The Perfect Teacher

Flawed Perfectly

Flawed Perfectly


July 25, 2015 10:58 AM

I spent the morning in a coffee shop, tagging blog posts to be included in the re-tentatively titled book The Awakening of a Mystic: Enlightenment was only the beginning…. I know, I know, I’ve started and stopped this book (and others) a number of times, but since I’m going through an O/S reboot, consolidating the past in book form seems like a safe bet.

In going through the posts, I kept coming back to how often I was “confessing my sins”—how imperfect I come across when compared to most spiritual teachers. Then I saw my comment on this recent post which is so indicative of the nature of much of the spiritual transparency problemThe idea that spiritual teachers should be perfect.Read more…

The Eater of Worlds

The Field and the Vista

The Field and the Vista


July 13, 2015 10:51 AM

I sat on a berm overlooking a lush, green ski tract with the Rocky Mountains forming a beautiful and natural panoramic backdrop. As I thought about something Jerry Freeman and I had just discussed a few moments earlier, a tall, purple flower tottered across the field of grass in front of me, then shrank and disappeared down a tiny hole—carried along, presumably, by some small and unseen rodent.

In my entire life, I had never seen anything like that. … Read more…

My Notes on the Adya Doc

The Bloom

The Bloom


July 10, 2015 2:36 PM

The last couple of days I’ve been camped in a sweet, clean and beautiful mountain clearing, but with no Signal, a bin full of dirty laundry, the desire for a coffee shop and the sounds of Mankind, I broke camp and headed into Durango.

With no internet, I spent some more time with the Adyashanti doc, taking some notes. I’ve included a modified copy of the doc wherein I highlighted sections I found interesting for one reason or another. Here are my notes if you’re curious. Kind of rough, but that’s the way I roll sometimes: … Read more…

A Lost Document

A "Lucky" Camp on the Piedra River

A “Lucky” Camp on the Piedra River


July 7, 2015 8:36 AM

I turned down a dirt road that paralleled the Piedra river, and though all the dispersed campsites were already taken, at the very last one—just before the road headed up and away from the water—a family pulled out at the exact moment that I was pulling up.

Though there was no Signal here (internet), I took the “coincidence” as a sign and made camp anyway. Was it a form of manifestation (I wanted a camp along the river) or did She have something in mind for me (a form of guidance)? I didn’t know… I never know. … Read more…

What My Mind Can’t Grasp

The Easily Overlooked

The Easily Overlooked


July 2, 2015 12:41 PM

With the long weekend coming up—and with Colorado-ians profound love of the outdoors in mind—I made a desperately needed supply run yesterday and hurried back to re-nail down my site. All morning, trucks and campers have been cruising by, jealously eye-balling my spot. I feel a little guilty… but not enough to move. … Read more…

The Times Are A-Changin’

The Sun Sets On A New Camp

The Sun Sets On A New Camp

CONGRESS, AZ—For the last few days I’ve been contemplating taking this, or another blog, in a new direction. Then this morning, reader Jud sent me this link from Scott Kiloby’s site about “premature awakening.”

At first I thought Jud was being critical of me (and maybe he/she was as it seems a lot of people have been beating up on me lately), but then upon reading the post, I agreed with practically all of it.

Adyashanti told me earlier in the year that I was at what he calls the Transcendent Self stage—what many people throughout history have called enlightenment. This stage still has a “self” (the Witness), but the personal self (the ego) has been transcended (seen through, experienced as “other”). He said “this is where all the good stuff happens,” meaning the magic and the direct experience of God.

Adyashanti says there is still another level beyond this which he calls No Self, and which I’ve had a few experiences with.

Still, some interesting points I took from Kiloby’s article (my wording):

  1. That not all chakras clear at the same time
  2. That when the head chakra clears, people often go right into “teacher mode”

I definitely went into #2 right away (as you can see with all my Horton stuff). Kiloby says he did too and said this is practically expected.

But #1 surprised me and—synchronistically meshing with my desire to shake things up a bit on the blog—got me thinking about my own “chakra” issues (I don’t come from a chakra background):

  • The self-concern chakra. I’m still too habituated with self-preservation and getting my way.
  • The taking criticism too seriously chakra. Damned if I know why, but I still haven’t “cleared” this chakra.

Both of these (and I’m sure there are others), instantly and unconsciously “contract” me out of the Vastness and that really bothers me. Sadly, I’ve yet to find anyone like me who blogs about their personal life (as opposed to just showing their stage persona), so I’m pretty much on my own (nothing new there) but I have a few ideas.

Anyway, no firm decisions yet on the blog or my direction, but it seems the times are a-changin’.

The Leaves On The Stream

My Private Oasis

My Private Oasis

SEDONA, AZ—I watch the leaves—yellow and gold and red and brown—drift along the stream in the desert outside Sedona. Occasionally, a curved leaf falls upon the water and it slides up-current, blown by the wind, dodging in and out of the other oncoming leaves—its shape acting like a sail.

