Desert Grass In The Setting Sun

Desert Grass In The Setting Sun

The Mountains east of YUMA, AZ

Tao: The vast unknowable space which is the source of the “ten thousand things.” Implied by quantum theory’s quantum potential.

God: The infinite intelligence. Implied by synchronicity.

Her: The Lover/Beloved. Distinctly felt when the personal self illusion is dropped and the duplex personality awakens.

Many call Her God. Some call Her the Universe or the Infinite or Being. I used to call Her simply She, but I now call Her TaoGodHer.

I don’t know why.

I just like the name… TaoGodHer.

Mystical Oneness: Intimacy with the Divine

Mysterious Sky

Mysterious Sky

WICKHAM CP, FL—Probably the most surprising quality of Mystical Oneness is the awakening of the Divine within.

When this happens, it doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not (I didn’t). When ongoing synchronistic events start happening over and over and over—when odds-defying “coincidences” start happening everyday—then the only reasonable explanation a rational person can make is that there must be an all-knowing, all-powerful intelligence operating behind the scenes.

Just like the magical traits were a complete surprise to me, so too was my realization that there had to be a God (and I was very resistant to this idea).

But once I came to terms with this mind-boggling realization, once I relaxed into it, She became an intimate part of—and an active participant in—my life (as long-time readers of this blog are fully aware of).

But this God realization/awakening of the Divine within isn’t anything unusual, indeed, it should be expected of any awakened person since history is filled with people possessing this duplex personality.

Not only does She fill your life with the magical (see previous post), but She fills your interior life also. Just like I hear/experience my thoughts as other (thoughts that come from my brain, not “me”), my mind is often injected with powerful insights that have the distinct impression that they came from Her/God/the Divine. Often She’ll even impel me to say or do something that comes as a complete surprise.

There is a “you” and there is a “Her” and there is the Unity of them both and—as odd as it sounds—this She/We/I doesn’t seem in the least bit paradoxical. It feels quite natural.

As Jenny Wade states in listing qualities of what she calls the Transcendent Level:

Paradoxicality: Awareness of the unity of opposites is not incompatible with a world where perception is determined by dualism (the implicate and explicate orders).

Sense of the numinous: The oneness of all phenomena is perceived as sacredness—Cosmic Unity.

A little dry for my tastes, but that is what I mean by: The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

Mystical Oneness: Flowing No-Self



WICKHAM CP, FL—Mystical Oneness can be thought of as a state of flowing in Life. Unlike the various levels where the Self feels like a permanent fixture (a “Me”), Mystical Oneness is the integration of all the levels and thus the me/Self is a constantly flowing, dynamic thing.

She/We/I don’t reside at any level. I/She/We are constantly flowing among the levels, acting through them as the situation calls for—acting in accordance to Her whispers.

No pronoun (I or We or She) can aptly describe this duplex no-me thing. Calling myself I/We/She sounds both clunky and silly, so naturally I say “I” but the experience of this I is nothing like it used to be not long ago.

Being back in Florida, my mother is often concerned about all the effort I put into helping her out, but from my perspective, in helping I’m simply operating from the Emptiness level—Love and Light operating without any self-interest (see Removing Yourself from the Equation).

When I’m writing code, I’m operating from the Mortal level—making money to keep this physical thing alive.

When I’m walking through a grocery store or the mall or the woods (or standing in a casino), I’m operating from the Radiant level, shining a Light out into this world (while still residing in the world as the portal).

Most people, to use a term I picked up from the nomad Randy, have a “default setting.” They may temporarily experience a higher (or lower) spiritual state, but they typically fall back to their default setting. The mystic in Oneness no longer has a default setting. She/They/He is in a constant state of flux—a state that is a direct reflection of whatever Life calls for… a flowing no-self.


A Night in the Casino

Street Light In a Parking Lot

Street Light In a Parking Lot

SANDIA CASINO, ALBUQUERQUE, NM—I stood in the casino and opened. It was busy, a Friday night, and all the tables were filled and the noise was loud and the slot machines were spinning with nonstop activity.

