know what is right for you! Don’t listen to Her! She’s just in your imagination! Don’t be a bozo! Don’t let this woman (not “She”) walk all over you! No! No! No! Listen to me dammit! Listen to ME! ME! ME!”
Ego barriers are such idiots. They are so dramatic–you’d think they were 5 years old, “Me, me, me, me, me! Nooooooooooooo! Auggggghhhhhh…..”
Resistance is futile.
Resistance is the ego barrier saying, “I’m smarter than She is! I know what is best for you!”
Personally I think it was this exact attitude which got Adam and Eve tossed out of you-know-where on there near naked you-know-whats.
Once I saw this resistance, once I saw the selfishness of my reactions, the insight came to me:
“What difference does it make what I do on this planet as long as it is in alignment with Her?”
She’s got our back. She’s got our best interests at heart. She’s got us covered. We’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about because ultimately: She is Us.
I went down to the DMV and before I could even sit down they called my number. They asked for my driver’s license which showed them that the RV was still in my name and they printed up a new title right there on the spot. Took maybe 10 minutes.
The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.
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