The Swirling in Our Heads

A Deer on a Golf Course

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I have been feeling really down since buying the truck. My mind has been filled with dreads and doubts and worries. My mind has been focusing almost exclusively on problems: Can I have AGMs and Lead Acid Batteries on the same circuit? Should I cut a window here? How do I get all these rivets out? After spending all this money and effort, what do I do if the transmission locks up? People are going to think you are homeless. No one will take you seriously anymore. You’ve made a huge mistake, you’re an idiot.

But all those thoughts are just the mind doing what minds do: worry, solve problems, protect (and criticize) the personal self. More below the break…
Once I started really looking at this–looking at my mind making me miserable–I was free of the conditioning again. Once I stepped back, things (as often happens when you let go) started falling into place: my brother called with some great advice, a blog I follow provided some sage and pertinent quotes, and I soon received some “If there is anything I can do” emails from a number of fans.

Will any of my mind’s fears come to fruition? Who the hell knows, but none of those fears are reality–they simply don’t exist in the real world. This “swirling in the head” is just the mind doing what minds do. Just a bunch of thoughts–nothing that you can see, touch, taste, or smell. Just a boatload of Hortons paddling furiously in circles.

Our problems won’t solve themselves, but the seriousness of them is–quite literally–all in our heads. Keeping this in the front of our awareness makes the frustration, the worries, the doubts, etc., seen as just more mental fluff swirling. None of it is reality.

And when I keep that in mind, it makes all those worries seem silly.

nothing can trouble you but your own imagination …. — Nisargadatta Maharaj

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7 thoughts on “The Swirling in Our Heads

  1. My mind making me miserable. 5 words, each starting with an “m”, all summing up a state that most of us, if not all of us have experienced at a certain point. I guess you are mourning (another “m” sneaking in here) your previous home on wheels… You have always been one of the best advocates and examples of moving forward (I don’t seem to escape the m-words today), and you have always been telling me how important it is to close the door after a decision that has been made, and look back only with a fond memory of what it was that you left behind or conquered or had to bite through, but never with this “oh, no, now what have I done??” Because it’s too late, anyway… obviously.
    Yes, we all have the right to wake up in the morning and fuss and fret and worry and whatif, but we all know or should know that all that only puts a lot of grit into the mental merry-go-round which the high-spirited oilcan keeps well greased up otherwise. Yeah, I know, blah blah blah. 🙂
    Your truck is very very cool and I am sure that – in no time – it will be a great friend. I see it very unlikely that anyone who knows you and has had the privilege of witnessing your spirit, courage and will to live in motion, would ever put the homeless tag on you. (Not that homeless people are not courageous or spirited.) To me, and I know that I am repeating myself, although probably not here, you are the embodiment of a modern nomad. You have so much freedom that most of us work so hard for and some of us will never reach.
    It sucks to read to you are worried, so I keep my fingers crossed for you to find a solution and snuff out those little wicks of doubts soon. “If there’s anything I can do” is added to my well-wishing together with a thought that maybe you should cut a window there, maybe even though you wanted a stealth truck, you miss the view and you feel too boxed in, too constricted. Maybe. Another “m” of a more microcosmic manner.


  2. OR you can think you are a courageous seeker inspiring others to seek peace …….what do you choose for your reality? FEAR-False Evidence Appearing Real

    i believe you are awesome

  3. Interesting. The only ‘thing’ you have to ‘worry’ about is changing your mind about the situation. You don’t have many possessions, or children to feed or a house to attend to… You’ve chosen a very simple life and yet there is a still your mind providing issues. Why is the mind such a foe?

  4. @Everyone: Thank-you to each of you for your comments, well wishes and advice. Yes, the mind is a terrible thing to have! 🙂 Ironically, all the darkness seems to have passed on its own. My mind’s attitude seems to be, “F*** it. Whatever will be–will be.” Thanks again.

  5. Thinking you are in danger and being in danger are two seperate experiences.

    At least that’s what I tell people when Doc runs towards them and they think they are about to loose a leg or arm. When in reality all they are going to get is lot’s of dog lovin’

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