The Eyes Of God—A Practice

A Subtle Self Portrait

A Subtle Self Portrait

NEAR AJO, AZ

December 24, 2015 10:29 AM

What was the inner experience like for Christ? Let’s forget the biblical stories and miracles and lessons for a moment, but instead (what you focus on, you become) focus on what it is to be so awake that the Divine and the Individual become practically indistinguishable from each other.

What follows is the highest form of spiritual practice that I am capable of. I wish everyone could see and experience life this way, so in humbleness, please consider this my Christmas gift to you. … Read more…

The Messiah

The Darkness and the Light

The Darkness and the Light

YUCCA VALLEY, CA

November 13, 2015 11:26 AM

His name was Home Free and He told me He was the Messiah and He thought I was a fool because I said that I saw everyone as Divine.

He said God speaks through Him and I exclaimed, “Me too!” with a huge smile, hoping He’d see me as a spiritual brother and He shouted, “No! You have so much to learn!” … Read more…

Clarifying “I, the Ego”

Yesterday's Communion Spot

Yesterday’s Communion Spot

MT. HOOD, OR

September 28, 2015 11:07 AM

Jerry left a great comment on the various definitions of “ego” this morning and I replied with my own definition. Since my reply is in the comments and could be easily overlooked, I’ve added it below. This is really a key component to any “school” of spirituality, so I’m grateful for the opportunity to highlight my definition of ego (and if you follow any teacher, it’s probably a good idea to get them to pin down what they mean by “ego”).  … Read more…

The Leaves On The Stream

My Private Oasis

My Private Oasis

SEDONA, AZ—I watch the leaves—yellow and gold and red and brown—drift along the stream in the desert outside Sedona. Occasionally, a curved leaf falls upon the water and it slides up-current, blown by the wind, dodging in and out of the other oncoming leaves—its shape acting like a sail.

It’s beautiful and it’s pure and it’s mindless.

Sitting next to the stream, in my camp chair, in a private oasis that I stumbled upon by some miracle, I pull open my laptop and type this.

This morning, in Flagstaff, I sold off some DVDs (I buy them used, burn them to a hard drive, then sell them back). With a $16 store credit in hand, I went to the cashier to apply it to another DVD collection when the cashier said, “Oh! You get your purchase for free.” She explained that two people per month get a free purchase, purely at random and this was the first she’d experienced, so I smiled and I thanked her and I handed my $16 credit to the next customer I saw and she was surprised and grateful and amazed at my foolishness and I walked out the door and felt alive and blessed and I left Flagstaff behind me and I travelled south to warmer climes.

When I awoke this morning, I thought about how poorly NonAbusers was received and it angered me because I truly thought this idea could change society and I realized that all the problems in this world are caused by egos and apathy and the problems of NA are just a reflection of exactly that—people too afraid to join or people who just don’t care.

Then I looked out from camp at the forest and the squirrels and the crows all foraging for food and I hear in my head my mother’s voice repeating what she told me the other day when she said, “Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

When I think about the world’s problems, about NA’s problems, I just get frustrated. Only one in a hundred spiritual seekers—what should be the most moral people on the planet—only 1% felt brave enough to say publicly, “I won’t abuse you.”

The mind, the ego, the fears. No wonder the world’s going to hell. Maybe Mankind’s just not ready for peace. Maybe they’re not ready for Her.

“Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

But then I looked back at the still forest and I stepped out of my mind, and I pulled away the self-contraction and my boundaries disappeared and I expanded and the forest and the squirrels and the crows all arose and lived inside of me…

And I felt bliss.

And in this bliss, the rest of the day, like the leaves on the stream, flowed beautifully.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

A Tiny Tree In A Large Forest

A Tiny Tree In A Large Forest

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—To wake up, you must transcend the ego. One in a million can do this by accident, but for the rest of us, we must weaken the ego first.

As I inferred over on this NonAbusers blog post today, weakening the ego makes us humbler, kinder and more understanding.

Wonderful traits.

But we’ll never gain them by thinking about them.

The ego is humbled by failure. The ego is weakened by mistakes.

Live in Mystical Oneness. Put yourself to the test. Fail at it time and time again.

Make your mistakes, be called out as a hypocrite, screw up and be embarrassed (feel the ego resisting?).

Every time you fail (“experience runs deep“), you will grow more humblecompassionatekind, and loving in the process.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

These are not the traits of the ego. These are the traits of the Divine in us all.

Humble. Compassionate. Kind. Loving.

To feel these—to live these—aren’t they worth a little embarrassment?

The smart have their books—the wise have their scars.

Eroding The Ego

Soft Needles

Soft Needles

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Though it is getting colder, I’m still in Flagstaff awaiting a couple of things: Some NonAbusers shirts and my vehicle registration. An odd feature of the nomadic life is that, while mail magically appears out of thin air for most, for nomads we have to go out of our way to receive it.

Everything has a cost, but as for everything of value, a little pain is worth it.

Here’s the thing: From what I can tell, a little pain is a requirement for any worthwhile growth, whether that growth is financial, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual.

I was exchanging emails the other day with a long-time reader (I’ll leave his name out as he doesn’t appear to mention it on his site) about how a personal blog—even an anonymous one—acts as an excellent tool for eroding the ego. Oddly enough, confessing your humanity publicly—confessing how you are pretty much like everyone else on the planet—is painful to the ego.

How odd is that? “I am a lot like everyone else and my ego hates it.”

Your ego wants you to be perfect, but, ironically, it won’t let you be perfect. Why? Because it is afraid of failing, so it does everything in its power to keep you from even trying.

As I recently found out, a lot of people are resistant to taking a simple vow to no longer intentionally harm others. This resistance boggled my mind, but as I discovered, this resistance is because their ego fears they will someday break the vow—that they will fail to be perfect.

This is the same reason why people talk about their spiritual beliefs, but don’t walk them: Their egos don’t want them to fail at living up to them.

If you want to weaken your ego, if you want to be closer to the Divine, if you want less of you and more of Her, … then you have to be willing to confront your ego head-on.

You have to be willing to fail.

For any serious growth to occur in your life, you ARE going to fail and it IS going to hurt.

But…

But you will also grow and thrive and reap all the benefits of living authentically. You will fail repeatedly, but you will also live true.

The smart man has books. The wise man has scars.

And I’ll take those scars any day of the week.