Why I Suck

Abandoned Barn

OUTSIDE MAGDALENA, NM—The title is a play on a post from awhile ago, Why You Suck, but enough about you already, let’s talk about me.

The reason I don’t have a large following, why I’m not spiritually business savvy, why I suck as a spiritual “teacher”—aside from being openly transparent—is because I have a distinct lack of focus.

She’s got me talking about way too many things.

Adyashanti’s got his Emptiness. Tolle’s got his Presence. Katie’s got her Turnaround.

Uggh. Gag me with a spoon. Seriously, enlightenment is sooo boring. I mean really, how long can you talk about Nothing? It’s like a Seinfeld episode with all the funny parts removed, “It’s a show about Nothing!”

Most spiritual teachers are successful because they have focus, but I suck because I’m all over the place.

I don’t have a clear message.

Should my message be:

What should my focus be?

I don’t know. She’s got me all over the place.

Which is why I suck.

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21 thoughts on “Why I Suck

  1. It is possible that Tolle, Adya and Katie are merely doing/saying/being what “She” is telling them. It is possible that you are projecting your own envy onto their relative spiritual “success”.
    It all comes down to surrender and acceptance doesn’t it? Can you accept “being all over the place” (sometimes referred to as non-local.)
    My 2 sense.

  2. There are a wealth of spiritual teachers around. All kinds of teachers. Some have focus and some don’t. Some share, some expound, others impart – sometimes directly. Some do it online, some in person, with many or few, any or just the chosen.
    Ultimately, it’s what you want to communicate. It’s worth remembering that ‘waking up’ is not the end of the road – some might say it’s just the beginning.

  3. Wayne, the way you live is a/the message in itself. Your life-situation expresses the inner reality: freedom and all that implies. (And lets face it–if you really wanted a bajillion students would you be living the life of a nomad in the desert?)

    I’ve heard Eckhart sometimes bemoan his celebrity. There are times he misses the intimacy of working with small groups or one on one with people. It was the ‘trade’ that had to be made in order to reach more people. But I am not telling you anything you don’t already know.

    I often say that it took a village to wake me up. (After I kicked my own ass into submission, of course.) There is no one guru or teacher that ‘did it’ for me. I love them all. Each has something to give– something deeply intimate that they shared to open me further still. I count you among those,Wayne. You were a kind voice during a delicate/confusing period–something Eckhart could not directly be–and most likely never will.

    Again–I’m not saying anything that you don’t already know. But it is important for me to say that what you are doing is ‘it.’ Just keep doing what you’re doing–you are right now freedom truly personified.

  4. Well, for my part, you have sure helped me to take my mind less seriously and to connect more with the light. And, ironically, working with you makes me focused. (obviously, I have the same problem!)

  5. We all think we suck, that’s why we appear here on the earth. It’s our purpose to realize that we really don’t suck 🙂

    I don’t believe you lack focus. You follow your (Her) excitement, your (Her)joy. You’re probably luckier than most people because you CAN find the joy in so many things.

    As a reader I find your message clear and calming and I affectionately refer to you as “The Mystic Camper”. You walk the talk Wayne. Truth and transparency are what the world needs now. Thank you.

  6. I’d been feeling less than successful (for other reasons, including financial troubles) lately, and have been sitting with it, and noting the whole success/failure see-saw seems to be very much interpretive based on societal conditioning, and not so cut-and-dry.

    I actually enjoy most the things and people that cannot be easily defined. What I have found in Adyashanti’s presence (my main teacher) isn’t that he’s focused (which I could care less about, that’d smack too much of branding), it’s that he reflects such a clear mirror and presence especially when I’m in his real-life presence that I can be jolted out of my mind’s grasping for any and all definition. To the extent that any spiritual teacher is “successful,” I’d not know how to judge that for certain, but I’d lean to say that it isn’t by how many folks are clamoring for their books, or how much of a following they have, or how famous they are, but if they can be–emphasis on BE–that Self that the student can know at a non-verbal level that they are that Self. Even if that student is just one, it would be worth more than 5000 students that are simply fan boys and gals and never realize for themselves that the teacher is everywhere, everything. So, from that measure I think you could count yourself successful.

  7. The last two years I have taken time off and gone for long Pacific Crest Trail hikes (over 8 weeks total) with a spiritual exercise planned, all day long, day after day. Both years I had some kind of dramatic shift in consciousness. Last year I had the experience that I was not separate from the Earth and this year I had a shift of awareness that I was NOT the body. Both conscious shifts left when I got off the trail. Afterwards, both times, I was almost nauseous when I tried to talk about the experiences afterward.

  8. Mark
    Thanks for walking those walks and experiencing those realities for me. If I’m not doing it, I’m glad you are.

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