BY A LAKE ABOUT 5 MILES NORTH OF BEACH, NORTH DAKOTA–“Jim and his Karma” left a comment on my last blog post stating basically that he felt I was just kidding myself about this enlightenment thing. (Actually, he left two comments, but I wrote this before receiving the second one). My response below the break (huh?).
I have actually been considering dropping the term “enlightenment” for a while simply because, like the word “ego,” it is filled with ambiguous meanings.
When my personal self dropped about a year ago, I was calling that enlightenment. There is no Wayne Wirs anymore. I’ve completely seen through the story of a special me.
But what am I then?
At times, I seem to be this entity that is looking out of this body and the body is filled with these conditioned responses to stress, desire, and frustration.
Sometimes, when the stress level is high enough, I get pulled into the situation and identify with it (no longer feeling I am the entity watching, but a person with a big problem (see some of my recent posts)). Soon though, I feel myself shifting back to the “watcher.”
Other times, I feel that all my borders have vanished and I feel completely united with everything that I see.
Other times, there is just “this”–whatever is going on at the moment. At those times, there isn’t even any experience of “me.” Just “this.”
So I have often thought of removing the term “enlightenment” from this blog because what or who I am doesn’t seem to fit the perpetually blissed state that Tolle, Adyashanti, et al., seem to project when they are on stage, nor the harsh coldness of the hard core nondualists as they keep repeating their mantra, “You’re Nothing. You’re Everything. You’re Nothing. You’re Everything.”
But, since none of these guys seems to blog about their day-to-day life, I feel it is important to talk honestly and openly about all that can be expected when your personal self has dropped. Someday it is going to happen to you and I hope you’ll find this blog useful: Expect the conditioning to stubbornly persist. Expect to feel contracted around family and friends. Expect to feel totally alone and unsupported. Expect to feel the wonderful flowing passion, the openness, the oneness, and the shifting perspectives.
You see, most nondualist today seem to me to be nothing more than glorified nilhists. They don’t seem to feel anything. They come across like Reality is some rational exercise that they have figured out. To me, they seem like zombies: living dead people. Don’t they see the Light that I strive to show in my photographs? Can’t they feel Her breathing, Her living, Her singing in every bird, tree, cloud, or breath?
Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe something broke inside my brain. I don’t know. But here’s the thing: I see God in everything. I feel Her in everything. I feel Her in me. And quite frankly, I don’t give a damn what you call that, but I know the world would be a lot better place if more people lived this way and I hope, by writing about it as openly and honestly as I can, more people will.
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