See You Soon

Wayne Wirs: 1961-2017

Wayne Wirs: 1961-2017

NEAR LA BARGE, WY

August 28, 2017 11:48 AM

Having accomplished in this incarnation all that I had set out to do (spiritual awakening in 2009 and writing Mystical Oneness last year), I left this planet on the morning of August 31, 2017 at one of my favorite camps along the Green River in Wyoming.

Both of my former vehicles—a 2013 Nissan NV2500 hightop van and a much older 1961 human male—can be found at these coordinates. (I wrote this post earlier and scheduled it to be published after I detached from these silly, mortal remains.)

Do not be sad for me. For years I’ve looked forward to death. I’ve longed to merge with the Light/Her/my Beloved again. Not out of sadness or depression or anything negative, but—like two lovers once separated—as an eagerly awaited reunion.

As I type this—standing and in incredible physical pain—I’m really looking forward to being with Her again.

The Details

One of the key properties of awakening is the loss of attachments—attachments to your ego, attachments to your job, attachments to your stuff, even attachment to life itself.

One of the most profound benefits of losing the fear of death, is that you learn to appreciate life in all its beauty and splendor—especially in the simplest, everyday things. I hope I’ve clearly shared this love and appreciation over these many years of blogging.

But with this lack of attachment to life also meant I lost my sense of… patience with physical pain or restrictions to my freedom. This unwillingness to put up with what millions of people put up with everyday (physical pain, homelessness, penniless, …) probably makes me seem a bit prima donna-ish. From my perspective though, I’m simply not attached to life, so why live a life I don’t want to (homeless, broke, or in deep, physical pain)?

So, over time, I set up some tripwires—red-line events—that should I encounter any one of them, I’d simply check out of this life and start a new one:

  1. Running out of money
  2. Losing my home (my van, Serenity)
  3. Unbearable pain not resolved by a trip to the emergency room

The last one I added after my last go-round with my last kidney stone last year. I said, “That’s it. I’m not locking myself into a single location because of health or pain issues ever agin.” Any of the above red-line events affect both my freedom and quality of life.

About a month ago I slipped on a boulder along a river in Colorado and hurt my back. Since then the pain has been gradually building. I was able to make the trip down to Florida, but the flight back was pretty miserable. I suspect the fall caused some damage that my body is compensating for and this has started putting pressure on the sciatic nerve.

The pain really hit me though, a few days after the eclipse. After waking up, I almost called an ambulance because I couldn’t figure out a way to get out of bed without “dental pick to a raw nerve” pain shooting through the right side of my body (9 of 10 level pain). I don’t know what triggered this sudden and rapid escalation of the condition.

Long story short: I experience about 50-75 “dental pick” shocks of pain every day. Two visits to the VA and one to a chiropractor left me nothing but a six-day course of steroids, three days of pain meds (can you believe that? how to torture pseudo-homeless veterans), and seven days of muscle relaxers. They didn’t perform any X-rays or MRIs. Apparently, even with a pulse rate of 130 bpm, they still figured I was faking it for the hydrocodone. None of the meds have helped, and the pain has only worsened every day.

Off topic, but maybe a stepping stone to Bernie Sanders’ “Medicare for All” initiative would be to first implement a “Medicare for All Veterans” plan. Sort of solve two problems with one politically-friendly option and open the door for future healthcare growth. Eh, maybe my next life. Maybe a reader can pick up that mantel.

Anyway, as to the pain, to go from sitting to standing (and vice versa) hits me with at least three seconds of level 9 pain (swearing like a sailor while crying like a little girl) followed by 5 minutes of the pain gradually subsiding to about a 5 (my now daily and “normal” pain level). Getting in and out of the driver’s seat (with all its contortions) is even worse.

Sitting, because it puts pressure on the inflamed/damaged/who-knows-what-else sciatic nerve in my right glute (butt cheek) never gets less than a level 6 (usually 7) pain (like sitting on a thick metal rod or spike). Needless to say, this makes driving nearly impossible (I really should have stopped driving about a week ago, but a nomad who can’t drive is, well…). I’m standing—with painful shin splints in my right leg due to all the muscles compensating—in order to type this.

