My Conundrum (a Thought Stream)

A Boring, Unpopular, Everyday, MIRACLE

A Boring, Unpopular, Everyday, MIRACLE


March 22, 2016 10:12 AM

After posting yesterday’s post, I went for a walk with the thought, “Reading that (the Divine sometimes speaking through me) people must think that I think I’m special.”

So as I walked, I contemplated this. “Do I think I’m special?”

A half hour later, I came to the conclusion, “No, this is just my day-to-day experience.” My experiences (both inner and outer) are different than most, but they aren’t special—they are just my daily perceptions.

Then I realized, because I simply relate my day-to-day life like it is, well, my day-to-day life, this attitude is probably why my message isn’t more popular.

All the popular spiritual teachers—the one’s who are getting their message out—appear special.

I don’t know if they think they are special, but their websites and media materials certainly imply they are. Right? I’m not going to diss anyone directly, but go to any popular spiritual teacher’s website and you’ll see their “specialness.” Humble as they might appear, these teachers approve their web presence and media materials, so they are consciously condoning and encouraging the “I’m different than you are—I’m special” impression.

[Pausing to think this through.]

Thought stream:

  • By the spiritual teachers not revealing their boring, day-to-day lives (not being transparent), this helps support the impression they are special (glowing, blissful beings).
  • Impressing others with being a glowing, blissful being (appearing special) encourages others to talk about you and share your posts and spread your message.
  • Am I angry about this?
  • No.
  • Am I jealous about this?
  • No.
  • I am discouraged by this. That to get your message out into the world—out in a way that actually makes a difference in society—you apparently have to lie by omission. You have to hide your “normality” and reveal only the “glow and bliss” side. (Seth Godin spoke of this exact dilemma.)
  • Why do you want to make a difference?” She asks.
  • My Mind responds, paraphrasing Dave, “She made you, She doesn’t need your help.”
  • My Heart responds, “She is you. You are Her help. More Ego = Less Love. The world is hell because of this—because big egos (me-me-me-me!) translates into a selfish, uncaring, society. Wouldn’t your message, Less Ego = More Love, make the world a better place?”

I don’t have the answer. This has been my personal conundrum for years and I still don’t have the answer.

But this is a blog—an online diary—not a book, so I’m OK sharing my unresolved demons.

I’m a man of faith. I’ll just have to wait for the mud to settle.

It's Time To Wake Up

Mystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of BeingMystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of Being is a step-by-step guide to enlightenment and beyond.

Available at:

Amazon - Barnes and Noble - iTunes- Google Play - Kobo

It's Time To Be Happy

The Serentity TechniqueWe live in divisive times.

The Serenity Technique provides 7 simple steps for inner peace… whenever you need it.

Available now on Amazon

It's Time Let Go

My Dying WordsImagine I have only seven days left to live.
Now imagine I share my last thoughts with you.

Available now on Amazon

31 thoughts on “My Conundrum (a Thought Stream)

  1. But the reason I keep reading here is because I see that you are special. You’re awake and you share that with us – that’s special. You’re not just doing it to feed your ego and make a quick buck though – that’s special too. You’re very transparent about the entirety of your life – that’s extra special.

    I’m ok with you being special.

  2. Hi Wayne. This conundrum brought up a Byron Katie – style response for me. Perhaps this can help:

    "The world is supposed to be a better place." - Is that true?
    "Less ego in the the world would make the world a better place." - Is that true?
    "I can improve the world." - Is that true?

    If the world was serving its karmic purpose, would it not already be a perfect place? Aren’t the spiritual egos of spiritual teachers doing the best they can given their level of awareness?

    I’ve known about Byron Katie for years, but for some reason have just begun to apply her inquiry style to general belief-system kinds of questions. It’s amazing what the spiritualized mind presumes to be true; and what simply stopping to ask can undo. 🙂

    • My only problem with the Byron Katie examples you use above is they lead to inaction (no growth, no progress. “Just Be.”). Please see my comment on this subject below under Rob’s question.

      [EDIT: This isn’t a criticism, MANY people (myself included) have struggled with the JUST BE vs DOING conundrum. So these are great questions. Thanks.]