I leaned against the wall and sipped my drink and surrendered and opened and wished everyone luck and within seconds, a young woman came up to me and started to flirt but soon relaxed and moved past her intentions and told me of her upcoming settlement from a car accident and She spoke through this ‘me’ and told her not to squander it but use it to pursue her dream… the dream she’s always had since she was a little girl, the meaning of her life, and she looked at me and hugged me and smiled with a tear in her eye and gratitude on her face and suddenly hurried away in embarrassment.

Moments later a huge man walked up, towering over me and asked if I was a preacher. He said there was a light around me and that he liked my look, the flip flops and tee-shirt and jeans. He was mentally slow, but happy and he said he could see angels and he was drawn to me. He was very proud of his Saint Christopher’s medal, but I touched the peace symbol he also wore and pointed out that normally it is surrounded by a circle but his was encased in a heart and I/She/We looked him in the eye and made sure he was listening and said that peace always comes from the heart and never from the head and that he was very lucky in this way—far luckier than most.

I/She/We then pointed to the room filled with people placing chips and spinning slots and said each of these people has the Light within them also, but like a flower that has yet to bloom, their minds block this Light, and unlike you and I who know the Truth that the Light shines from the heart and not the head and he was silent a moment and then a glow came to his face and he smiled and grasped me in a huge hug and tears came to my eyes because I was so happy and grateful to have been there when She touched such a gentle soul.


Me and Jed McKenna

My Favorite Self Portrait

OUTSIDE MAGDALENA, NM—I recently finished Jed McKenna’s Theory of Everything, which ironically came out around the time I was re-releasing A Simple Explanation for Everything (two very different books though).

As I read it, I found myself in the odd place of being both in agreement with some of his conclusions, while at the same time in disagreement with most of his logic. … Read more…

Why I Blog

Fallen Leaf

PERCHA DAM SP, NM—Joyce, the tent-toting spiritual seeker I’ve mentioned before, stopped by unexpectedly yesterday. We had a nice, hour-long chat and she raised some excellent points about how easily my blog and message could be misinterpreted by serious seekers of enlightenment.

This provided me with a very good opportunity to clarify why I write this blog. … Read more…

The Muse

The Cable Across the River

CABALLO LAKE SP, NM—The other day I was telling Glenn that when I don’t feel inspired by a project, I simply don’t work on it (assuming it doesn’t have a deadline). I put it off until inspiration hits again. More often than not, my passion re-ignites and an inner beauty manifests as elegant prose, inspired imagery, or a powerful insight.

The mind, obsessively focused on goals, constantly yells at us to “do,” but if we’re not feeling the passion, then we are living inauthentically. We’ll phone it in. We’ll do a lousy job. We’ll sell ourselves short.

I’m becoming more and more convinced that the Muse in us… is God in us (see the Duplex Personality). That we feel Her through excitement and inspiration and passion. That if we learn to listen to Her whispers—that if we put more value in our heart than our head—then Beauty will come into being in whatever we do.

Of course I could be wrong, but where’s the harm?

The less there is of you (trying, trying, trying), the more there is of Her.

Authentic Spiritual Teachers

Portals In the Desert

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—After getting out of bed, I immediately wrote this down in my journal. As with most of my journal posts, it’s not well thought out, nor fleshed out. Just a typical (for me) 5am insight. I am no expert on spiritual teachers or their teachings (I don’t follow or keep up with them).

Date: February 6, 2013 6:47 AM 

Authentic Spiritual Teachers

This morning, during my early morning musings, it became apparent why certain (still living) teachers feel authentic to me (Tolle, Adyashanti) while most others don’t.

When you step through the gateless gate at the top of the mountain, you have, as I see it, three choices:

  1. Stay at the top (ie: Ramana Maharshi) engulfed in emptiness and with no desire (rare, since it requires someone to take care of you),
  2. Turn around and head back down (and often start teaching),
  3. Or continue onward, heading down the mountain—not the way you came up, but down the side few people travel.

The truly (in my opinion) authentic teachers, the ones I consider “Illumined,” are the ones who continue onward (#3), who explore the “new” real world on the other side of the mountain. The side where the essences of Life—the core archetypes—are revealed and felt and experienced in their beauty and pureness: Love, Wonder, Lust, Anger, Will, Uncertainty, Gratitude, Confusion, ….

