JOHN DAY DAM, WA–Yesterday, on the phone with Jim, I was telling him how I wasn’t sure if the truck is for me. He said I should just find a cabin on a lake and rent it for a few months. That resonated with me.

This morning, as I was looking at the stats of this website, I saw that someone had found my site by searching for the words, “for i have found the teacher of truth.” Curious, I plugged it into google (click the link above) and my website came up as the only hit. I clicked the link, since I was pretty sure I never wrote those words, and it turned out to be a comment from our own Ms. Q from South Africa, a long-time reader of this blog.

More surprising was the date, exactly one year ago today (September 1). More surprising still, was the content of the post where I was announcing for the first time what was happening to me after my personal self had dropped.

It’s taken awhile, but I’ve learned to listen to Her. I closed my laptop and drove down to my “cabin on a lake.” Seems like the perfect time and place to help dig out this little pebble of mine.

ON THE LAMB IN BELLINGHAM, WA–So I drift into Everson, WA to honor The Bastard Doug Coone’s legacy, stop in a practically vacant church lot, and hop in the back to take a shower (the mornings and evenings are pretty cold up here, so afternoons are best for bathing). Clean and refreshed, I strap on my camera bag and wander around town taking photos and asking locals about a place Doug used to work at called the “Silver Fox.” The entire time I’m in town, the local police officer, let’s call him Earl, is following me about, giving me the evil eye…

More below the break (huh)?

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REST STOP ON I-5 AFTER BEING CHASED OUT OF BOTH EVERSON & BLAINE, WA–Things I Saw Since Yesterday.

More images below the break (huh?).

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MILE MARKER 150, RT 20, NORTHERN CASCADES, WA–Things I Saw Since Yesterday.

More images below the break (huh?).

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LOLO NATIONAL FOREST NEAR ST. REGIS, MT–As I drove northwest from Missoula, I stopped by a river, read, ate, and took a bath in its cool, clear waters. With no pressing engagements, I decided to spend the night.

I love the freedom that the stealth camper provides. Without the need to research campgrounds, I can just drive off in any direction I feel like heading, stop when I’m tired, make camp pretty much wherever. The freedom is wonderful.

In the last post I mentioned that I was inquiring into this “pebble” of self, this “Wayne” thing. If you’re interested, I go into it more below the break (huh?).

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A STARBUCKS IN MISSOULA, MT–”Flowing” would be a good word for my direction lately. I’ve been in Missoula a couple days now, mostly working on the the consulting gig and poking at this little “pebble” of self that remains in the Oneness flow (more on that later).

I haven’t done much on the rig since I left. No direction has clarified whether to keep her or not, so I’m not putting a lot of effort into fixing her up. I’m not feeling any pressure to decide though, so I’m just coasting with it until it clarifies.

More and more I find this is the best way to make life decisions, just roll with the situation–not fight it or try to control it–until a direction clarifies. When the time is right, She’ll make Her intentions known.

A COFFEE SHOP IN KALISPELL, MT–Things I Saw Since Yesterday: GLACIER NATIONAL PARK, MT.

More images below the break (huh?).

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BY A LAKE ABOUT 5 MILES NORTH OF BEACH, NORTH DAKOTA–”Jim and his Karma” left a comment on my last blog post stating basically that he felt I was just kidding myself about this enlightenment thing. (Actually, he left two comments, but I wrote this before receiving the second one). My response below the break (huh?).

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A CORNFIELD SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE BISMARCK, ND–After locking my keys in the truck while stopping for a break in the woods of the Chippewa forest, I took it as a sign that 1) She wanted me to stay the night here and 2) it was time to get my priorities straight.

An hour later I got the truck unlocked (with a small branch no less), and spent two nights right in that spot.

In the video The Secret they tell you that you can gain your wildest desires if you only focus on them. That’s true–if you aren’t ego based. Spirit (what I call Her) almost magically provides as long as there is little or none of “you” left. This is simply because there is less of “you” and more of Her operating through your body/mind.