I know, I know, I know. This pain can be fixed. Surgery (maybe); an injection of botox (maybe); physical therapy (maybe); …. To which I must counter: VA health system; living in a van; loss of my freedom to wander; and “Is it safe?” levels of pain (Marathon Man (don’t watch that scene, it’s too upsetting)) 50-75 times a day until it’s resolved.

Plus no attachments to anything in life. Nothing holding me here.

Simply put, I’ve no patience for getting old. Patient enough to put up with a week of excruciating pain to see if the meds do their job, but not patient enough to fight what is. Okay, maybe I am a prima donna. 🙂

(Status update August 30, 2017 9:59 AM: The pain has not subsided. If anything, it is worse due to my right leg muscles compensating for the right glute.)

Reincarnation

I will be coming back though. I still have work to do on the TaoGod(I) Aspect (of the Nine Aspects of Being). This is the Aspect of divine union and probably why She stopped me from writing Being God: A User’s Manual. When you write a book on spirituality, you should at least be proficient (and ideally living one level above) the level you are writing about. Being God was more of a theory—a worldview—than most my other, experiential and evidence-based works.

(Status update August 30, 2017 9:59 AM: I have spent these final days focusing on exactly what I am to help with the death process and merging with the Light: I am Love. Aware, intelligent Love. Everything else is just the fog around me-as-Love. You are Love too.)

Now here’s where you can do me a favor (as crazy as it sounds). If you have a child or grandchild born anywhere from nine months to, say, nine years from now, and they have a birthmark on their right butt cheek (which is the center of all the pain I’m experiencing) or a damaged/birthmarked/missing right leg, then please introduce them to Mystical Oneness—or at least the theory—at an early age (you’re a fan anyway… pass it on!).

Birthmarks are often reflections of trauma sustained during the last moments of the previous life (see The Free Soul). As I will be inhaling helium to cease this misery (you just go to “sleep”) there won’t be any violent trauma type of injuries/birthmarks.

If I have any say in the matter, I’m going to try to find a fan of my work, and choose them as my next family. So there you go, I’m confessing one of my selfish reasons for writing Mystical Oneness: as a shortcut to my next life’s awakening. So in nine months, start checking those babies’ butts! 🙂

Mom

Mom, my only regret in this life is that I had to go first and put you through this. You’re just too damn healthy! I know you intuited this a few weeks ago in FL. Dad once told me that his “death tripwire” was if he ever got to the point he couldn’t go to the bathroom by himself. The other day, I almost passed out—my vision started to go dark—from the pain of sitting on a toilet in a Walmart (toilet seats hit the glute at the exact spot which sets off the 9 level, dental pick to the nerve-type of shock and pain). Dad was a wise man. Please don’t be too sad. I’ll see you soon enough. I love you.

Jeff

Jeff, there should be plenty of money in my bank account to handle all expenses. Save some money and toss my old body in the garbage for all I care. If you decide to sell Serenity, Bob Wells—a friend and big name in van dwelling circles—did a video on Serenity not long ago. I’m sure one of his tens of thousands of fans may be interested in her as there were a lot of positive comments on the video.

I’ve also just paid another $360 to Media Temple (the hosting service) so the blog should be good for another two years. You’ll have to figure out the password for the blog (username = admin then my standard password + pattern that I hope you remember). All passwords should be accessible via Safari on my iPhone, iPad, or Macbook once you unlock these devices (if these devices haven’t been stolen by whomever finds the van).

As for everything else, well, you’re a smart guy and you’ll figure out all the details. I love you brother. Sorry to leave you with another retirement project. You’ll be on that sailboat soon. 🙂 Kiss the kids and grandkids for me.

To All

Do not feel sad. I have accomplished everything I have set out to do. No authentic spiritual teacher fears death, so why would they allow themselves to endure physical suffering?

If I could only share one thing to help you grow it is to always remember this:

The less there is of you, the more there is of the Divine.

