October 5, 2016 5:11 PM
For the Divine to see Herself, She requires separation. She requires you. Like a finger pushed below the surface of an aquarium, you are a finger of the Divine pushed into this manifest world. For you to survive so that She can see Herself, you need desires. Without desires, you would die. The Self Aspect—your essential me-vehicle—is largely about how you handle these desires. From the book, from earlier today…
I had just finished up the first draft of the Self, but I didn’t know what to write for the Moment. You can’t sit in a coffeeshop and write about the Self’s experience. You need an experience—a desire that the Self can struggle with. How do I deal with X from the Self’s dynamic, ever-changing values? So I decided to put it off until tomorrow and I went to do some laundry and lucked into dollar off Wednesday and then lucked into a free dryer that had 40 minutes left on it.
If Life were a novel, I would have been some mysterious wizard who made those lucky events happen, but Life’s not a novel and I didn’t make them happen. There’s just less of me and more of Her and when She’s running things She just makes them work out for Herself. That’s just the way it works.
As I sat in my van, checking my email and waiting for my free drier to dry, I noticed—two parking spots over—a young woman with an odd air around her—an aura—that caught my eye. She was poorly dressed and looking down into the front seat of a red pickup truck belonging to an elderly couple whom I’d seen in the laundromat.
The girl looked over at the laundromat, then cautiously reached in the open window—behind the front seat—and pulled out a small, plastic case. It looked like one of those little car toolkit cases you can pick up at Harbor Freight for about ten bucks.
The girl walked around to her car, got in and drove across the lot to examine her stolen goods.
I didn’t know what to do. I was at a loss, so I did what I often do when I don’t know what to do and I opened and expanded and I felt TaoGod’s love fill me.
For the Self, there is no right or wrong response to any given event. Every situation is unique. You feel yourself contract in response to a desire and if the contraction is soft and gentle then it’s best to let things be, but if it is dark and hard, then that’s an indicator that you are taking the desire personally and it’s time to step back and examine the situation more objectively.
As strange as it sounds, my Self-contraction was both soft and hard, both light and dark. And as Her love filled me, I still didn’t know what to do.
So I got out of Serenity and I walked over to the girl’s car, still unsure what I was going to say, when I heard a baby cry and I saw a tiny infant, no more than a few months old in a car seat/bassinet in the poor girl’s heap and the girl’s eyes met mine and they were startled and she was frightened because she knew she’d gotten caught and I glanced over at the baby and I stopped and I nodded and I smiled and I turned around and headed back the way I came.
I wasn’t sure what to tell the elderly couple, maybe make up a lie, but I didn’t have to because as I was walking back, they were driving away.
If this were a novel, the hero would have offered the girl twenty bucks for the case and handed it back to the elderly couple and if I hadthought about it that’s what I would have done but I didn’t think about it. The baby in the back surprised me. Shook me. Changed the course of events. The desperation in the girl’s attitude and dress and vehicle—the poorness of her, and the baby, the poor baby who’s chances of a good life… well, they weren’t so great.
For the girl, for the baby, I hope something valuable was in that case—maybe a cache of diamonds she could pawn and fulfill all her dreams. For the elderly couple though, I hope it was just a cheap, ten dollar toolkit.
I’ll never know.
Life’s not a novel.
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