October 25, 2016 11:36 AM
I know I’m all over the place on this blog… Kidney stones, I AM, TaoGod(I), nomad life, photography…. The book is a hell of a lot more organized.
Dealing with Shadow traits came up recently and I realized I needed to expand on this subject in the book. After writing it up, I realized it can be applied to any negative personality trait.
Who doesn’t have a little something they don’t like about themselves?
From the book…
Accept and Disown
Once Shadow beliefs come to the surface—once we are aware of them—they are no longer shadow beliefs, but simply negative traits our me-story clings too. Rather than trying to fix our negative traits though, it is usually better to accept them and disown them (dis-identify with them).
From a Google+ dialog with Michelle:
Shadow traits are obviously false beliefs that UNCONSCIOUSLY affect you in negative ways. Once they are brought to light, they no longer affect you unconsciously, but STILL AFFECT you. The difference is that you now know WHY you are acting/feeling this way.
ACCEPTANCE is far more time-efficient and loving than FIXING (which is a form of self-violence).
Seeing the beliefs/feelings as OTHER (not identifying with them) is “on message” that we are not the me-story. ACCEPTANCE helps here also.
For example, I hate weakness. This WAS a shadow trait stemming from my BELIEF that my father’s “be strong” attitude meant “be strong or I won’t love you.”
I HATE weakness in my attitude and actions. I HATE weakness in others who are obviously capable of helping themselves. “HATE” is the correct word (as difficult as that is to write). It’s a part of this thing I find myself in. It’s not me, it’s something I wear.
But KNOWING I feel this way, and WHY I feel this way, makes it much easier to deal with. When someone whines to me, I feel the anger and, knowing that it is an issue with my me-story, can distance myself from it and NOT ACT ON IT (usually). And when I do act on it, I almost immediately catch myself and can apologize.
Oddly enough, my hatred for my own weakness often manifests as strength, confidence and clarity in my message… an unexpected bonus. My hatred of weakness means I make sure I understand whatever it is I’m trying to convey.
Shadow beliefs are UNCONSCIOUS beliefs. Once they are CONSCIOUS, they can be accepted and dis-identified with. You’ll still wear them, but they won’t affect you nearly as violently as they did before.
“Hate” is a strong word, but I’ve never be one for playing nice with my spiritual development. Since I don’t identify with the emotion, hate is a perfectly acceptable emotion to experience. Lot’s of spiritual teachers like to present only their “bliss face” to their students, but I’m not one of them. Truth is truth and I’ll be damned if I’ll let some enlightenment is pure bliss fantasy persona stand in the way of helping others.
Beautiful. That was very clarifying and helpful. So I don’t need to aim to have the beliefs OUT of my system…. Just to see them and dis-identify with them. This seems so obvious in retrospect. Of course this isn’t about being perfect (revealing an unconscious idea that was shaping my behavior, hahaha). It’s about seeing through it, that’s it. What a relief.
When you begin to accept your negative traits, not only do they affect you less harshly, but you’ll naturally begin to see them as other. In accepting and understanding them, you’ll feel a distancing from them.
Good. Don’t fret my issue with weakness. It’s my issue and not yours. The more I encounter it, the less it affects me. Besides, and this is totally un-PC, it’s mostly about weak acting MEN (See the shadow? See the projection? See how much I hate my me-story?). Women expressing self-doubt, troubles, etc., I have far less of a reaction to. Shadows are funny things.
Don’t try to fix your negative traits—that’s a never-ending battle you can’t win. Accept your traits and disown them. Do this, and they’ll naturally weaken on their own.
It's Time To Wake Up
Mystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of Being is a step-by-step guide to enlightenment and beyond.
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It's Time Let Go
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