I’d Really Rather Not

Sitting In My Van Door Doing Nothing

Sitting In My Van Door Doing Nothing

NE MT. HOOD SITE #2—Inside me, the forest flourished. Off to the right, high in the trees, a bird chirped his song. Across to the left, bees hovered and alit on the large bush where I toss the dishwater, probably attracted to the Dr. Bonner’s soap I use. Below, a large ant carries a bread crumb I had dropped yesterday at lunch. Another bird, this one silent, lands on a rock five feet away, tilts his head and examines the ground. Not seeing anything of interest, he flies off.

The phone “bings” and I contract. Everything that was at once both me and not me seems to recede, to grow more distant, to separate into individual parts. I contract from being the world, to being in the world. I contract into a body sitting in the cargo door of a van, a van sitting in a forest on a mountain in Oregon.

Long time reader Phil had just sent me an email and synchronistically it was about a study duplicating what I was just doing—sitting alone doing nothing. The study reported how a quarter of women and two-thirds of men would rather give themselves electric shocks than do exactly what I was just doing. A shock that, having felt it prior, they said they would pay good money to avoid.

“Wayne, I would rather push a button and give myself a really bad electrical shock than do what you do every day.”


No wonder I never got a single response to the Frog Master Meditation even though I basically called seekers who weren’t willing to do it spiritual tourists:

If you are serious about waking up and you don’t do this, then ask yourself why you are resisting (and also consider if maybe it isn’t time to find yourself a different “spiritual hobby”).

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4 thoughts on “I’d Really Rather Not

  1. Ran across this Wayne and describes me now, don’t know if it describes you. “I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.”
    ― Khalil Gibran, The Madman

    I really do not want to be with anyone anymore or to have vapid relationships with other humans. I am not a weirdo hermit either, not saying you are buddy, I like the life, in my house, with my dogs, good food, music, meditation, working when I want, the freedom of loneliness.

  2. My first thought about the frog master post was that readers immediately dropped what they were doing and thinking; consequently, they didn’t respond.

    My second thought was to offer a belated thank-you … and this is it.

  3. Sounds like the majority would rather be electicuted. “I’d really rather Not” be electicuted over sitting for 2 hours.

    Ive honestly not done the practice you linked however sitting witnessing for long periods is just something that I do. Ill try to remember to give the frog medition a go sometime and see how it goes.

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