An Apology To My Former Students


Chewacla SP, Auburn, AL—Last week, I dropped all my students. Then after reconsidering, I kept one.

More below the break (What does “more below the break” mean?).

As I’ve mentioned in recent posts, I’ve been feeling the need to go deeper, to delve into the mysteries of God/Her, to uncover the subtle knots in my being that drag me away from Her.

The students, through no fault of their own, were drawing ‘energy’ from me in the form of constant, one-on-one guidance. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but the Pull keeps tugging—keeps gnawing at me.

So I gave each of the students a piece of personalized advice to help them continue with their practice… and I set them free.


Later, while sitting on a rock in a stream (I’ve been doing that a lot lately), I realized that one student, Michelle, drew no energy whatsoever from me. Why was that? What was she doing differently from the other students which made “teaching” her so effortless?

Simply put, Michelle’s primary focus isn’t in trying to gain anything from the practices. It isn’t in trying to fix herself, or even attain new levels of awareness. Her primary focus is on losing herself—on dissolving into God/Her.

Every other student, very subtly (and I’m sure they will argue with me on this), had a deep—possibly unconscious—desire to improve themselves. To gain or add to themselves.

Rather than uncover themselves as a Soul, they were trying to become a Soul. Rather than uncover their Radiance, they were trying to gain Radiance.

And all that “trying”—all that resistance—was tearing at me.

It’s not their fault. You go to a teacher and expect to gain something. The fault is entirely mine. Mine for not seeing it. Mine for not addressing it sooner.

To my former students, I’m sorry.

I’m new at this—but I’m learning.

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10 thoughts on “An Apology To My Former Students

  1. Interesting post to read. I understand this may be impossible to do for the sake of keeping one-on-one guidance between ‘student/teacher’ private, but what a wonderful example for students, who are unlike Michelle, to have the chance to read student/teach interaction that is unselfish. Interaction that doesn’t suck the energy from another. Unselfish interaction examples… how, without compromising confidential, personal, or private interaction could we see this?
    Thank you

    • @Paul: Obviously I won’t share our interactions, but even if I did, it probably isn’t something that would be apparent in an “analytical” reading.

      It’s almost like an attitude – the softness or humbleness of surrender rather than the hardness of trying.

  2. I have a suggestion that would eliminate the suffering immature students and falling deeper dichotomy. The world itself is already exactly providing the purification that would be sought in solitude, i.e. any apparent resistance in an “other” represents a failure to translate that arising to infinity. If one nakedly lets in that deluded egoic presumption without any qualification whatsoever, it burns away ones own roots of this apparent arising and it resolves in the knowing that the deluded “one” was not other than oneself. And then any such resistance is seen without any binding force…as empty…as a play in Consciousness That I Am. Such is Love. Thus the tendency to retreat to solitude may have a subtle unconscious motive to preserve those roots of self, rather than to offer them up as a Sacrifice in Love Now.

  3. This was a profound post for me. The idea that all of us are attempting to constantly become “better” and improve ourselves is the common-sense method of trying to improve your life. In actuality —- letting go of yourself is the answer. Stipping yourself bare. Becoming rid of all the baggage, the weight, the “stories” that you drag along with you. It needs to be actually stripped from you. The true essense of who you are will hopefully emerge.

    A mind-shifting post. Thank you, Wayne.

    Shari 🙂

  4. @Naranda: Sorry, I’m no longer a theoretical radical nondualist. Living in Oneness (not spewing theories) is what I (and my message) is all about. Ie: Simple words backed up by lived experience.

    @Donna: Glad to see someone likes my photos! 🙂

    @Shari: Thanks. Welcome to the blog Shari.

  5. I agree – that was a profound post for me too. Thank you. I have just tried to surrender…(Oh Dear!) It wont happen until I let go of all boundaries and just merge, but that scares the hell out of my wilful ego.

  6. Hi Wayne , I understand your humble apology and the practical reason behind this. The uncovering of the soul,the uncovering of radiance, rather the energy one applies to GAIN it is awesome wisdom to all of us from your side.
    But, why could nt you teach the same to your old students and get them back, if their earning and seeking is genuine?

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