Why I Pepper-Sprayed Myself

Window and Chimney

Silver River SP, Ocala, FL—While I was staying at Wickham Park, I heard of, or saw, four acts of violence (always on weekends, always due to drugs or alcohol).

How does a Man-of-Her deal with violence? How does one handle “God forgotten” moving through Man?

My answer below the break. (Huh?).

The Wirs in me, raised in a heroic family background, says, “Kill the the son-of-a-bitches” but the Her-as-I-truly-am says, “I (Her) am moving through them too” and the last thing a Man-of-Her should ever do is kill God, so getting a gun wouldn’t do, so…

I bought some pepper spray.

In each of the situations, if someone had walked up to the son of a bitch Man-of-God-forgotten and pepper-sprayed his ass eyes, then that would have quickly resolved the situation.

But…

Being a Jack Reacher-type and needing to know that my weapon of choice works as expected, well, in good conscience I had to pepper-spray myself.

To the ladies out there: Spray once, release for a second, then spray again.

As soon as I shot the spray toward my face, I instinctually clamped my eyes shut.

I was not affected by the pepper spray at all.

But…

When I washed my face, the burning like a M***** F***** crap chemical dripped into my eyeballs and I couldn’t keep my eyes open for at least two minutes.

So, spray—release—-spray again. The attacker will naturally open his eyes when he feels you stop spraying the first time, and it is then that the second shot of pepper spray with get him.

In other words, when the spray got in my eyes, I was incapacitated long enough for you to get the hell away.

With the spray-release-spray technique, you can feel confident that the son of a bitch offending party will get an eyeful of the spray and be wide open for a good kick in the balls blinded long enough for you to escape.

Just a friendly reminder from your crying-like-a-baby-Man-as-Her-trying-to-deal-with-real-life-situations-person/thing/blogger-guy.

Happy Holidays!

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6 thoughts on “Why I Pepper-Sprayed Myself

  1. Most police agencies say that wasp spray works just as well as pepper spray, BUT they spray up to 27′! The advantage here is that when you spray them in the face from long distance you can get a good running start to line up and kick them in the balls. No field goal kicker ever stood still and booted the ball, all of them know you need at least 7-8 yards to build up full potential.

    Uncle Wayne, I too have sprayed myself (on accident) and I have to agree that while not making me physically immobilized it does force you to keep your eyes closed and it made me cough. Rendering me incapable of following anybody (or retrieving a customers car)

  2. Excellent! My brother gave me several cans of pepper spray I am afraid to take anywhere in case I set them off on myself. And you rarely have 27′ notice that someone means you ill will. It’s not always like in the movies where you see the monster halfway down the block. Sometimes the monster is your own family member 30″ away that until that moment you didn’t know was dangerous. Be prepared

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