EUGENE, OR–As I’ve mentioned often, making personal decisions has become surprisingly difficult for me since awakening. I don’t have problems solving problems (software design, trouble-shooting, etc.), but, because there is no “me” left (as weird as that sounds), there seems to be no basis for making decisions about my life or direction–nothing to rest the decision on.

Recently though, I think I’ve found a solution: Listen for Her/Us/TheUniverse to “tell” me. I’m not talking about psychosis or schizophrenia, but listening to powerful intuition, emotional feedback, and synchronicity. More below the break  (huh?).

(more…)

LOLO NATIONAL FOREST NEAR ST. REGIS, MT–As I drove northwest from Missoula, I stopped by a river, read, ate, and took a bath in its cool, clear waters. With no pressing engagements, I decided to spend the night.

I love the freedom that the stealth camper provides. Without the need to research campgrounds, I can just drive off in any direction I feel like heading, stop when I’m tired, make camp pretty much wherever. The freedom is wonderful.

In the last post I mentioned that I was inquiring into this “pebble” of self, this “Wayne” thing. If you’re interested, I go into it more below the break (huh?).

(more…)

A STARBUCKS IN MISSOULA, MT–”Flowing” would be a good word for my direction lately. I’ve been in Missoula a couple days now, mostly working on the the consulting gig and poking at this little “pebble” of self that remains in the Oneness flow (more on that later).

I haven’t done much on the rig since I left. No direction has clarified whether to keep her or not, so I’m not putting a lot of effort into fixing her up. I’m not feeling any pressure to decide though, so I’m just coasting with it until it clarifies.

More and more I find this is the best way to make life decisions, just roll with the situation–not fight it or try to control it–until a direction clarifies. When the time is right, She’ll make Her intentions known.

BY A LAKE ABOUT 5 MILES NORTH OF BEACH, NORTH DAKOTA–”Jim and his Karma” left a comment on my last blog post stating basically that he felt I was just kidding myself about this enlightenment thing. (Actually, he left two comments, but I wrote this before receiving the second one). My response below the break (huh?).

(more…)

A CORNFIELD SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE BISMARCK, ND–After locking my keys in the truck while stopping for a break in the woods of the Chippewa forest, I took it as a sign that 1) She wanted me to stay the night here and 2) it was time to get my priorities straight.

An hour later I got the truck unlocked (with a small branch no less), and spent two nights right in that spot.

In the video The Secret they tell you that you can gain your wildest desires if you only focus on them. That’s true–if you aren’t ego based. Spirit (what I call Her) almost magically provides as long as there is little or none of “you” left. This is simply because there is less of “you” and more of Her operating through your body/mind.

Lately I have been concerned about problems with the truck (a natural concern with a used vehicle) and sure enough, I’ve been having problems with the truck. Nothing big, and frankly mostly my own fault, but enough to really make me see who’s really running things here.

So I spent the two days re-evaluating my priorities:

1. Really start listening to Her.
2. See and drop any resistance to Her.
3. Work on the consulting gig (for income).
4. Make the truck more livable.

ASHLAND, WI–So I’m driving and my mind is spinning around and around with stuff like, “Is this really the lifestyle I want? Look at the freedom! I feel like I’m doing something wrong when I make camp in someone’s parking lot. I can travel anywhere and stay anywhere!”

Round and round and round.

The doubts come up when I can’t get online to do some work or I’m taking a shower with a garden pump sprayer or I’m using a bucket and cat litter for a toilet. The joy and freedom is felt when I pull off the road overlooking Lake Superior, open the back doors and sit in my home and take in the view for a couple hours.

As my mind spun in circles and the doubts whirled, I asked myself, “Did I do the right thing?” and just as clear as day I heard Her voice, “You’ll know when you get out West.”

Until just that moment, I didn’t know where I was heading.

Take over Baby. I don’t need me anymore. Let me just get out of Your way.

DEERFIELD BEACH, FL–I’ve just finished a response to a Wisdom for Alms email. In it, I talked about personas, about putting on an outfit in order to play in the great Game of Life. I mentioned how a persona is not a lie or a false front, but a focusing of a set of qualities that reflect aspects our true nature.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been focusing on gentleness. As I mentioned in a previous post, gentleness seems to underlie the Selfless state.

Invariably, when I am not feeling gentle, I find that I am under the conditioning of the old “Wayne Wirs.” Conditioning which is the result of 48 years of cultural programming.

Conditioning can be re-programmed.

Conditioning is why I am living in gentleness. To reprogram my reactions. To still my old, unconscious ways.

Without a self, we stand stark naked in front of others. But that nakedness makes others uneasy.

Gentleness is like wearing a soft, comfortable bathrobe–and a smile.