And if I could only share one piece of advice for your happiness it would be this:

Do everything for Love and everything you do will make you happy.

I’ll see you soon (no one ever dies).

I love you,

Wayne

It's Time To Wake Up

Mystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of BeingMystical Oneness and the Nine Aspects of Being is a step-by-step guide to enlightenment and beyond.

Available at:

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It's Time To Be Happy

The Serentity TechniqueWe live in divisive times.

The Serenity Technique provides 7 simple steps for inner peace… whenever you need it.

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It's Time Let Go

My Dying WordsImagine I have only seven days left to live.
Now imagine I share my last thoughts with you.

Available now on Amazon

121 thoughts on “See You Soon

  1. Dear Wayne,

    All of us would be remiss if we did not at least offer our hands and hearts to you. Can I help? I am certainly willing.

    The fact that no one seems the slightest bit alarmed and are willing to let you be, is a reflection of the state of apathy of our collective consciousness…IMHO No wonder shit never changes.

    I’m in Oklahoma, and do have some resources. You have my email…
    K.

  2. Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us Wayne.

    I sent the authorities to check on Wayne. He was indeed found to have shed his body, at the location he posted.

    You will be missed Wayne.

  3. I loved Wayne, too.

    Wayne made a big deal of what he called “transparency.” I expect I’ll get some blowback for saying this, but I found on a personal level, Wayne was very opaque. He seemed threatened by personal connection, seemed to be running away. I don’t know what constellation of life experiences may have predisposed him in that way, but it’s important to understand, the Wayne Wirs we see on the Internet is not the whole man.

    I say these things out of concern for those who may encounter his writings and think he had some kind of answer to the human side of spiritual life. Isolation is not an inherent feature of enlightenment. I believe Wayne’s death would not have been inevitable if he had found a way to discover that God is present in the human connections just as much as She is present in the vast world of mountains and rivers, forests and grasslands.

    In fact, I would have to say, the intense pain that prompted his impulse to kill himself could have just as well moved him to try to find what God was guiding him toward. It’s possible his sciatica would have resolved had he simply stopped driving for a few weeks. What might he have been challenged to discover if he had followed that prompt?

    Personal transformation is often prompted by pain, whether physical or emotional. On the other side of each round of transformation, one inevitably finds, one is ever more connected to God, ever more filled with grace, ever more united with the entirety of life.

    Goodspeed, my friend. I loved you, and I will always love you.

    • I was thinking along the same lines. I remember first seeing Wayne’s videos many years ago… but I lost track of his blog for a long while.

      I have been “searching” for some time, I explored this very much from the mind side. There were some “realizations” maybe, and I have felt this immense love once on meditation retreat… but there was also this pain.

      And here I am 6 years later in various therapy for trauma, doing the “healing” thing. On this journey I started seeing so many similarities between healing trauma and this search for oneness.

      it is in fact very common, I was told, that spiritual seekers have a history of trauma. After all, we all want to be free from pain. I heard from a podcast that a Buddhist said “trauma is in fact, the human condition”. And now I feel like this is truer than I ever realized. Everywhere I look, I see trauma.

      But more so than trauma what is fascinating is the notion of “dissociation”. Dissociation is the process by which mind keeps aspects of ourself unconscious in order to protect ourself from pain.

      What is important here I suppose is to “not throw the baby with the bathwater”. Wayne may have his own conditioning that led to his suicide… this doesn’t diminish all that he had to share. With due respect, I thought it was odd that he thinks running out of money is a reason to “check out”.

      There is a beautiful talk by Julie Yau on the relation between trauma and non-dual realization.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To-kV9bECgg

      “The human body is potentially a vessel of a profound process of transformation, encompassing the sensuous world of matter, the subtle realm, and the Absolute. The body is also a window to the depth of one’s human life and carries forward all of one’s experience, from infancy through to adulthood.”

      I think the next big step really for society is to understand trauma. It is everywhere, it IS the human condition. And its associated process of dissociation, IS the very process which maintains this “fog” that Wayne refers to in his book.

