Fear, Control and Radiance

A Dying Lake

CLAYTON, NM—As I drift westward—watching for Her signs, listening for Her whispers—sometimes old conditioning tries to tempt me to pick up the reins and wrest control away from Her.

More below the break (huh?).

Mara and the Devil have many faces but all their faces have the same body: Fear.

Control is birthed from Fear. Fear that something will go wrong if we don’t take precautions. Fear that we will be hurt or lose money or be ridiculed if we don’t care and cover our butts and prepare for the worst.

Because we are afraid, we seek to control our lives and the Life around us.

But what happens when you lose your fear? As I drive along, the old conditioned self often raises his doubts. Mara: “Where are you going? What if you don’t find a place to stay for the night? What if you have to pay too much for a room?”

I hear the questions, but without Fear to support them, they no longer hold weight. They pop into my mind, flop around like doomed fish at the bottom of a boat, then pop back out of existence as I feel Her stir and I open up and I let Her flow through me and I let go and surrender and allow and everything works out magically and well.

I’m reminded that She’s got our backs and has our best interests in mind and that there is nothing to be afraid of if we just let go and let Her in and I wish everyone knew this and tried it and played with it and discovered the beauty of Radiance for themselves.

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3 thoughts on “Fear, Control and Radiance

  1. Okey, this blog gave birth to a question in me. All you were saying here is happening to me as well. Just like you [i]in many cases[/i] when the worries/fears take a grip on me I realize it`s just my past conditioning & my mind playing tricks on me. However, this doesn`t happen all the time. Sometimes those worries, or Mara, wins and I feel the worries/fears as real. Of course, in time, with emotional and spiritual maturity this happens less and less. But it still happens…
    Now, you come and say Mara is testing you as well. But how can it be when, for you, there is no Mara (no temptation) left? You say you are enlightened but that you still see Mara? Shouldnt Mara have gone away prior to your enlightenment?
    I understand that now, Mara doesn`t hold weight in your case, but I don`t understand why it didn`t disappear for good?

    Anyway, very inspiring reading. Thank you for sharing.

  2. @Andrei: You’re thinking the story of Buddha, but I’m just relating what is/does happen with me. Two different cultures, different translations, and a whole slew of people re-telling Buddha’s story. So who knows if it is true.

    The mind (mine) still does its thing, it thinks, it shouts, it voices its fears. I just don’t take it seriously anymore. Buddha spent years and years learning to quiet his mind. I say that isn’t necessary. Just don’t take your mind seriously. Distance yourself from it. This distancing is part of the Radiance Level I talk of. You don’t try to control your mind, you surrender trying to control it (and everything else (as much as practically possible)).

  3. Digression warning here Wayne as I resuscitate this post. May be irrelevant, may be fun, both or neither, indulge me as I indulge my little self.
    I was caught by the image of “doomed fish” flopping about in the bottom of a boat. I love fish (all animals really) but I also love catching and eating them. It has always pained me to see them die so desperately. Yet they themselves for the most part survive by eating each other, often whole and alive. They swim in the sea, below the surface, in dark depths. What do they symbolise – if anything ?
    A great mystery.

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