Doubts and Miracles

WICKHAM CP, FL—The morning sky was overcast and She whispered in my ear and I grabbed my camera and drove toward the beach. As I crossed the St. Johns River*,my mind said “Right” but She said “Left” and I parked on the left side of the strip of land that crosses this mile-wide portion of the Intracoastal Waterway. My mind kept trying to convince me the other side was more picturesque, but I ignored it and turned to focus on the empty waters in front of me.

Seeing nothing, I walked along the dreary shore, took some so-so photos of rocks and light poles and nothing of importance and my mind said, “Go over there! Cross the road. The light is better, the sky is better, there are boats and people and stuff to take pictures of. This side sucks! Why do you always listen to “Her”? Why don’t you listen to me for a change? Come on, don’t be a stubborn fool, cross the road and go over there!”

And I stood still a moment and I looked over there and I saw the photographic possibilities and the sunlight and the clouds and the interesting people and I was tempted.

Then my body sighed, and I turned away and continued the lonely walk on my side of the highway, looking at the dreary landscape “over here” and waiting to see if I really was crazy, if Her whispers had really just been in my head—if I was taking this Her-thing too far, too seriously, too… Real-ly.

I reached the end of the islet and the beginning of the bridge and I took a few shots and turned around, glancing “over there” with a bit of regret and a lot of doubt.

Dejected and unsure, I looked out at the open featureless water “over here” when suddenly a porpoise broke the surface directly in front of me. Soon he was joined by two others, each of them feeding in the shallow waters, herding the schooling fish and picking off the stragglers.

Ten yards out they fed—the odds astronomical that they’d appear at that exact moment in this tiny section of the 8000 square miles of the St. Johns River*. Astronomical when viewed that I was led there in spite of my better judgement—and in a very real sense against my will.

Out of nowhere they had appeared as if God Herself had placed them directly in front of me—at the very spot where I had been standing filled with doubts and dejection just moments before.

Serenely, with a beautiful sense of grace and ease, they’d break the water’s surface with their arching backs and curved fins. I took a few photos, then relaxed and smiled and thanked Her and put the camera away and just watched.

Behind me, the cars on the highways sped past, their drivers rushing off to their busy lives. The people walking and jogging “over there” on the picturesque side, hurrying by, ignorant of the magic and beauty happening on this side of the road. My mind went quiet, humbled at having doubted Her whispers—at having doubted Her guidance.

Just offshore, the porpoises ate their fill, then swam off into the open, empty waters at the dawning of a new day.

Morning Porpoise on the St Johns River

Morning Porpoise on the St. Johns River*

*Edit: Apparently this is the Indian River, not the St. Johns. My bad.

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5 thoughts on “Doubts and Miracles

  1. Lovely! I go for a lot of walks, with and without my camera, and try to consciously follow the guidance I get about where to go, where to look. I often am rewarded with amazing finds and interactions.

    I once went for a walk on a friend’s farm and came back and reported I had seen two deer and a jack rabbit in the horse pasture. She responded, “You always attract magic when you come here!” I was surprised, and resisted, saying, “No, it’s already here, I just notice it.” But I think we were both right. Being open and following the guidance, allowing the magic, does attract the magic that is already there.

  2. Wayne, you and Susan have the great advantage of listening in expectation of a revelation…. Yet with no expectation at all. No wonder THAT ONE creates the timing of those wonders. You both are awash in the pleasure of receiving.

  3. When you are still and quiet, when you are waiting without expectation, when you are listening with your whole being, then She will come.

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