Disappointed and Disenchanted

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—The legend goes that Lao Tzu, “weary of the moral decay of life” left through the Great Wall of China and was never heard from again.

It is said (in some book I read of Ken Wilbur’s years ago) that Ramana Maharshi, the forefather of modern nonduality, would ignore students that he felt weren’t taking his words seriously—that weren’t living his teachings.

J. Krishnamurti, disbanded the Theosophists, an organization that raised him and named him their World Teacher, because they no longer shared the same philosophies.

 398 : Total Blog subscribers
 305 : Total Facebook subscribers
  64 : Total Google+ subscribers
1071 : Total YouTube subscribers
???? : Total RSS/Newsfeed subscribers

Total subscribers: 1,838+

Total NonAbusers: 3 (counting myself)

I can’t imagine why anyone would not take the Vow of NonAbuse—especially people who know me and follow my work.

Walking it. Living it. Not just talking about it. I’ve been saying this for years. Even Adyashanti, in the last couple of online seminars I’ve listened to, expressed his discouragement at those who just want to talk theory and aren’t willing to do the practice. As he likes to say, “This is where the rubber hits the road.” This is where we apply it.

Total subscribers: 1,838+

Total NonAbusers: 3

I’m seriously thinking I’m wasting my time here. Maybe I could learn something from those great sages listed above.

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34 thoughts on “Disappointed and Disenchanted

    • Totally agree Andy. I accept it. I’m disappointed and discouraged (see the first three paragraphs, I’m not alone or setting any precedence here). Just prepping for possibly ending this blog.

      • Ach. It might be more about sharing than leading ? You can set an example without followers. That’s what always worried me about Gautama and Jesus.

  1. As they say in AA …. “Plan plans, not results!”
    The NonAbuser idea made sense to me, I would have been #4 but my camera had other ideas! Tomorrow ..
    What does TaoGodHer say?

  2. Well the term “abuse” covers too much territory. I can not promise I will never manipulate or control somebody, which falls under the umbrella of abuse. I have a mortal mind (apparently) that sometimes wants what it wants or thinks it needs, and manipulating others is a method used to get its way. Sometimes i find myself trying to control others too, like telling someone to stop doing something that bugs me. then I realize the orher isnt bugging me, i am buggung myself but blaming the other. The I often tell the other it is not their fault I am angry. But that is still trying to control. I can’t promise I won’t do that because i still react still. I react much much less especially when I am more of who I am than the mortal mind state. But the enlightened state still comes and goes here. I will vow I will never physically abuse somebody, but that is so much a non issue, a vow is unnecessary.

  3. Sighhhhhh. So many thoughts…….first, I hope you don’t end this blog. I just found you and finally feel I’ve found someone who offers a “real” authentic approach to the mystical. (That’s the selfish me speaking.) I sense you are hurt and that this is the response to your pain. Understandable, yet give it a few days. (That’s the mother speaking)

    Now, as far as the nonabuser blog…………YIKES! As soon as I read the title my whole body sucked in. It did not feel good at all……..and that’s my gauge. I’m sorry, because I feel, as a subscriber, that i’ve disappointed you and you have given so much, yet i have to do, or not do, what feels right to me. Perhaps it’s because it’s coming from a place of negativity, like let’s “fight war”, which I don’t feel is your intent. What you are doing with the site and commitment is honorable, caring, and a beautiful offering……. gives me pause and makes me think. Having expectations gives us the opportunity to be disappointed, and human.

    Go lay down in a pile of leaves and make a leaf angel ; ) (that’s what i do when there isn’t any snow around)

    • I don’t really like the idea of a non-abuse vow either. Non-abuse…abuse. Maybe a vow of diligent ego watching.

      Also, just because I don’t vow for non-abuse does not mean I am not walking the walk of this whatever you want to call it form of enlightenment seeking.

      And another thing, it’s only been one day. Maybe people are preparing their camcorders or something.

      It seems a little drastic to stop this blog altogether just because a project does not go as expected in the first day.

  4. Dear Wayne, your idea is good and it will grow with time (I think so though I can’t vow..:)
    Yet to me it’s so… American (you see I’m not American).
    I read all three of your last posts today and I remembered Jesus’s words – “and I say – don’t vow at all…” and he goes on saying that man cannot add a single day to his life and so on (if remember correctly)…
    Until now I had a “rule” – to make as few promises as I can. Because I really don’t know what my next day will be like, feel like. And that doesn’t mean I don’t share your intention – I do. I just think I make it more powerful by keeping silent…
    Maybe that’s just that introvert character of mine… But I wanted to write this to you not as discouragement but as support. Because in my heart I support you.