It’s beautiful and it’s pure and it’s mindless.

Sitting next to the stream, in my camp chair, in a private oasis that I stumbled upon by some miracle, I pull open my laptop and type this.

This morning, in Flagstaff, I sold off some DVDs (I buy them used, burn them to a hard drive, then sell them back). With a $16 store credit in hand, I went to the cashier to apply it to another DVD collection when the cashier said, “Oh! You get your purchase for free.” She explained that two people per month get a free purchase, purely at random and this was the first she’d experienced, so I smiled and I thanked her and I handed my $16 credit to the next customer I saw and she was surprised and grateful and amazed at my foolishness and I walked out the door and felt alive and blessed and I left Flagstaff behind me and I travelled south to warmer climes.

When I awoke this morning, I thought about how poorly NonAbusers was received and it angered me because I truly thought this idea could change society and I realized that all the problems in this world are caused by egos and apathy and the problems of NA are just a reflection of exactly that—people too afraid to join or people who just don’t care.

Then I looked out from camp at the forest and the squirrels and the crows all foraging for food and I hear in my head my mother’s voice repeating what she told me the other day when she said, “Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

When I think about the world’s problems, about NA’s problems, I just get frustrated. Only one in a hundred spiritual seekers—what should be the most moral people on the planet—only 1% felt brave enough to say publicly, “I won’t abuse you.”

The mind, the ego, the fears. No wonder the world’s going to hell. Maybe Mankind’s just not ready for peace. Maybe they’re not ready for Her.

“Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

But then I looked back at the still forest and I stepped out of my mind, and I pulled away the self-contraction and my boundaries disappeared and I expanded and the forest and the squirrels and the crows all arose and lived inside of me…

And I felt bliss.

And in this bliss, the rest of the day, like the leaves on the stream, flowed beautifully.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

A Tiny Tree In A Large Forest

A Tiny Tree In A Large Forest

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—To wake up, you must transcend the ego. One in a million can do this by accident, but for the rest of us, we must weaken the ego first.

As I inferred over on this NonAbusers blog post today, weakening the ego makes us humbler, kinder and more understanding.

Wonderful traits.

But we’ll never gain them by thinking about them.

The ego is humbled by failure. The ego is weakened by mistakes.

Live in Mystical Oneness. Put yourself to the test. Fail at it time and time again.

Make your mistakes, be called out as a hypocrite, screw up and be embarrassed (feel the ego resisting?).

Every time you fail (“experience runs deep“), you will grow more humblecompassionatekind, and loving in the process.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

These are not the traits of the ego. These are the traits of the Divine in us all.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

To feel these—to live these—aren’t they worth a little embarrassment?

The smart have their books—the wise have their scars.

The Experience of Cosmic Consciousness

Two Distinct Personalities

Two Distinct Personalities

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—I didn’t want to post the previous article, The Rabbit Hole, simply because it was an example of thinking your spirituality rather than living it and I had just gotten off my rant against that very subject.


When Cosmic Consciousness wakes up within you, you end up with what is called a duplex personality. Having a duplex personality simply means that there are two personalities operating within you: An individual consciousness (the Wayne-thing), and Cosmic Consciousness (TaoGodHer).

This is NOT like a split personality where only one consciousness functions at a time, nor like possession where one consciousness suppresses the other. Nor is it even like channeling, where one personality is allowed to function through the individual’s body.

With a duplex personality, there are two consciousnesses acting at the same time and largely in harmony (with practice). There is the louder, individual consciousness, and the quieter, often silent Cosmic Consciousness (what I refer to as Her).

This is NOT intuition, nor is it some psychic ability. Cosmic Consciousness is a separate intelligence and will functioning within the body—though it is much softer and quieter than the individual personality.

I (the individual Wayne-thing) didn’t want to write the previous article, but She whispered that I should, so I did.

Just like an ocean wave (the individual consciousness) doesn’t know everything that is going on in the other parts of the ocean (TaoGodHer), I hardly ever know why She whispers what She does—but I have learned from experience to listen and to act on these whispers.

This takes a tremendous amount of faith, especially when your mind says to do “A” (and you have very rational reasons to do “A”) but She says to do “B” instead and is silent as to why.

In Michelle’s latest blog post, Doing, you see two excellent examples of this in action. In the first, Michelle—in harmony with TaoGodHer—finds herself effortlessly flowing to sign up for an energy course (this flowing is reminiscent of my casino experience). In the other, Michelle wants to join a political organization and her mind tells her to make the phone call—but TaoGodHer tells Michelle not to. Michelle didn’t make the call even though she doesn’t know why (and you can see her frustration at not being able to explain why not).

When Cosmic Consciousness (TaoGodHer, God, or whatever you want to call Her) wakes up inside you, your life becomes at once beautiful, magical and mysterious (once you get the hang of Her floating around in there). There’s a difficult path to get to this point (EternalRadiance, and Emptiness practices), but once She wakes up inside you, She makes it all worthwhile.