Why I Blog

Fallen Leaf

PERCHA DAM SP, NM—Joyce, the tent-toting spiritual seeker I’ve mentioned before, stopped by unexpectedly yesterday. We had a nice, hour-long chat and she raised some excellent points about how easily my blog and message could be misinterpreted by serious seekers of enlightenment.

This provided me with a very good opportunity to clarify why I write this blog.


Instead of trying to appear translucent about my life, I endeavor to be as transparent as possible. I’ve always found it a bit suspicious that most people who claim “enlightenment” don’t talk about their day-to-day lives. When we wake up, we see through the illusion of the personal self—we stop taking it (and our thoughts) so seriously. So there is really no reason (as I see it) to “hide” our personal lives. Indeed, when I was “seeking” I would have killed to read an ongoing diary (a personal blog) of an awakened individual.

Being so transparent though, this blog could very easily be taken as egotistical and self-centered (“Me, me, me, me ,me!”). That’s not the purpose of the transparency. From my point of view, I could care less about this Wayne-thing (though my mind does). Now do you see how odd that sounds? How odd perceiving your thoughts (as opposed to identifying with them) is? Do you get kind of a sense of what it feels like in here? That feeling is exactly what I hope to convey to readers: that when the personal self is seen through, your inner world becomes very… odd (by society’s standards). Which leads me to…

What “Enlightenment” Feels Like

What goes on in an awakened person’s life? “I heard you don’t have thoughts! I heard you can perform miracles! I heard you live in bliss 24/7!…” Lots of myths surround this state of spiritual evolution. Most of these myths are based on writings of—not of gurus long dead—but of followers of gurus long dead.

When you see through the illusion of a personal self, why would thoughts stop? Why would pain not hurt? Why would conditioning just vanish? Why? Well, it doesn’t. What does happen is that you stop taking your thoughts and your conditioning so seriously.

When you wake up, perception and thoughts separate. A distance forms between them. You perceive your thoughts as “stuff out there” much as you perceive music playing on a radio. Oddly, when this happens, you really don’t know what “you” are anymore. Worse, you don’t always know where your knowledge comes from. Which leads me to…

The Mystical

What truly surprised me, what I resisted for almost an entire year after my illumination, was how the world around me (things and events in it) would seem to “look out” for my well being when I surrendered and flowed with whatever was happening, and conversely, how painfully bad things would get when I tried to control them. Prior to awakening, this wasn’t an issue, but after awakening, it became a repeating and consistent pattern.

Being a very rational man, I could come up with only one viable explanation for how the world could “line up” so synchronistically for me when I was being “good” (living true to the awakening): There had to be a caring, omnipotent, and omniscient entitysomething that had the ability and power to manipulate far-reaching objects and events. Most would call that entity God, but that had too many religious connotations for my tastes. This entity felt very intimate, very caring and loving. Very close. So I took to calling it “Her.” She feels like a lover to me, like my better half.

Interestingly, it was only later—indeed quite recently—that I found this to be a common trait of many awakened people. There was even a term for it: the duplex personality.

This duplex personality—this odd experiencing of God both through this body and at one with this body, while at the exact same time as separate from me—is why I consider myself a mystic and why I shun the term “enlightenment” with all its dry, empty and dead connotations.

A Path To Awakening

I haven’t presented a detailed method in this blog for awakening yet (though I tried right after the shift)—and quite frankly—there may not be a one-size-fits-all path since everyone’s lives (and more importantly, attachments) are different. But I awoke following a quite unintentional path: An unexpected past life memory led to me living as a Soul. Deep introspection and practice led to me focusing on “Awareness in action” (what I call the Radiant Level), and then a simple frog climbing out of a brook showed me—in no uncertain terms—the “demon” of the mind (identifying with thoughts).

This path—to live as a Soul, then live as Radiance, then detach from the thoughts and live in Oneness—is why, well, why I harp on these issues so much in this blog. I do intend to write a book about this path one day, to help those to whom the idea of weakening the ego gradually makes more sense than trying to somehow just drop it.

But as to when the book will be written? Well, I can only tell you that whenever I start thinking seriously about outlining it, I’ll feel Her gently leaning in close and sensuously whispering into my ear, “Oh, Wayne. Not yet.

After reading that last sentence, I think I may have an insight into why others who’ve been through this process don’t blog about their personal lives: Because people would think they’re crazy.

But you want to know the weirdest part? She/We/I don’t care if you think this guy’s nuts. Doesn’t matter to us one bit. We still love you. 🙂

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7 thoughts on “Why I Blog

  1. I’m not sure about why there is a concern for misinterpretation, on the contrary, I believe your duplex, personaltranspersonal observations are less like to misinform. Generally, the things you say have personally, valuable (soulful) associations to my own experiences and not to some well organized conceptual metaphysical system, which I have come to value less and less.

  2. Dear Wayne, I just love it when someone notices a couple of missing puzzle pieces have fallen under the table and actually bothers to pick them up and put them back. Really nice work.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Love, Whitewolf

  3. Hah! Those last four words made my nose burn, a sign that water in my eyes would soon follow. After all is said and done, and of all the other words on the page are read, it’s those four that stay, written on my heart.

  4. Nice post Wayne. No matter how many times I read accounts of how it feels to “awaken”, I still enjoy it immensely. It’s nice to get your realist, down-to-earth version as opposed to the purely ethereal, Zen-like minimalism the I have seen described repeatedly.

    For me, your blog has burned away a lot of the fog that obscures knowing how it feels to be awakened in your everyday life. In some small way, it’s a kind of let down, (the bliss 24/7 thing), but overall, definitely worth the knowledge.

    I look forward to the experience.

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