A Nagging Doubt

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—I came across the following from Cosmic Consciousness about Sir Francis Bacon and his regrets—toward the end of his life—of giving too much attention to the world of Man, and not enough attention to his Illumination:

“…but misspent it (his Illumination) in things for which I was least fit (law, politics); so as I may truly say, my soul hath been a stranger in the course of my pilgrimage.” – Francis Bacon

That resonated with me.

Am I spending too much time on theories and “teaching it”—and not enough time on living it, growing it, and nurturing it?

The question gnaws at me.

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10 thoughts on “A Nagging Doubt

  1. Sir, it would be wonderful if those changing things of the world brought the great contentment.
    But they do not, will not, cannot! Not for a person like you.

    Living, growing and nurturing IT should be the number one priority.

    After that, theories and teaching IT will be none of your business, nor concern.

    The only thing worthy:

    175. The only worthy occupation is to thoroughly absorb
    the ego by turning Selfward and, without allowing it
    to rise, to thus abide quietly, like a waveless ocean,
    in Self-Knowledge, having annihilated the delusive
    mind-ghost, which had been wandering about
    unobstructed.

    188. [O mind,] do not waste your life in roaming outside,
    pursuing wonders and courting enjoyments; to know
    Self through Grace [Self-enquiry], and to thus abide
    firmly in the Heart, is alone worthwhile.

    500. Worthy to be done is Self-enquiry;
    worthy to be gained is the glory of Self;
    worthy to be given up is the ego-sense;
    worthy to be merged into is one’s own source,
    so that cares and anxieties dies.

    Source: http://www.happinessofbeing.com/Guru_Vachaka_Kovai.pdf

  2. Life is about connections with others.. it’s easy to ‘hide’ and ‘be alone’ meditating soley on the nature of god.. hard to nurture relationships and friendships as they fully point to the paradox of being a soul/spirit in a human/mortal body.. at least this is where i am..

  3. Haven’t you pretty much given up ‘teaching’ anyhow?

    Aren’t your theories simply based on how you’re ‘living it’, and the Illumination that has resulted?

    Aren’t you already quite removed from ‘the world of Man’ in living in a mobile camper, and not working for anyone, or living with anyone?

    Aren’t the things of the world simply a platform/means for your experiencing of Her, and without much meaning of their own for you?

    Or are some things of the world still a significant draw for you?

    Isn’t ‘Wayne’ fading as She is becoming predominate?

    I would think that those answers would be Yes, Yes, Yes, No, and Yes. And if that is so, then what is this doubt about?

    Teaching through the example of (and the telling of) your experiences is the way to go I think, leaving all the rest behind…

  4. Jeesh, if only I were dealing with such a problem. But, just speculating, wouldn’t giving out truth be part and parcel of a greater illumination happening? ~ you know, freely ye have received, freely ye must give sort of thing?

  5. St. Francis reminds you, and re-hearts you, “For it is in the giving that we receive.”
    And Tukaram Maharaj agrees, “In my life I have attained what I had to attain, and now the only reason I live is to serve.”

    Your honest doubt is an expression of the Perfection.
    We thank you for your presence.

  6. Kudos for your openness to feel this and to unhesitatingly reveal it. Your “doubt” is already deeper than these solaces of “you’re a great guy, it is all perfect, carry on”. You do not need encouragement, you need someone with a big stick. The Still Man was such a one. This is not the doubt of speculative skepticism; it is the doubt of penetrating insight, which reveals all ones holdings, previously thought to be true, helpful to others, and usefully organizing, to be an empty burden, an arrogant, self-possessed indulgence, a defence against Emptiness…against Her. Your willingness to be gnawed on is The Way.

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