Sweet Insights Whispered Seductively

Desert Tree. Mountains Snow.

Desert Tree. Mountains Snow.

LONE PINE, CA—I awoke as the sky began to lighten to the east, rubbed my face, stretched out the kinks, and wondered if today was the day to move on.

I lay there and I waited and listened and I heard nothing.

As usual, I took Her silence to mean, “No. No hurry. Nothing to be done. Take it easy. Enjoy.” So I rolled over on my side and watched out the van’s window as the sun rose and a new day began at my camp by a creek near the mountains of the Sierra Nevada.

That doesn’t mean I won’t break camp today—that later She might change Her mind. Often out of nowhere I’ll get a twinge: an invisible, almost physical, poke and a certainty that now is the time to go, and I’ll hop in the driver’s seat and pull out and drive in the direction suggested by Her whispers.

And I’ll drive and I’ll drive and I’ll drive until She says, “Stop.”

I know that sounds strange. To allow an unseen presence—an intelligence that most people doubt even exists—to guide your day-to-day life.

I know it means that most people, if they knew this, would think I’m crazy.

Society has a hard time grasping this level of subtle awareness, this willingness to surrender, this lack of self-importance. Most people would think that a duplex personality just means you’re schizophrenic and a lack of personal concern just means you’re… well, it means you’re crazy.

But what can I do?

There’s so little of ‘me’ left that I’ve got almost no emotional investment in this Wayne-thing. I feel like I’m just occupying him—that he’s a shell, a vehicle which She and I drive around.

So I go about my day, writing code, tweaking the rig, and going for walks, while the whole time waiting and watching and listening for Her signs and Her whispers.

And when She does lean in (oh so seductively) and murmurs sweet beautiful insights into my anxiously awaiting ear…

Mmmmm, that I love. That I listen to.

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