  3. Great points you made Wayne. Spiritual teachers may indeed be genuine in their message, but once commercialized for the masses…
    Then middle men like publishers, publicists, public relations and the whole media circus comes into play, distorting the perception.
    Those spiritual masters sharing their authentic message will deliver to their intended receiver in whatever manner necessary. In the West, their “image” is usually distorted by the times and culture that they exist within, in other words- it’s quite normal for them to be misunderstood, misrepresented, misinterpreted.
    There is a special RESONANCE that the public shares with the teacher/ mystic which is beyond words, images, thoughts. I appreciate those like you, b/c messages like yours go straight to the heart.
    In the end, who cares where the teachings come from, or how they’re perceived? Does the message help one grow, become more aware of themselves, more aware of the world, reality? As a rational mystic such as yourself, what counts is HER connection with everyone. We’re all simply vehicles for each other, that’s special enough for me! 🙂

  4. Hi Wayne. There are different type of teachers who teach at different levels, teach in different methods and appeal to different type of people. You know well how eckhart , adya ,Mooji are all enlightened but speak at different levels and will attract different kind of audience. All types are necessary in existence. So is you , you appeal to a lot of people like me because we know that ordinariness is a big big part even when you get awakened to some extent. And some of these teachers have talked about ordinariness at certain times like adyashanti in “the end of your world ” , osho describing various incidents of his and some other enlightened beings life. But, yes you are the only one till in world who presents to us it on daily basis. It is sure a bravery and uniqueness to present it so. You are the first one and as consciousness level evolves over the time all over world, there will be many. I will be the one who will ensure that ordinariness will a main part of mine teachings if I do become a teacher any day. Currently , it is a good sales practice for vast majority on earth to sell only gold , as all teachers know when their disciples in run for gold reach higher levels like you and others, they will surely know and understand the simplness and routine aspect of it themselves.

  5. I see the issue as stemming from the simple fact that these teachers have to sell their message to distorted egos. If the savior complex didn’t work, no one would do it. The question I wonder is… Why does this big messiah savior mentality appeal so much to the collective ego? Why does it sell so very very well, distorting teachers and prophets in the process? Same problem as politics… The egos of all of us in the masses are the core of the problem, not so much the politicians themselves.

    • Big IF Judy. I’ve never been able to remain thoughtless, but I no longer identify with my thoughts, so I don’t have to (which I believe is the KEY to awakening).

      The trick, I think, is to not take your “me-thoughts” too seriously. Distancing yourself from them helps with this.

      I only know one spiritual teacher who claims he has no thoughts, but I don’t believe him (based on his actions)—so the evidence (no one else that I know claims to be permanently thoughtless) suggests that the “no thought” state is simply a temporary state and not a perpetual (permanent) one.

  6. “I am discouraged…”
    Who is discouraged? Isn’t discouragement just another word for wanting things to be other than what they are? Reminds me of the story of the princess and the pea. I am not trying to be critical but just struggling myself with the same issue.

    • “wanting things to be other than what they are.”

      Imagine being TOTALLY accepting of everything. You’d sit down, and you wouldn’t get up… even to poop. I believe this was the state that Ramana Maharshi found himself in when he allowed the insects and rodents to bite him while in his initial samadhi state. Apparently he stayed in this state about 14 years in a cave, but the local priests came in to feed and bathe him.

      BUT… he eventually came out of his cave and started taking actions again (not accepting the current situation) by teaching and sharing what he came to learn.

      There are two post-enlightenment paradoxes that must be resolved in the Trans-Enlightened tier: The equality of Unity and Separation, and the equality of the Divine and the Individual.

      Without discouragement [EDIT: ie: NOT accepting the situation as it is], we would never evolve… and isn’t evolution the definition of the spiritual search?

      Hope this helps.

  7. BTW, don’t you feel special that She loves you? That kind of special does not preclude anyone else from feeling the same way. It’s not the kind of special that makes you want to elbow your way to the head of the crowd.

    • I really don’t feel special about Her love—no more than I feel special that the sun shines on me. She’s THAT present… and like you imply, She shines on everyone. 🙂

  8. Very helpful Wayne. Particularly the idea of resolving paradoxes. It would seem that surrender to what is (acceptance) and action (discontent) is another paradox. One problem I always have is going beyond the ordinary meaning of words when trying to understand the extraordinary reality revealed in spiritual inquiry.

  9. It is not because you accept the totality of the experience (discouragement included) that you do not act. Action is also part of the experience.
    It’s all a game, and it is just about how to play it. All of us here love you as you are, no need for change. But if, out of compassion, you feel like communicating to a different kind of crowd, you can always set up another “Wayne for the masses” website (run by you or others). It could also be interesting to provide a refreshing alternative in the I-am-a-special-teacher market.
    The question is: what is She telling you here ?
    As a wise teacher once said: the less of You, the more of good decisions 🙂

    • Thanks Paul. Obviously there’s a desire to help others (else I wouldn’t be blogging or writing or sharing), but as to the depth of that help… there’s the conundrum. I am inquiring into this: The depth of help; the direction; and the reasons behind the desire.

  10. Again, there is Tony Parsons. Crazy Tony…there is no enlightenment,
    No enlightened beings…only this, what is.
    Check him out at

    • I like Tony, but he’s standard advaita… the path of the Mind (You’re everything. You’re nothing. There’s nothing to be done). Too nihilistic for me (though I used to love this path). The Heart is where the Love flows and Love needs duality, relationship: Divine + Individual, Individual + Society, Unity + Separation. And as Rob pointed out above, Acceptance + Action.

