The Lesson

Turning Leaves

CABALLO LAKE SP, NM—I’ve received a lot of emails since getting stuck in the sand the other day, asking if there was some meaningful connection—a connection to my life, to the trials of the millions affected by Hurricane Sandy (see “Transpersonal Emotions”), or to the good-ol’ “Mercury in retrograde” astrological omen.

My answer below the break (huh?).

The morning of the fateful event, at the time I awoke, I felt the familiar but ominous nauseous feeling (see also “Making Personal Decisions”). This feeling often means I shouldn’t do whatever it is I am considering, which in this case was moving camp from the casino to some primitive camping along Elephant Butte Lake.

But I didn’t listen to Her (stupid, stupid, stupid). I left because a few days earlier I had told the casino security guard I’d be leaving “Sunday or Monday” and it being Monday, felt I should leave.

On my way south, I noticed some BLM land on the map that I was traveling near. I pulled off the interstate for a look, said, “Ehh…,” then tried to get back on the highway, but the ramp was blocked by a disabled semi, right at the entrance to the BLM land.

So I parked on the public land for some lunch, and She said, “Why don’t you spend the night right here?” Just then the semi pulled away and unblocked the ramp and my mind said, “No, I want to get to the lake and settle in.”

When will I learn?

I arrived at the state park, dumped my tanks, filled my water, and the Light said, “Look, these are nice spots. Why don’t you just grab one of these and explore the park tomorrow?” and my mind said, “No. I want a primitive spot to get away from everyone, and I don’t want to unhook the trailer just to hook it back up when I do find a good spot.”

And like a fool, I listened to my mind rather than Her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Twenty minutes later I found myself stuck in the sand.

Three hours later, I had managed to move the rig a whole three feet.

24 hours and 250 bucks later I was pulled free.

With the noise in our minds, it’s not easy to hear Her whispers, and when we do, it’s often very hard to surrender to Her wisdom. But when—for whatever reason—your mind says, “I want” or “That doesn’t make sense” or “I’m afraid”, well, then it gets really tricky.

The mind can be both a blessing and a curse, but when your personal self falls away… it’s usually a curse.

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6 thoughts on “The Lesson

  1. Glad you’re OK Wayne. Seems like I am always second guessing myself….usually….in my case…not knowing which voice to listen too. For me, it’s not so easy knowing which is the mind talking and which is SHE. Any advice on how you can tell for sure. I know it’s kind of a gut feeling, right??!!

  2. Glad you and the rig (?) are okay. Love this post. Being quite enough to hear the whisper and then wise enough to follow it is a heavenly combination. One of my favorite songs is by Jana Stanfield, “Listen to the Whisper.” It parallels everything you said. Enjoy your new spot! HugZ.

  3. @Gary: How do you know? Dis-identify with the mind and get to know Her: Live as a Soul, the Radiance, then Oneness (I know I keep saying it, but it’s true).

    @Debra: Thanks!

    @Trina: Yup, Perpetual perfect performance (in humans) is a myth. 🙂

  4. Wayne, I believe I had a glimpse of “Her” one time. One night I was dreaming that I was rising up to something peaceful….maybe something bright, not sure, way above me. I couldn’t tell what it was but as I approached it I felt my fears dissapear, and felt really loved. My troubles and problems that I usually worry about seemed to mean very little and my body seemed very light, kind of like when I was a little kid, and no aches an pains as I usually felt. Then I slowly started to feel myself start to slide back down from above and I remember trying to stay in that peaceful moment but couldn’t hold on to it. Then I awakened from the dream and remember feeling very dissapointed that I was no longer in that presence and back to my “reality.” It’s only happened once but I remember it vividly.

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