Lately I have been concerned about problems with the truck (a natural concern with a used vehicle) and sure enough, I’ve been having problems with the truck. Nothing big, and frankly mostly my own fault, but enough to really make me see who’s really running things here.

So I spent the two days re-evaluating my priorities:

1. Really start listening to Her.
2. See and drop any resistance to Her.
3. Work on the consulting gig (for income).
4. Make the truck more livable.

ASHLAND, WI–So I’m driving and my mind is spinning around and around with stuff like, “Is this really the lifestyle I want? Look at the freedom! I feel like I’m doing something wrong when I make camp in someone’s parking lot. I can travel anywhere and stay anywhere!”

Round and round and round.

The doubts come up when I can’t get online to do some work or I’m taking a shower with a garden pump sprayer or I’m using a bucket and cat litter for a toilet. The joy and freedom is felt when I pull off the road overlooking Lake Superior, open the back doors and sit in my home and take in the view for a couple hours.

As my mind spun in circles and the doubts whirled, I asked myself, “Did I do the right thing?” and just as clear as day I heard Her voice, “You’ll know when you get out West.”

Until just that moment, I didn’t know where I was heading.

Take over Baby. I don’t need me anymore. Let me just get out of Your way.

PARADISE, MI–The last few nights I’ve been awoken by the thought, “The tire is going to blow out and I’ll be stuck in the middle of nowhere.”

So, on the way to Paradise, MI (Upper Peninsula), I had the one tire that was balding, replaced. But what should have been a 30 minute job became three hours. They stripped a stud and nut, so now I only have 5 nuts holding the (new) tire on instead of six. It’s a Friday of course and there are no studs or nuts for my truck to be found. I told them not to worry about it and went on my way.

I think She’s doing this to me on purpose–wearing what little there is left of me down. Ironically, after each incident, each problem, I feel somehow more open. More serene.

Modern spirituality says you have to surrender, you have to stop. I think that can take you far–very far–but ultimately, if you really want to be one with the All, you have to die for Her. Not just give up trying, but die to yourself so She can run things. You’ve got to say, “I’m done with me. I’m broken. I’m not working anymore. This ‘me’ is a useless piece of crap and is just getting in the way. Take over, Baby. Thy Will be Done.”

There is an amazing feeling of freedom to it.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–One of the great lessons that problems teach us, as I have been reminded of over and over lately, is that we can resist them and be miserable, or we can step back, surrender, and feel free as Life takes us on Her own journey.

It’s natural to resist, to fight, to try to overcome the obstacles (the personal self loves to control things), but by surrendering your desires and saying, “Come what may,” you step away from the troubles, and then magically the stress just falls away.

For myself at times like these, I like to slide into what I call the Passionate level of Enlightenment–letting go, opening up, and allowing Her to flow through me.

I probably best described the Passionate Level here (and guide listeners into it here). It’s wonderful to feel some higher power (God, Tao, Spirit, Higher Self, Her) moving through you. You almost never know where it’s going, but it always feels “right.”

PS: Some more photos of the truck’s current interior (with new floor and dressers) below the break. (What does “below the break” mean?)

PPS: I picked up the missing bolt on Monday, the truck is fixed, and I should be heading north to cooler air in a couple days.

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–As I was sitting at a light yesterday, a guy jumps out of his car, runs over to me and says, “Hey, you’re truck’s spraying diesel from your engine!” (Bad Luck).

Sure enough, there was this huge hole in my engine shooting diesel fuel all over the place.

Actually, it was just a little hole where a bolt fell out, but in the middle of traffic with a heat index of 120, your mind pictures all these worst case scenarios and holes where they shouldn’t be just look bigger.

More below the break. (What does “below the break” mean?)

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–It’s amazing what a few holes in a box can do. Two windows and a vent and all of the sudden, there is light and air and Life.