      Mystical Oneness is like that, both Mind (inquiry) and Heart (Love). Both. Yin AND Yang.

      I like Tony—he’s very clear on the Path of the Mind—but he focuses too much on “you’re nothing, your everything” for my taste.

  11. I’m reminded of my spiritual teacher who recently passed. He was not popular because his teachings didn’t make many people ‘feel good’ ; they were pretty disruptive and hard to stand in the face of; UNTIL one got past a certain point in his/her own development. It’s like good jazz music; you have to be on a certain level to both understand it and feel good with it/resonate with it. Great discussion, all.

    • Funny, I was just contemplating this same thing—that today’s spiritual seekers want Santa Claus—a fantasy man who makes them feel good—rather than Truth, and then at that exact moment, “Bing” as I got the email notifying me of your comment.

      She works through us, and your comment is a fine example of just that. Thanks Emily.

  12. In my own experience, I’ve noticed that as the ‘me’ diminishes (as it seems), that Love love’s to serve — whether through action or otherwise — and is grateful for the opportunity. However, peace is also an awesome (and loving) service to our world. I think we just have to give ourselves permission to follow our joy, even if our joy is peace and stillness. With no vested interest in the future (ideally), we can just stand back and see what decisions love will make.

    Thanks for the nice discussion Wayne and all.

  13. I love the fact that you struggle, coz I do too! It makes you relatable and gives me hope that maybe I can get part of the way to where you are, one day. Plus I’m able to understand that enlightenment is not a one-time event, which is also a huge relief. The struggle is normal, even for those that have attained more. These are all purely selfish reasons, I totally see that, but they help me tremendously in the day to day. So…rock on!


  14. Hi Wayne!

    I see it this way:
    It is obvious that there is a conflict within you….maybe a good question is to ask “what is the root of the conflict” or something like that? And do not listen to the thoughts that come but to the feelings that come up. Seems like a lot of our karmic unloading has to do with resolving conflicts…unloading is more about feeling and less about mental. When we really do deep emotional work we come to see that everything that happened to us, no matter how extremely torturous it was, it was there because it was required….not what we want but …required. and that is true for everyone else!….even if this world cannot see that. So in the first place there is no one to help, because we are exactly at the point where we should be. I work in a hospital for psychosomatic medicine and it is clear we cannot help anyone. We can spend our energy on someone and they will do better but as soon as that energy is withdrawn they fall back to where they were. That is why they need that “glowing” external object. They are like sleepwalkers..and it is not wise to wake them up…that would distort them….and they do not want to wake up either. Most of the world and most seekers are mostly unconscious and are following their child programming. And so they want an external “bigger than life (projecting a mum or dad)” that tells them what to do. Becoming conscious is not their plan. We all have these deeply unconscious structures even after awakening, they are so deep but as we move through them things do get much clearer with time. Helping others only works in that minute when they ask and then if one has the right message for them, thats all. So do your thing in a way that brings you balance. And again aks questions but look for the felt aspect of your experience in the answer “how do i feel about these “fake” teachers website”? “How do i feel about my way of doing it”? etc. and feel what comes up not the thought “i feel this or that”. Understanding deeply how the emotional body works and how to clean it is from my expierence and what i have seen in others the mostly missed linked in understanding how we humans operate and how to bring over time deep clarity into our lives. That is why i recommend Michael Browns work and doing his process (the presence process) to almost anyone awake or not.
    Transperancy usually becomes more important to those that are a little more mature….but there are not much of them.
    So that was my part 😉 ….hope there was something in there for you.
    with respect

  15. oh shi……! I forgot something. The emotions that come up need to be felt unconditionally and fully without! entertaining a thought story about them ( what they mean or whatever the mentalbody comes up with) until they pass.


  16. Less Ego = More Love. Less Ego = More Truth.
    Is there such a thing as a teacherless teaching ? a truth without prophets ?
    Could all the enligthened beings of this world gather to write, collectively and anonymously, some kind of spiritual Bible ?
    Could the Truth be articulated in such a way that all beings, whatever their level of understanding, would get what they need out of it ?
    What would an egoless community look like ? How would they express their Love ?

    I don’t have the answers. Just a thought… a dream ?
    Love to all.

  17. Micheal This was explained so beautifully and with so much respect. Thankyou so much . I will add nothing because I simply don’t have the words.
    Love You Micheal
    Love You Wayne

  18. Michael – there’s the missing ‘piece’ of my contemplations – the “feelings” and actually processing them and using them as a tool to dig deeper. Something mostly if not totally overlooked most of the time. Thank you for posting.

Leave a Comment