  5. when I read your non abuser vow I must say that your words resonated with me very much. I think it is a great idea to bring more awareness to this subject as it causes so much harm in our world. For myself, taking this vow dose not mean that I will never abuse anyone else, or myself ever again but but I feel it is a great thing to aspire to.

    • Arthur, I confirmed your email address on NA. I believe hotmail blocks auto-replies. You should be able to log in now using your screen name and password.

      And thanks for the donation if you didn’t get my emailed reply!

  6. I have signed up, but have not had the opportunity to take a “selfie” taking the vow. I don’t believe in selfies actually – I am not much for self-promotion.

    Does my word that have taken the oath and actually meditated using it as my mantra count for anything?

    • Thanks for signing up Page. Yes, an image (or video) of yourself is a big part of what the Vow is all about… accountability. It shows others that you are serious about doing others no harm. Just as importantly—more importantly in my opinion—this accountability will hopefully inspire others. There is a Taoist parable about this: that when a pebble is dropped in a pond, ripples spread across the surface and in this way, each of us has a profound influence on others.

      Your doing a great thing Page, I know it isn’t easy (especially in the face of all this resistance). From the depths of my heart, thank-you.

  7. Wayne,
    I have been following your blog for over a year. And I have read everything in your archives. Thus, my first impression at the unveiling of your project was disbelief. It seems to go against everything you have been teaching. A vow is a statement of choice (illusion) made by a separate self (illusion) about what it will or won’t do in the future (illusion). Furthermore, the connection to a revenue stream hearkens back to your earlier contemplations about how to make a living from your enlightenment. I am not saying that the project was bad in any way, it just seems inconsistent. Hence, I am not surprised at the negative response you describe.
    Having said that, this experience may be the opportunity to provide your best teaching. If a teacher of Mystical Oneness gets disappointed and disillusioned to the extent that he will cease a decades long mission serving almost 2,000 people, then how is that different from the disappointment of the average “separate self”. You have a need to support your physical body. You have a desire to make that support consistent with your spiritual understanding. To some extent, isn’t that the dilemma we all struggle with? I imagine this is a huge fork in the road for you. If you stop the blog, you may leave many of us at the brink of understanding something very important.
    What is unique about you and your blog is your fearless transparency. This is the perfect opportunity to demonstrate that. Not long ago you said…
    “…abiding nondual awareness doesn’t exist—it can’t as long as you have a physical body with its genetically encoded sense of a separate self. The, dare I say, lie of abiding nondual awareness kind of explains why most nondual teachers don’t blog about their day-to-day lives—it would be evident that their nondual awareness isn’t abiding.”
    If you can, please bring light to this event. If you must leave, then farewell and thank you for the light you have given me.

  8. The philosophy of ‘non abuse’ is what I already live by, or strive to. I don’t like being expected to do something just because I follow a blog. I didn’t do the ‘ice water’ challenge when nominated by a friend either. There are many things I could sign up to and I am asked to on a daily basis. Some of them I do, some I don’t. I enjoy your blog but I won’t sign up just because you expect/ want me to and if I and others don’t you will stop blogging. I hope you don’t but that’s your call. To be honest I think your ‘non-abuse’ vow thing might resonate more with younger people. It’s not a bad idea, maybe a bit naive but that’s not necessarily a bad thing either. Who knows why some things take off and somethings don’t? It still might. More power to you. Keep thinking ‘outside the box’. I like that you wear your heart on your sleeve 🙂

  9. Hi wayne, must admit your reaction seems to be coming very much from a place of egoic reaction rather than heart, no offense.

    As for me, it was a case of delivery. It seemed very much a fledgling project. Having read the four agreements, which is very similar but much more in depth, it seemed like you had only cracked the door on something I am very much in love with already. Like a garage band or flower just sprouting. But I definitely think it needs more polishing. If I don’t vow, am I than an abuser? Like a Christian already guilty of sin? Is that a loving embrace of acceptance of me or life as it is?

    • To expand more on T4A,

      the first is, “Always be impeccable with your word”. With yourself and others. To be impeccable is to be without sin in its true meaning of not going against the self. To not act or speak in a way that is out of love. That first agreement very much covers most of the ground of your vow of non abuse.

      Two of the other ones are, don’t take things personally, and don’t make assumptions. That by living in those agreemens you stay in heaven and peace. Otherwise you falter to ego (parasite) and dream seperation/hell.