Pure awareness–that which is your nature before your mind starts buzzing–is a lot like the new windows in my truck. It really isn’t anything special, just an opening–but that opening allows for us to see and breathe. What was dark before awareness/windows, is now light. In a very real way, openings allow Life.

I differ from many non-dual teachers in that I spend a lot of time celebrating and appreciating the life that flows forth from this emptiness (and I call that flowing, moving Life, “Her.”)

Before, when I climbed inside the back of the truck and closed the doors it was pitch black and stuffy. Now there is light and air (and Life). Your awareness is the Light and Life–and ironically, your mind confuses things and makes everything dark.

(Raw pictures of the truck with windows and the early bed below the break.  What does “below the break” mean?)

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–If all goes well, my windows and vent should be installed sometime this week. I’ve been working on the bed frame and platform the last couple of days. I decided on a full size version (versus the smaller twin), even though it will take up more space. A lot of time is spent in bed, so I figured I’d do it right.

Though I could have gone with a folding sofa/bed design (copying what Randy had done in his stealth trailer), I went with the simpler, always down bed. I can change it later if I find it gets too cramped inside.

The bed will sit three feet up in the air so there will be plenty of storage space underneath. This is a big reason why I wanted to get the bed done (versus just an air mattress on the floor). I needed someplace to store the boxes of my stuff and keep them from shifting while driving.

Since I don’t have a skill saw (my 1500 watt inverter isn’t powerful enough to run one), I just have the wood cut to my measurements at the Lowe’s, and then it’s just a matter of assembling the pieces.

Because I’m taking it slow–doing a step at a time then re-evaluating my plans–I’m finding I make less mistakes. This has made the whole process much more enjoyable.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–So far the Truck Project has been a powerful teacher of Reality and the mind’s interpretation of it.

The project has constantly thrown in my face two very different views of the same thing: The Real World and the Mind’s World.

More below the break.  (What does “below the break” mean?)

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–Consistently, when faced with a problem, I am finding that if I just do my research and then put off fixing/deciding/acting, within a couple of days I will see something that will trigger a powerful, right-feeling, answer.

Nothing magical about it. You’ve probably heard of this before. But what I am finding interesting is how reliable it is. Before, Wayne Wirs used to feel proud when he would figure out a problem with his brain. It made him feel smart and special.

Now I find it much more rewarding (and a powerful reinforcement of our “connectedness) when I just let go and let Her show me the way.

It has happened so often over the last year that I no longer consider it mystical–just a simple, natural (though not easily explainable), aspect of life.

I love it.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I’ve been looking at the maps lately, looking outward. Looking toward the Road. I’m more comfortable with the truck now–more confident in her–in her reliability, her quirks and personality.

Once the ceiling vent and windows are installed (I’m having them done–I’m leery of cutting into the walls and roof), I’ll return to the Road.

Initially, I’ll travel in survival mode. I’ll lay in a plywood floor to cover the current grated metal one, toss in an air mattress, a cooler, a camp stove. A bucket for a toilet, a pan and sprayer for a shower. A camp chair to relax and read in. Some containers to stow my few possessions.

I’ll head north in search of cooler weather. Maybe the rugged Maine coastline with its small harbor towns. From there? Who knows? I’ll go to wherever She calls.

I’ll build out the interior as I go, a step at a time, learning what works and what doesn’t. Like Life, you learn it by living it, you find your way by feeling it.

I’m looking forward to the Adventure. To this next phase of my life.

I hear Her calling to me. I feel her pull.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–(PARENTAL WARNING: If you are the parent of a stupid and/or accident-prone child, you are advised NOT to read the following article.)

As I’ve often said on this blog, I am a very lucky man. Being very lucky makes up for most of my stupidity and casual attitude toward danger. For an example of this Stupid/Luckiness Yin/Yang-type dualism, see my “Diabolical A/C Removal Project” below the break. (What does “below the break” mean?)

