More below the break (What does “more below the break” mean?).
As I’ve mentioned in recent posts, I’ve been feeling the need to go deeper, to delve into the mysteries of God/Her, to uncover the subtle knots in my being that drag me away from Her.
The students, through no fault of their own, were drawing ‘energy’ from me in the form of constant, one-on-one guidance. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but the Pull keeps tugging—keeps gnawing at me.
So I gave each of the students a piece of personalized advice to help them continue with their practice… and I set them free.
Later, while sitting on a rock in a stream (I’ve been doing that a lot lately), I realized that one student, Michelle, drew no energy whatsoever from me. Why was that? What was she doing differently from the other students which made “teaching” her so effortless?
Simply put, Michelle’s primary focus isn’t in trying to gain anything from the practices. It isn’t in trying to fix herself, or even attain new levels of awareness. Her primary focus is on losing herself—on dissolving into God/Her.
Every other student, very subtly (and I’m sure they will argue with me on this), had a deep—possibly unconscious—desire to improve themselves. To gain or add to themselves.
Rather than uncover themselves as a Soul, they were trying to become a Soul. Rather than uncover their Radiance, they were trying to gain Radiance.
And all that “trying”—all that resistance—was tearing at me.
It’s not their fault. You go to a teacher and expect to gain something. The fault is entirely mine. Mine for not seeing it. Mine for not addressing it sooner.
To my former students, I’m sorry.
I’m new at this—but I’m learning.
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