      I first read T4A about 8; years ago. I’ve had my far share of failures and mistakes. Yet the first agreement again, be impeccable shows us not to abuse ourselves first and foremost even and when we falter. To have a more loving acceptance of human nature and egoic fluctuations seems so vital.

      Jesus never asked us to promise that we would never be bad again. Do you see what that would suggest? That we are not like he was, that we are bad and have to change, that there is something wrong with us, that is th e very core issue and foundation of the ego, the belief in that illusion.

      Rather, he urged us to simply love each other as he loved us. To see our already perfect self to be that which we already are. Love thy neighbor as thy self.

  10. Time to dance Wayne. The fact that your followers aren’t following shows that you have attracted grounded folks who are dusciples of themselves. Seems from comments they are living as free from abuse as possible and abhor taking a vow which binds and never frees. Making a choice to be kind is optimal over taking a vow which limits. Abuse starts with ourselves. Taking a vow to not abuse may mean never eating a GMO potato chip again. Where does abuse begin or end? Your desire to affect the world in a big, powerful way is already being accomploshed through the vulnerability of your writings and the living beauty in your photographs. We love you, Wayne,,,with or without a circle on your palm.

  11. i dont know about you Wayne, but i am feeling really good about the responses here. everybody loves you and at the same time does not follow you blindingly. as Carol says, you attracted quite a group here. you should feel proud of yourself and your work. 🙂

  12. I am sorry this didn’t turn out as you hoped, but as others have said, give it a bit of time. As for me, I signed up for the journaling of your van conversion and subsequent travels. I have stayed because I enjoy reading your blog. Being a new member, I was a bit blind-sided about your project, but feel the idea is a valid one. I won’t be vowing to be a non-abuser as that is covered within my Christianity and believe me, it is easier said than done. Your efforts will keep the non-abuse in the minds of others, though, so please don’t give up. You don’t have that many people signed up to read your blog for no reason. You ARE reaching people; but perhaps this just isn’t the right avenue.

  13. I usually start my day with this sequence: meditation (more like basking in non-thinking); intuiting an affirmation for the day and searching online for a coordinating graphic; doing brief e-correspondence; and then viewing your website. I consider you a brave and caring companion who, by living his own life according to his own prompts, gives me perspective and encouragement on how my own life is unfolding. I also resonate with your use of coordinating graphics (the photographs that accompany your posts).

    Like you seem to be, I’m also in a phase of seeking what Rob describes as physical support consistent with spiritual understanding. I keep getting revved up about projects that fizzle out–projects that seemed so intuitively inspired, with synchronicities along the way.

    Today when I searched for a graphic that matched my freshly chosen affirmation about living from the heart, I came across an image that was accompanied by words. These words fit my situation and may fit yours as well: “Relax. You’re on a journey of discovery. Let life reveal itself to you.”

    How or whether you continue with your blog or project, please remember how many friends, companions, and supporters you have. We are all connected, all mutually involved, and forever in communication… that’s what my heart tells me.

  14. I live by the golden rule Wayne – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Therefore, I am already a charter member of the nonabusers club. I have never been a joiner or even a team player, so I respectfully decline to join your org. I do admire you for starting it and hope that it prospers.

    I will join the others in hoping that you continue putting out this great blog. It is very interesting reading at times and I always look forward to your new posts. I ran a blog for a couple years, so I know it is a daunting task to continually come up with new articles, but you seem to do pretty well. Thanks for that.

  15. Wayne,

    Stay cool! Stay focused!

    Vows are hard, I took them for decades. At the end I only ended up feeling guilty for breaking them. Despite myself.

    What’s the reward for hard work? More hard work!

    Love to you.

    You’re the man!

  16. I have been away from here for about 6 weeks and what do I find?! Ah, a temporary dark night of the soul – and yes, a tempest in a teapot!
    Such deep emotions bubbling to the surface – most refreshing, cleansing – and necessary! I’ve followed your blog for at least two years, if not more and this is my first post here. You have become my friend through your blog and I turn to it when my soul seeks a deep quiet place. I love your transparency and fearlessness, your unabashed sharing of yourself with your readers. Don’t give up on us, we’re only ready for what we’re ready for, and you shine your bright light on our path so we can follow it at our own pace. I too agree, no special vow is needed or necessary for reasons many have so eloquently expressed. The point of all this is to free ourselves from vows and promises, beliefs and programming – so we can fly free. And I know we will. . . . and it will be because you – and others – continue to show us the way. You are much loved and appreciated more than you know.