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I’m going to be here for another two weeks or so, waiting on some windows to come in for my stealth RV. This will give me some time to work on the interior. I’ve already installed the deep cycle batteries (2 Sears Platinum PM-2′s, 3 year full exchange policy!), an inverter (converts battery DC electricity to standard “house” AC electricity), attached a battery isolator (to charge the batteries when the motor is running), removed the shelves (by drilling out a bunch of rivets) and cleaned the walls.

I’ve got it almost to the bare room (blank slate) stage.

I’m in the middle of removing the gigantic A/C unit which will free up some headroom toward the back of the box. Turns out it comes in two units–the inside and the outside–so I’ll leave the outside unit in place to keep the seals intact (hopefully).

A couple of embarrassingly blah before and after photos below the break.

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–For the last week or so, I have been running from place to place, trying to find hard-to-find parts, assemble them, realize my mistakes, return them, and repeat.

Every day I’ve said to myself (because I need the income), “Tonight, I’m going to write code.” Every night I’ve been too beat to sit at the computer and crunch out software. Instead I veg out, sleep, and repeat.

My mind just works better in the morning.

So as much as possible, I’m trying to write code in the mornings and save the grunt work for the afternoons and evenings. I may not get the truck as camper-ready as quickly as I’d like, but the balance is definitely much more healthy.

I even get bonus material: Though I shouldn’t be surprised by this (I am still amazed it happens so regularly), every time I drop the “trying to make it happen” attitude – ideas, hard-to-find-parts, and resources seem to naturally (even effortlessly) appear on their own.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I have been feeling really down since buying the truck. My mind has been filled with dreads and doubts and worries. My mind has been focusing almost exclusively on problems: Can I have AGMs and Lead Acid Batteries on the same circuit? Should I cut a window here? How do I get all these rivets out? After spending all this money and effort, what do I do if the transmission locks up? People are going to think you are homeless. No one will take you seriously anymore. You’ve made a huge mistake, you’re an idiot.

But all those thoughts are just the mind doing what minds do: worry, solve problems, protect (and criticize) the personal self. More below the break…

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–After driving to State College, PA then to Gaithersburg, MD then to Winchester, VA on two of the hottest (record breaking) days of the year in an un-air-conditioned jeep, I finally landed my stealth camper. Slept in it last night (miserably hot) just to get a feel for it. Serious buyer’s remorse, but hopefully that’s just from spending 48 hours in unrelenting heat and humidity. I need to focus on the end game.

Drove it back to Newport News because I can run an extension cord out of my hotel room’s window and do some work on the rig in a deserted parking lot next door to the hotel (while sleeping in an air conditioned room). I’m such a wimp.

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I’ve received a whole bunch of emails over the last few days asking why I’m looking for a “stealth RV.” I can sum it up in four words, “The Bastard Doug Coone.”

More below the break…

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–My energies have been really scattered lately. Selling the RV, figuring out what to keep and what to let go of, searching for a stealthy replacement “RV,” working on the consulting project….

Yesterday I spent 12 hours on the road looking at used shuttle buses. When my mind came up with the idea, “A shuttle bus! That would make a great stealth vehicle!” it was all excited. As soon as I looked at my first one, my stomach sank. It just didn’t feel right for some reason. Maybe it’s the concept. Maybe it’s just timing. Maybe it’s fear smacking me in the face. I don’t know, but I walked away from each of them. I haven’t always been this way, but I trust my gut now more than my head.

Anyway, my mind lately has been racing and questioning and fretting. It’s like a beehive in there, all this buzzing as the mind tries to solve all of these “problems.”

But, unlike last year, I now reside behind all the activity. Last year at this time, I was the buzzing. Now the buzzing is just noise and tension that happens inside of me.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m anything special though, it’s just that I’ve come to realize (and feel) this truth. This “everything-happens-inside-of-you” aspect, is happening within you also. All it takes is just a slight shift in your identity (what you think you are). You are not the noise buzzing in the empty room, you are the empty room.