Her Tests

Sunset in the Desert

OASIS SP, NMShe often tests us. She tests us in order to help us learn how we are faring. She tests us in the “real world” to see how well we have taken to Her lessons.

Think about Your True Nature all you want. Inquire into Your Very Being until the cows come home. Ask “Who am I?” for twenty years and seek Your Ineffable Essence. Thinking and questioning and inquiring are useful, but until we face the challenges of Life, we are just playing mental games. We are just swirling around inside our own heads.

I’m no different from you. She tests me all the time too. More below the break (huh?).

This area, Clovis/Portales/Oasis State Park, has been a testing ground for me. First the truck got stuck in the sand. Then—and I added this to my Miracle Log—the battery on my truck died. Not at the campground after sitting for two days. Not at the laundromat later that day. Not at the restaurant after doing my wash. But a mere twenty minutes later at the Walmart where I was buying supplies. I had just bought a bunch of frozen foods, foods that I wanted to get back to the rig as soon as possible. I turned the key and got nothing but the dreaded, “click.”

I smiled at Her blessing. Anywhere else that I’d been that day would have been a real pain in the ass. But I smiled, gave a little nod of thanks, got out of the truck, walked back into the store and bought a new battery. I replaced it right there in the lot.

The next day—and as an additional test—She started making all sorts of noise in the engine compartment of the truck. I popped the hood, rev’ed the engine and determined that the bearings on my alternator must be going bad.

I said to myself, “Screw it, it’s not my money, it’s Hers,” and I limped into a local mechanic. He listened to it and said, “It’s probably the bearings in your alternator going bad, but we won’t be sure until we pull the belt and fiddle with all the other pulleys.”

In surrendering, She guided me to an honest mechanic who, rather than charge me for a new alternator—what both he and I expected the problem to be and to which he could have very easily charged me and made a much larger profit—just replaced two little pulleys and sent me on my way.

Life is a test.

Your goal in times of trouble, is to be able to honestly say, “Screw it, it’s not my money, it is Hers. It’s not my life—She’s looking out through these eyes—it is Hers.”

Can you honestly say that?

Can you honestly surrender to Her?

She tests us all the time.

The Mystic recognizes that Life is a test. That Life is all about learning and growing and recognizing the wonderful harmony/paradox/enigma of Her living through You.

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5 thoughts on “Her Tests

  1. Isn’t the existence of “Her” or “nothingness” a function of how one chooses(or feels compelled) to look at things?
    Don’t our anthropomorphisms and myths really tell us more about what is “in us” than they objectively do anything “out there”?

    We use our narratives while they seem to work and then find new ones or watch the old ones transform into something new under our nose to find in the end that none of them can ever really encompass the wholeness of “what is” even though they were fecund, meaningful, or a great deal of fun while they lasted as “vehicles” to understanding.

    It all happens within — thusly the “kingdom of heaven is within you”.

    The outside world sits, stone faced as ever, and no savior will ever come from it.

    But we can finally understand inwardly that we never needed one anyway and the grand ruse was a joke we played on ourselves.

    The trip is pretty much the same for us all.
    We arrive newly birthed organisms and depart as organisms no longer capable of supporting organic life.
    But oh! — The convoluted stories we tell between those two points of the journey make it so much more “interesting” if nothing else.

    And she is, stripped of the garb of “about her” and the “her” itself, always silent and perpetually still.

    Thusly “THE ANSWER” is no more than the absence of all questions. 🙂

  2. @kv: “Isn’t the existence of “Her” or “nothingness” a function of how one chooses(or feels compelled) to look at things?”

    To me, “nothingness” implies a lack of intelligence. Not so long ago, I would have agreed with you, that “She” was just a projection of my own personality.

    No more. Synchronicity implies an omnipotent, omniscient intelligence. Synchronicity implies God. This is a big reason I keep a Miracle Log, to assuage my normal doubts and build an ongoing “case of evidence” (for myself) of Her.

    She’s real—and of course Her traits may be projections—but to deny the intelligence, the being, the aliveness of Her/the One Thing, is based on a belief completely without any evidence.

    Simply put, there is absolutely zero evidence that this Intelligence does not exist. There is ample evidence that She does.

  3. Not trying to argue against your experience or the conclusions you’ve reached from it.

    I see “something” and “nothing” as properties of the human mind — an axis/polarity without which it cannot function — not as “things” with an independent existence outside of human thought.

    Whenever we attempt to bring the inexpressible ineffable to a place where the human mind can, in some way, comprehend it then we’re attempting to express the non-dual in dualistic terms — which always leaves something out and, from my experience, leads to more seeking, more confusion, and less clarity.

    Shutting up and being still has taught me more than any books I’ve read, seminars I’ve attended, or lectures I’ve listened to even though I find a I have absolutely nothing at all to say about it and have a hard time understanding how anybody possibly could. It is tantamount to being taken by the beauty of a bird in flight and then shooting it, having a taxidermist stuff it, and hang it on your wall to re-conjure the magic……Just doesn’t work that way.

    Maybe seeking is necessary to make finding seem more precious by making it seem rare.

    I can’t see any other use for it though.

    But that’s just my experience and the conclusion I’ve reached from it.

    It would seem that the new age/spiritual/enlightenment/neo-advaita movements disagree with me as veritable cataracts of “words about nothing” are cascading down the commercial channel and putting a nice jingle in the pocket of some upstart gurus.

    Not that I think you are one or have ambitions to be
    I just know weak humans with desire can be.
    Because, in this small space between my ears, I am one.

  4. KV – you might want to read Waynes “3 Enlightenments” link on the right. There are quite a few people who have had the first shift now, what might be called Self realization, awakening or whatever. With the end of the seeker it can feel very much like “this is it”. As a few well-known teachers did have a single shift, it can become a teaching that this is it, I have arrived. But non-duality has become confused with the internal oneness of awakening. The early emptiness experience confused with the profound fullness of totality.

    Empty silence is NOT the end of the journey. In fact, it is the kindergarten of awakening. With time in the awakened state, the heart opens and perception refines. The layers of reality that make up this world and the profound intelligence orchestrating it become directly experienced.

    It is true that how we experience divinity is partly informed by a persons cultural background, what we bring to the table. But there are also aspects that are beyond our imagination, things that come from the other side. And the simple reality of it.

    This process leads to the direct perception of our origins and role in wholeness and a progressive unification with all levels of experience. The Upanishads summarized it well with the Mahavakyas. They describe both the sequence of realizations and the totality of it. I am That. Thou are That. All This is That. That alone Is.

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