  17. Ditto to MoonArrow,,,plus, y’know Wayne, the sweetest part of all this was seeing your face actually talking to us with words and sounds coming out of your mouth. I LOVED that.
    Got to see your kindness and your passion all at onece. May we have MORE please?

  18. Hi Wayne

    I have been following your blog for around 2 years now.
    Immediately upon seeing the Vow I switched off as it seemed so out of kilt with everything that you have stated in the past concerned with emptiness and the no self that seekers to your blog are being introduced to.
    I thought the Vow would not be accepted from the start as I felt people would feel coerced in to accepting this vow.
    I should also state that as a former practising Buddhist of 12 years or more I am vowed out and have broken most of the vows that I have previously taken and I know that I would not like to go down the path of taking vow ‘s again.
    I love what you are doing. Please do not end the Blog.
    Rob

  19. Patience Grasshopper. 2 days have but passed. Not everyone is on their email hourly, daily, etc. The video thing was intimidating too – I’m glad you support the suggestion to us a still. And not that it’s relevant, but what Carol said: “…seeing your face actually talking to us…” – I think more of that on your blogs and YouTube will bear fruit.

    Love ya Bro 🙂

  20. Wayne
    I have enjoyed your site for the past little while and enjoy ur almost daily posts
    I will not take the vow for several of the reasons mentioned by others but I encourage u to continue doing what ure doing.
    I used to love ur older you tube videos and wish you could do more of that. I feel more connectedness.
    Thanks for everything.
    Ron.

  21. Hi Wayne. One of the things I like so much about this blog is that you’re willing to take us along with you on your nomadic travels, and share your spiritual experiences with us along the way, in such a way that makes those experiences real for us, like we’re right there with you. It’s not surprising that this blog, then, as you can see from the comments, has attracted a pretty sophisticated, self-honest, readership, many of whom are leery of taking vows.

    Spiritual seeking, ultimately, is really the search for freedom; and making promises about the future doesn’t seem like freedom… Which is not the same thing as avoiding responsibility. How could we take responsibility for something that hasn’t happened yet? And even if we could take responsibility for the future, why would we need a vow to do it? It would almost be like saying we don’t trust ourselves. I would rather live with a general loving attitude and intention without making specific vows or promises. How would I know what my future should be?

    The truth is that everyone is karmically responsible for their lives automatically and continuously, whether they have taken a vow or not. And taking a vow just adds another layer of karmic programming on top of that, which will call for dissolution someday. In the meantime, it is likely to result in guilt, which is very serious business for the one stuck in it. Guilt is hell, and is quite a contrast to the forgiveness of heaven.

    I sense a sort of warmth in your NonAbusers project, but at the same time I sense some uneasiness there that I can’t quite put my finger on. I think it comes from both the vow and the label “NonAbuser”, which is dualistic. It seems to set up different groups of abusers vs. non-abusers vs. NonAbusers, joiners vs. non-joiners, good vs. bad, victims vs. perpetrators, etc.. Maybe the new website isn’t really intended for a non-dual crowd, but it’s hard to see how we can heal abuse while using identity labels and separating this category of negativity, basically, from the collective unconsciousness of mankind. Virtually all of us pre-enlightened folks, in a sense, are abused by our thoughts every single day. So what makes abuse special? It seems like we’re addressing abuse at the level of behavior, which is already eons after-the-fact. Behavioral abuses are preceded by negative programming, which in turn is preceded by errors of perception and identity. Since NonAbuser is an identity label, it could add to the identity errors that are really at the root of human suffering, thus negating the intention of the project.

    For spiritual progress, “to live with simple care and kindness is all that is required”. I don’t think forming a social cause, or declaring that “I am so-and-so” around something that is based in illusion could end the illusion. I think labels are unnecessary, because in Reality, there is no thinker of thoughts, doer of deeds, or abuser of abuses. Those theories are all based on the illusion of causality, and lead us into the belief system of guilt/hell. The way out of hell is a movement towards Reality and away from illusions.

    “The reason I avoid peace parades is because they’re too dangerous.” – (paraphrase) David R. Hawkins.

  22. Just to add to the comments here – I initially had a similar response to Kevin S. And at an absolute level I feel that the end of suffering and abuse is tangential to the movement towards Reality.

    I support Wayne and his work – and I feel prepared to support a relative intervention that he feels passionate about – to see where this might lead when infused by the mystical and Oneness.