      Lastly I also think this awakening thing, is not straightforward safe process. I think if there is trauma, awakening can in fact become MORE problematic. I know my father had a motorbike accident and he said he talked to the trees, and he saw himself from above etc. I asked him once if he meant some kind of oneness and he agreed. But he had all kind of issues, and was never truly a father for me let’s just put it at that…. He clearly never healed his abandonment / neglect. He was single most of his life. He has been mostly lonely, and attached to a persona of “helping others” while he could not even be there to simply listen to me, his own son. To just be there and be a support for me.

      I believe for people who have trauma having realization of a spiritual nature can become a dead end: they sense a bigger picture, but they have never fully matured as an adult in the human world. And so they never quite get to live the human life to the full, because the traumatized / dissociated mind (aka “ego”) latches on these experiences and uses them to fortify the defenses. It says “well we are all one anyway”, and so there is no need to connect. And that means no risk of rejection. It says “i have a soul”, although it is a belief and the realizations are not complete, and so “it doesn’t matter that I am poor, because this is all illusion anyway”.

      This nearly happened to me too. After listening to Alan Watts I had some realizations about time and cause and effect. I had some moments of clarity… but I became lonelier than ever. I felt it was peace.. but two years later I realized I was so confuse. And I ended up doing therapy anyway.

      And with therapy I realized what I didn’t want to because of my fears: that we do in fact need others.

      If anything, others are a mirror to your own self. Without others, you can not heal conditioning.

      With al lthat said I am puzzled by Wayne’s video on the top right of the blog. He says in 2016 we found out what enlightenment is. What does he refer to? He mentions harmony of “two normally disparate parts of the brain”. This is very interesting to me, I am curious about what his conclusions were on that subject, because there is a very interesting video about Ian Mc Gilchrist”s “The Divided Brain” talking about left and right hemispheres and how much of Western civilization has basically over-used one hemisphere: the narrow / focused attention at expense of this broad / inclusive awareness. And we know meditation reinforces the other hemisphere… But I wonder if he really means harmony, or by that he meant that we under-utilize this right hemisphere way of perception.

      “RSA ANIMATE: The Divided Brain”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFs9WO2B8uI

    • Jerry… thank you for your response. I’d seen Wayne’s video months ago, decided to revisit it today because I really would like a Nissan. As I was reading the comments on Bob’s video with Wayne I noticed folks posted he’s deceased…. I’m speechless… located this web page… read Wayne’s note.
      I so appreciate the coherence of your reply as it reflects my thinking as I ponder “ what’s the point of living”…
      Jerry, do you have a website or email address?
      Thank you Marcia…

  4. Thank you..Jerry Freeman.
    There is more troubling than comforting emotions for me in Wayne’s departure. He created the pain in order to fulfill his one of three reasons for suicide…it gave him a reason to leave.

    We create our own pain in order to outwardly manifest internal unresolve. I agree that if we create it/ we can uncreate it.

    Because he ran from that opportunity…he’s got a buncha left over business to attend to..wherever he is now.

    I loved Wayne..Will miss him..but this helium ride he took..pisses me off.

  5. This is sad. I really wish he had let us know he was broke.

    The Tibetan dzogchen tradition holds the belief that he will walk the earth for 49 days, plus or minus.

    I will be on the lookout for Wayne.

  6. I’m just not really o.k with this…. I didn’t know Wayne or his work, I feel sort of shocked and disturbed… I’m feeling that he needed help and I’m so sad he didn’t get it xxxxxxxxx

  7. I never knew Wayne except through his website I found one day. I was so impressed by his photography that I looked forward to his posts, a quick read of the caption and downloading the picture to add to my slide show background. Odd, how I cry and ache for a man on a website.

    Surely, I will miss him and envied, somewhat, his traveling, nomad life. Truly, he is no longer in pain and in that magnificent place reunited with his higher self and She.

    I will miss you, Wayne, and will meet you someday, somewhere!
    Nancy RSM CA

  8. I never knew Wayne except through his website I found last year. So impressed was I with his photography, I looked forward to his posts, a quick reading of the caption and downloading his picture to add to my background slide show.