Not the dead, emptiness “world” that most of today’s nondual teachers focus on, but the land of raw, pure, untainted emotions that make up Life itself. Not feelings that are shunned or explained away, nor bent to fit an ideal, belief or theory—but which are felt and lived and experienced unabashedly. The divine world beyond thoughts and theories where God Herself resides in raw purity.

I believe that all authentic spiritual teachers are, by necessity, mystics—that the Will that operates through them is not entirely their own (the duplex personality).

Adyashanti calls God within the Infinite.

Tolle (last I heard) calls God within Presence.

I simply call Her Her.

Note to readers: After passing through the “gateless gate,” when the personal self was seen through, I at first did what most do, #2 above: theorized, explained and pontificated. That was until She finally drove me back up and over the other side of the mountain during the course of the first year with a series of bizarre and ongoing “mishaps.” See September 2009 though September 2010 in the Archives at the right for various examples.


The Enlightened Jesus

ROCK HOUND SP, NM—I’ve always felt that Jesus was enlightened, yet for many years I believed he was a bit “off”—the whole God and Heaven and stuff seemed kind of delusional to me. I used to feel that Jesus’s awakening was inferior to the Buddha’s which seemed—based on what I had read about enlightenment—much more pure.

Amazing how my beliefs and faith in authorities could completely deceive me.

I now feel, based not on anyone’s teachings but on experience, that I had my conclusions exactly backwards.

Buddha’s teachings, as well as most of today’s nondual teachings, focus on the Emptiness Level—the level of no boundaries.

Jesus taught that “the kingdom of God is within.” That bliss and love and joy and eternal life are within the individual, which implies the integration of the Emptiness level with the Mortal level (and any and all levels in between).

Jesus demonstrated the duplex personality (God within) in all that he did, that we are at once both Man and God—both One and separate. Buddha… not so much.

When my personal self fell away, I found myself in the Emptiness Level and I called that “enlightenment.” I thought I had arrived, I thought, based on what I had read about enlightenment, that I had gone as far as I could go.

But I’ve never been one to listen to authority. I’m a firm believer in discovering for myself the truth of anything, so I continued to observe life from this new perspective, to flesh out the patterns, and to question all that I had been told or read about enlightenment.

It was a little over a year after my awakening before I finally recognized and acknowledged my own duplex personality—a Divine Intelligence (what I call “Her”) operating behind everything while at the same time being an integral part of me (Man and God, separate and One).

Jesus was a wunderkind. His awakening was so pure that his “connection” to his God-half was almost completely transparent. His was a “prodigal” awakening as opposed to most awakenings (my own included) that are much more opaque and less evolved.

Whereas most awakenings plop you down just on the other side of the gate-less gate (the Emptiness level) and take time, practice and patience to evolve communication with “the God within” (the duplex personality), Jesus’s awakening landed him so far ahead of others that he became unique in human history.

He couldn’t have said it any more clearly: The kingdom of God is within you. Christ (God in/as Man) is within you.

You and God are one (the less there is of you, the more there is of Her).

She’s always been there. She’s always seen out your eyes. She’s always felt your doubts and longings and loves and fears.

She is you.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!

It’s Good To Know I’m Not Insane

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—I’ve been reading Cosmic Consciousness by Richard Bucke (published in 1905) off and on for about a week now, and am finding some fascinating insights and shared experiences with others who’ve gone through “the Illumination.”

One of the shared traits that really struck me was what Bucke calls the duplex personality, that “another individuality, another self, lived in him” (the awakened individual).

“The duplex personality of men having cosmic consciousness will appear many times as we proceed and will be seen to be a constant and prominent phenomenon.” – Richard Bucke

  • Jesus called his “the Kingdom of Heaven”
  • Paul called his “Christ”
  • Muhammad called his “Gabriel”
  • Dante called his “Beatrice”
  • Balzac called his “Seraphita”
  • Bacon (arguably) voiced his as “Shakespeare”
  • Whitman called his “My Soul”

I’ve been calling mine “She” for years, and it’s good to see this pattern in others. Good to see that today’s focus on the Emptiness Level is not the big “End All”, but just another step on the way to union with the Divine (Mystical Oneness).

It’s good to know that I’m not insane or schizophrenic—that I’m in good company in experiencing a “duplex personality”… in experiencing Her.