    I have been critical of the Face Book viral campaigns that let people off the hook by “liking” a cause or commitment but requiring no deep change at any fundamental level. Abusers often have a public face that affirms non-abuse while acting abusively behind closed doors and in secret. Look at Bill Cosby as an example.

    But what I have been left with is what may happen if I simply drop all that and give active support – trusting the impetus that will grow from Wayne’s approach to life / being / mysticism.

    love Louise

  23. Dear Wayne,

    I think you have a very nice template for your project. It’s just not ready yet 🙂

    You mentioned you are reaching near 1900 people through your channels, With your posts, you reach out. And we connect with you. Cutting your ‘self’ of, accomplishes nothing constructive regarding your project, unless this is something you need to experience for yourself. Silence can speak a powerful message.

    Your disappointment and disenchantment is understandable and recognizable. I’ve witnessed it many times, experienced it and learned, a lot. As i’ve been working with community for many years. You already have a nice community, not too big to overwhelm one person creating most of the content.

    Now it seems to me, with your project, you’ve created a platform for this community to express themselves through word and action. But on your terms.
    You’ve not only created the tool (website) but also the content (vow, values, goal, etc). That means that site oozes Wayne Wirs, (in whichever state of being he was when working on the project.) I reckon that’s why you feel rejected, by not taking your oath the nay sayers are denying that part of ‘you’.

    ‘I hereby vow that i, [insert name], oppose abuse and have the sincere desire to do no harm. I will set an example by living according the values of the NonAbusers. I strive to create a peaceful and harmonious relationship with those around me and will accomplish that by choosing love to guide me. I will commit myself by notifying my friends and family and all who lay eyes on this oath and i herewith invite those who love me to hold me accountable however they seem fit in case i break this oath and promise to record it and post it on this site. I’m a NonAbuser.’

    Now that’s an oath i would take in a heartbeat, because it’s mine.
    There’s thoughts behind the phrasing though.
    It’s framed containing wanted behavior instead of unwanted (much more inspiring and leading). It fuels a positive mindset, It contains your provided values, your provided goal and how to accomplish it. (you could even leave the ‘practice’ part blank for people to fill in themselves)

    About reaching the goal you wrote: “We accomplish this by never intentionally abusing others.”
    Like the vow you wrote, this focusses on unwanted behavior, it is a call to not doing. To reach the goal faster, or at all, you need to do something. A call to action. What is the wanted behavior that leads to the goal?

    So then the existing followers, the community, are not willing to walk their talk, maybe it’s just a matter of experience on your part. The moment you have an idea that is your own and you want to involve community, you will either have to co-create/co-develop it in an early stage, so it ‘oozes’ everyone and not just you. Or you have to build a community around this concept from scratch. Your present community is following you for different reasons then your project.
    It didn’t take me long to realize it didn’t work to get things done for communities (my way) and start to create the conditions for them to do it themselves instead.
    Usually all that is needed to lead to the action is a compelling question, or inspiring vision. Considering your own path as I know it from your blog, you’re familiar with that as well on a more personal level.

    You’ve gotten a lot of feedback already, which means people care. Perhaps together with 1800+ collective brains the project can become 1800 times better.

    You are so good with emergence and are able to recognize synchronisity. Why don’t you let the project emerge with community. You only need to let it happen and create the circumstances for community to add a bit of their flavor as well.
    Ask and thou shalt receive . Then it’s up to you to harvest the shared beliefs, the shared values, goals, purpose and principles, you decide. You can choose the way of the archetypal warrior, or choose the way of the midwife, Her way, you know so intimately.

    “I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort, where we overlap.”
    ― Ani DiFranco

    I don’t post often and never such a wall of text. I just can’t sit by without mentioning the above and how incredibly challenging it is, even for me, and it’s my job and ongoing practice.

    Don’t stop blogging please.

    All the best, whatever you choose to decide.

    • ‘I hereby vow that i, [insert name], oppose abuse and have the sincere desire to do no harm. I will set an example by living according the values of the NonAbusers. I strive to create a peaceful and harmonious relationship with those around me and will accomplish that by choosing love to guide me. I will commit myself by notifying my friends and family and all who lay eyes on this oath and i herewith invite those who love me to hold me accountable however they seem fit in case i break this oath and promise to record it and post it on this site. I’m a NonAbuser.’

      What a wonderful vow. I haven’t looked recently, but I (hope) I say on the site that you’re welcome to use your own words. I hope you do.

      Some good ideas Ingmar. Thanks.

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