    I will miss him and wonder why I cry and have an ache in my heart for a man on a website. Truly, he is no longer in pain and in that magnificent place reunited with his higher self and She.

    I will miss you, Wayne and will meet you sometime, somewhere.

  9. Even when we are spiritually aware and know death is a transition to another state, when we lose a loved one, the pain of loss touches the heart and leaves a void. Sending friends and your fEven when we are spiritually aware and know death is a transition to another state, when we lose a loved one, the pain of loss touches the heart and leaves a void. Sending friends and family loving thoughts, blessings and comfort as they navigate the news of Waynes death.❤️

  10. My spiritual journey intersected with Wayne Wirs when I came across his photo essay “Fading Toward Enlightenment”. As a seeker, this work from Wayne moved me in ways that few other works have. The authenticity of what flowed in and through this book softened me and enabled my own fading.

    Though I’ve not followed or read his later works, I have never forgotten the impact Fading Toward Enlightenment had on me.

    Thank you Wayne, wherever you are and wherever you turn up.

    Love
    Sundar.

  11. I will miss you, but I’m happy that you are pain-free and at peace, Wayne. You wrote about your non-attachments so often, that I feel like you prepared us for this. I hope that you have been carried by Love into Love. Thank you. I’ll pray for your peaceful journey tonight.

  12. I’ve followed Wayne since he published Fading Toward Enlightenment, through all his phases, evolutions, and blogs. During a hard time in my life 21/2 yrs ago, I had the opportunity to meet him as I was close to where he was staying at the time. He met me for a long talk that lasted hours. He was exactly as he comes across in his writing, posts, and blogs; a spiritual seeker that’s very real, very transparent, very authentic, and very personable. Goodbye Wayne, I will miss immensely your writing and wisdom. And thank you for sharing it all, even to the very end.

  13. I didn’t know Wayne,
    and in reading this,
    it just reaffirms my belief in Suicide.
    I’m not a believer in God, in the
    organized religion sense anyways, perhaps as
    a higher power, or in the Universe ..
    I’m happy he chose to go out on his own terms ……
    I hope we have a chance to meet
    someday on the other side, or in a new dimension.
    We are, afterall, in control of ourselves.

  14. This is the first thing I have read from Wayne. However beautiful it is to see how somebody’s conviction can elevate him above his struggles and take him beyond his very life, I cannot help but feel that what I have read also was the story of a man, attached to a desire to leave life in an inspirational way. My admiration for his resolve equals my concern for his apparent desire to set an example.

    Since I am the Love that Wayne is too, then let It speak here that the transmutation of pain and body are inevitable anyway. Yes, life might develop in such a way that it obscures the vision of alternatives to reducing your life and death to matters that you take into your own hands. From what I have read, Wayne’s life gives that example. But life is also so… alive that you might follow the exact road Wayne has traveled, and it will be pretty much guaranteed that life will take you somewhere completely different. Even though you are the Love that Wayne is too, and through inhabiting your love the distinction between Lover, Beloved and Love itself might become mystified; here, down on earth, you are not Wayne.

    I hope I get a chance to broaden my perspective and expose my own attachments, by exchanging ideas with Wayne’s next incaration. May he/she have a beautiful life.

  15. Dear Wayne, I am praying and hoping that by some chance you are still with us. Please don’t do it. I can only imagine the pain and frustration you must be enduring. You will be sleep deprived, worn down by it, perhaps not thinking as clearly because of it. I am concerned that this decision is clouded by the physical, and the brain is physical too may be inducing you with concepts of rebirth and starting your book, these sound like delusions of escape that you have become attached to. Sorry if this sounds harsh.
    I am no expert on any of all this but I feel that this should not be your end. You have so much more to give than your words alone!!
    If there is a monastery or safe haven you can go to where you will be cared for please go there, surrender yourself to the loving kindness of others. They may help you to heal, and perhaps move to your next phase of this Life.

    But if you have passed I send you love and light in your passing. That you will be safe in the embrace of the love you so desired.

