Looking For Abusive Behavior

My First Tarantula

My First Tarantula

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Probably not the best title for a post, but it’s accurate.

I’ve just finished up the coding required for the initial version of the [REDACTED] project, and am now faced with adding the content. As you may know, this project is about abuse, and by abuse I mean:

Intentionally causing someone physical or psychological harm.

Part of that content is giving examples of abusive behavior, which is where I’m looking for a little help.

Here is what I have so far:

  • Striking
  • Restraining
  • Sexual Assault
  • Bullying
  • Deceiving
  • Taking advantage of someone
  • Intimidation
  • Coercion
  • Peer Pressure
  • Talking bad about someone behind their back
  • Honking your car horn in anger
  • Tailgating
  • Insulting someone

Now back to the title of this post, I’m looking for suggestions on any other abusive behaviors that I may have missed. Please keep in mind my definition above: Abuse is intentionally causing someone physical or psychological harm.

Maybe not the most pleasant thing to think about, but I really do appreciate your feedback.

Please post your thoughts/ideas in the comments below. Thanks!

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27 thoughts on “Looking For Abusive Behavior

  1. The most common form of abuse that I see on a daily basis I would term as “condescending” or “belittling” or “talking down” to someone. I think it is too subtle to be termed “bullying”. This form of abuse is endured by cashiers, waitresses, customer service and sales reps, nurses, and virtually everyone else in any kind of service industry.

    It is also endured by employees and spouses in general, who are made to feel bad for trivial mistakes, and by a huge number of children, whose parents lose patience or are simply slightly abusive and dismissive as a matter of course by virtue of their position of power.

    The victims are almost always in a position of weakness, of being unable to fully defend themselves without consequences, and so the perpetrators know they can get away with the abuse unchallenged. Most often the abusers themselves feel either abused or inferior or hated, and turning the tables by finding an easy victim is their way of attempting to bolster a damaged ego.

  2. Ha! Human nature says you’ll get zillion comments on this one!

    Sometimes the most potent form of violence is withholding care from someone.

    Aloha

  3. Now you’re making my small self feel guilty. Moving outward – a lot of these behaviours have their roots in defence, territorial demarcation and setting limits on others. Some people need controlling eg there is ‘good’ (moral) and bad peer pressure. Insults can be a matter of perception/standpoint. It is not as simplistic as ‘four legs good, two legs baaaa-d”.

  4. Cheating on your spouse
    Gang related violence
    Selling drugs to kids
    Shooting up schools and malls
    Terrorism
    Bombing innocent ppl (marathon bombing)
    Political corruption
    Animal abuse. Should be causing someone or something harm.
    Child pornography
    Sex trafficking
    Sex slavery
    Pimping out woman for prostitution
    Refusing to help homeless kids on the street (govt)
    Police corruption
    Racial profiling
    Wearher warfare experimentation
    Hacking and social engineering for stealing identities
    ATM skimmers to steal credit cards
    Industrial poisoning of the environment

  5. @All. Thank-you so much. Sadly there is a lot of stuff here—a lot of abusive behavior in society. But also, I find this encouraging, as maybe, just maybe, when I unveil the [REDACTED] project, it won’t be met with ridicule (as the lizard brain fears) but with open arms. And maybe, just maybe (damn lizard brain), we’ll be able to do something proactive about abuse, and not just condemn it.

    • By your definition of abuse, condemning abuse is abuse. Why must something proactive be done about abuse? This implication that abuse needs to be fixed or corrected just reinforces our sleep in relation to our acquired behaviors. When abuse is seen for what it is (Self harm) it will naturally be dropped. As Vernon Howard states, “No-one consciously harms himself.”

  6. Part of what to consider is the scope of “someone,” which indicates you’re focusing on humans only. But to expand, I think people are becoming more aware of how animals and the environment are treated. I keep hoping some enlightened person will address the intentionality of killing creatures, especially in ways that are culturally considered justified, such as pesticide use in the home.

    It’s hard to wrap my mind around intentional harm. When I hear the Arjuna-Krishna story about enlightened battle, I wonder if that’s just a version of the often bandied cry, “Kill them all and let God sort it out!”

    Intentionality has a lot of bearing on this whole question. Maybe there is a distinction to be made between direct harm and collateral harm. Maybe, too, the conclusion will be to simply follow intuition in each circumstance that arises.

