The Lock and the Knot
WICKHAM CP, FL—I get three types of feedback on this blog: Comments, Questions, and Advice.
I love comments and questions. But advice, yuck.
The thing with advice is that it is almost always based on a mental ideal rather than on real-world experience—it’s almost always based on a fantasy. Further, advice has built-in judgements (“You should live the way I think you should, not the way you are”) which can really be quite tiresome.
I tend to deal with unsolicited advice with two questions:
- Are you living up to these ideals you’re advising me to follow?
- And why should I live up to your expectations?
Now if they can’t show me they are living up to their own expectations (the first question), I don’t even waste my time asking the second question.
Unfortunately, almost all advice-givers focus on #2 (the benefits), but don’t demonstrate #1 (because fantasies are very hard to live up to).
Sometimes though, there are those rare people who get past the two questions, not only do they show how their advice can benefit me, but how it is practical and do-able… that they walk the walk. Advice like that, I take to heart and am deeply grateful.
Ironically and unintentionally, this blog is a huge piece of advice on living in Mystical Oneness (note I didn’t say “enlightenment” (the Emptiness level)). This blog acts as both a demonstration of Mystical Oneness (#1), and the benefits of it (#2).
I try to live as transparently as possible, and even though this means I get judged and criticized on a regular basis, at least you can see I walk the walk so that you can decide if living this way may benefit you.
The opaque Jim-and-his-Karma inspired this post with his judging and advising, but I’m afraid I failed to live up to his ideals and expectations and he failed to live up to mine (#1 above). I’ve blocked his future comments simply because he wants to argue thoughts and ideals rather than actual lived experiences (#1). He wants to draw me into his fantasy yet refuses to demonstrate that his beliefs can actually be lived.
My point: If you see someone you admire and you want their advice, then ask them sincere questions—I do this all the time. But on the other hand, if for whatever reason you feel the need to give unsolicited advice, be sure you can show you are living true to your advice (making it real). Because if you’re not, you’re just asking people to participate in your fantasies.