    • Elaine, I’m very sorry to say, Wayne is gone. Law enforcement was called and given the coordinates. They confirmed what had happened.

    • Elaine
      Friends in Texas extended their sanctuary towards Wayne…hoping he was still with us. I think many who loved him would have given this self chosen homeless man a home…had he been willing to accept love gifts like close human contact and friendship with others.
      Though there were many other routes he could have taken..his barriers to such created a painful fortress from which he could see only one way out.
      .

  16. Very very sad. It feels like the loss of a friend. Wayne, you should not have done this. Now that you have, however, hope you have found what you were looking for.

  17. I know Wayne doesn’t want us to be sad. I say the same thing about leaving this earth.
    I still feel sad for his passing. I never met him. I thank Randy Vining for introducing me to him via the internet.

  18. Love you Wayne!! Awakened or not physical pain is a great trigger for everybody.
    Physical pan + psychological pain on top of it is the pits and dark night of the soul for sure….and everybody dies!! there is not gracious exit…yet….and sometimes i think suicide is one of the most courageous one. Stoic people used to do that back in the day.
    I have a dream: Everyone reaching 50+ will be entering in a pre-planned system where knowing what is the Plan, all responsabilities, projects and everything one wanted to do in this incarnation will be DONE!! tHEN throw a big party to say good by and enter the: BEAM ME OUT SCOTTY!! so we will be beamed out into the real Light Beam to whatever next virtual reality is tghere to go.
    Finished, finito, end of suffering…whoever thinks this is a happy life is not paying attention!!
    Love to all still trudging the road to happy destiny.
    Gypsymaggie

  19. So sorry to hear that you checked out, Wayne. It doesn’t quite seem right. But, now that you are gone, rest in peace, my friend. God’s love be with you, always.

  20. Oh What have you done Wayne, what have you done !!
    The tears are simply refusing to stop – no matter what I do to stop them.

    May You forever Rest In Peace and Thank You for all your Love and Sharing.

  21. For those who have similar pain issues as Wayne did. Please dont just rely on allopathic (regular) medical solutions. Wayne didnt tell us about his problem (i checked his last half dozen blog posts, and not a word). My mother-in-law is recovering for heart attacks and breast cancer using cbd concentrate cannibis oil. This stuff really works. She was near death, bed ridden, when we started this treatment and now, two months later, she can get up and down stairs, go for short walks in her stroller, etc. This has been a remarkable recovery. We had heard of relatives of several people we knew whom had had similar success, and better. You put a small bead of it on your finger and press it onto your inner cheek inside your mouth three times daily (do research on internet for more details).

    So, Wayne, if you had told us your problem before you offed yourself you might have found some relief. I just wish you could have stopped playing the guru long enough to let us help you.

  22. A very provocative act. I’m sure the great mystery has wrapped you in her arms after greeting you on the otherside. I do remember in one of your earliest posts, saying you would kill yourself if not enlightened by a certain date. While terrible pain can be truely unbearable and being broke is terrifying, they might have been passing events. I hope you didn’t truncate your incarnation before all was revealed. I thank you for your teachings and wish you happy trails. I really have appreciated and admired your sincerity, bravery, intensity and devotion to your spiritual voyage.

  23. I posted this elsewhere. Perhaps it’s relevant here …

    Wayne Wirs, you never knew how much I cared about you. In memory of a fiercely independent man who recently took his own life:

    “It is true that we are called to wholeness. But the reality is that we can never be completely whole in and of ourselves. … So we are called to wholeness and simultaneously to recognize our incompleteness; to power and to acknowledge our weakness; and to both individuation and to interdependence.

    ‘Rugged’ individualism … runs with only one side of the paradox and incorporates only one half of our humanity. It recognizes that we are called to individuation, power and wholeness. But it denies entirely the other part of our story: that we can never fully get there and that we are, of necessity in our uniqueness, weak imperfect creatures who need each other.