    Thanks for prompting these ruminations. I’ll be interested in what develops through your project.

    • Jo – good stuff. I have reconciled myself to killing in general as that is the way the world has been constructed. Even wanton killing, and what we might call torture, is practised by ‘innocent’ animals. That said, I do not argue with Jains. It is Man’s propensity for abuse which needs to be recognised and its commission held in check.

      • My cats are proficient wanton killers and I presume them to be innocent.

        It’s funny that you mention Jains because I included them in my original comment before editing out the too-long parts. I also edited out some thoughts about hunting by Native Americans, in which they ask permission of the animal before killing it and offer thanks to it afterward.

        I agree with you that recognition is key.

        THANKS GIVING

        We say, Thank You, God.

        We say, Thank you, Family;
        thanks to our community
        and all the farmers,
        cooks, and servers who
        brought this food to table.

        Why don’t we say,
        Thank you, animals;
        thank you, pig and cow
        and fish and chicken…?

        Why don’t we say,
        Thank you, plants;
        thank you, fruits and
        vegetables and grains…?

        Why don’t we say,
        Thank you, earth and sun
        and rain and pollinating bees?

        Why don’t we say (and feel),
        We honor and are grateful to you all?

  7. Hi Wayne, and all. I just wanted to point out that all of the behaviors listed here are potentially intentional, but not necessarily so. Also, the intention in any given situation is an effect in itself, as well as any behavior that may proceed from it. So, I just want to make sure we’re not isolating or separating these behaviors from the basic downside of human consciousness, which is ignorance. The basic ignorance — and innocence — of human consciousness is that it has no choice but to buy into whatever it is programmed with, until and unless that programming starts to come into question, which itself is an act of grace…

  8. How many of the above named abuses are conscious, and intentional? Intentional is not intentional without consciousness or awareness. What the above named abuses indicate is our level of sleep.

    • Good distinction Dave. Howeve, raises another question which may be useful to Wayne in the foprmulation of his product. What does an ‘awake’ person do when s/he is being abused by someone who is ‘asleep’ ?

      • An awake person realizes that a sleeping person is asleep. That is what comes to mind.

        The really interesting question is, who is the one that wants to know the answer to this question?

        Further, the question in and of itself is an abstraction. Only an awake person (certainly not moi) would know the answer to that equation (spell check changed this from question to equation, but that seems a more accurate word as there is an if/then equation implied in the question) if that event in fact occurred. It seems that an awake person doesn’t need a strategy for living, they just live. A strategy or plan that comes from within the circle of
        “me” cannot take one beyond that circle.

        As I type this, the answer I am giving feels a bit false. I am able to recognize sleep (certainly in others) but have yet to be outside of the circle of me for more than very brief periods.

        Thank you for bringing up your question. It motivated looking for me.

        • Reciprocal.

          Most of us – as Wayne’s companions on this trip – are probably ‘partially awake’ (or half-asleep 🙂 That is, we are awake some of the time. When we are ‘triggered’ (myself in traffic for example) that is a ‘wake-up’ call. When (if?) we wake up, that is when we ‘accept’ (Buddhism) or ‘forgive’ (Christian) or ‘identify’ (Integral ?)

          To get back to Wayne’s topic: the question arises, who is thinking ‘abuse’ ?

    • One of the greatest feats the mind ever played on Man was to trick him into thinking its thoughts were real. I suggest both of you put your theories to test. Go up to a biggest, baddest gang member you can find and say, “I want to test my theory of abuse. Please beat the crap out of me, take my money, and, if you feel so inclined, sexually abuse me. I want to see if abuse is real, or just in my head.”

      Let me know how it goes. 🙂

      Seriously though, a lot of people suffer from abuse. Doing nothing, or expecting everyone to wake up, simply isn’t going relieve the suffering.

      • Ahah, so we are talking ‘practical’ here. Maybe I should have added ‘Retaliate’ ?-) My previous (October 15, 2014 at 1:05 am) applies.

          • Not the same thing. You might retaliate not in a spirit of revenge but to set a boundary or a cost. I have certainly done that in the past, and would not see my reaction as either abusive or unconscious – on the contrary.

  9. Wayne,

    Thanks for your post about ” The dude”.
    It perfectly described why I abandoned this discussion. It became exhausting. I couldn’t put my finger on it until you reminded me of the movie.

    Love,

    Harding

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