    This denial can be sustained only by pretense. … The idea of rugged individualism encourages us to fake it. It encourages us to hide our weaknesses and failures. It teaches us to be utterly ashamed of our limitations. It drives us to attempt to be superwomen and supermen. … It pushes us day in and day out to look as if ‘we had it all together,’ as if we were without needs and in total control of our lives. It relentlessly demands that we keep up appearances. It also relentlessly isolates us from each other. And it makes genuine community impossible.”

    ~ M. Scott Peck, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace

  24. This was posted a couple of days ago but when viewed on my computer it says “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” So I’m trying it a second time without filling in the Website field. Sorry if it is a duplicate.

    You’re a really lucky guy. I’ve read in a Doctor David R. Hawkins book that at the moment of enlightenment most people select to die instead of continuing their current life. You stuck around to help the rest of us. Thank you.

    Wish I could afford your van. I lived in a Dodge Caravan for two years. It was cramped but livable.

    Even though I know Wayne was feeling awesome after his body’s death I’ve still got a tear in my eye because I feel like I’ve lost a friend.

    This is the first suicide note I’ve ever read. It makes sense. He let us know why he left at this time.

    I’ve learned from other spiritual teachers and from my own experience that life can’t be killed. It can only transform.

    We’re all God. There is nothing in existence or unmanifest that isn’t God. God can’t die. Thanks for the lessons Wayne. Wish we could have met in person.

  25. @ all, i have never met wayne but had few email conversations with him. i am also a seeker. After the last book wayne wrote (dying words) , i thought that he is finding it difficult to shed the body and also make other people accept mystical aspects of life. I shared with him some aspects of a present day guru & mystic sadhguru, who is 3rd time enlightened and took birth totally willingly this life & shed his body previously just sitting willingly in full awareness, without harming the body. He has took birth just to teach and create some yogic practices. Some of his disciples have also done the same – understood the whole mechanism of life and just merge in the cosmic at will. (sometimes called as mahasamadhi or mukti). Wayne had said to me that he will read about him.
    I am writing it here in comments to convey to all seekers like Wayne who are very aware & desperate to merge into totality ending this physical life; there is a better way which does not cause any harm to body and ensures that you do not return. I know Sadhguru as a current teacher teaching that, there may be many more around but not so popular.

  26. You’re wrong Wayne. You left a hole in the psyche of everyone that loved you. You have altered time and space. The fact that you were alive means it was not your time to go. The pain? I’m not saying don’t treat or fix the pain but pain is part of our learning process. Sadly for you this will actually set you back because now you have to rectify removing yourself before your time. I pray you receive the guidance and courage to bring you back to zero. If you truly had learned all you needed you wouldn’t have needed to take your life, it would have been done for you. Peace be with you my friend

  27. I too knew and loved Wayne.
    For those of you struggling to understand his motives, I want to shed some light on his pain issues. He said

    “to go from sitting to standing (and vice versa) hits me with at least three seconds of level 9 pain”…”the pain, to go from sitting to standing (and vice versa) hits me with at least three seconds of level 9 pain (swearing like a sailor while crying like a little girl) followed by 5 minutes of the pain gradually subsiding to about a 5 (my now daily and “normal” pain level). Getting in and out of the driver’s seat (with all its contortions) is even worse.”

    If you are unfamiliar with numbers associated with pain, its what we use in the hospital for patients to rate their discomfort on a scale from 0 (not pain) to 10 (the most unbearable pain you ever had). Of course it is a subjective scale, meaning that everyone rates pain differently. But keep in mind that Wayne had experienced a kidney stone and (from my own experience) would no doubt have rated it a 10. Now a 10 means that your entire consciousness is engulfed in pain, you cant even think, your body screams and moans all by itself, and you hyperventilate uncontrollably. It is hell. You can appreciate that a 9 is not much better. For me, a 5 level means that pain has grabbed my attention and all I can think about is how to treat it. Now imagine that you experience pain on a scale of 5-9 many times daily, with no hope of relief. Perhaps that puts some perspective on Wayne’s mindset.

    In memory, here is a link to Wayne’s favorite song, relevant to the title of his last message:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDz-ftqr1g

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