PALM BAY, FL–I’ve started to write. I’m not writing about what I thought I would. It doesn’t make sense to spend the time on this project when there seem to be more important things to write about, but ultimately, this is where She’s leading me.

What’s left of my ego barrier is telling me not to waste my time on it, not to focus on the mystical side of enlightenment, let alone on the benefits. The ego barrier is afraid I’ll get a reputation as a nut case.

I’m ignoring him (the ego barrier). He seems to be nothing but trouble these days.

From my perspective, “I” simply don’t matter any more. To my ego barrier, I’m the center of my world, but the barrier is just a pile of conditioning, something that I see (and sometimes lose myself in), but it’s no longer “me.”

The conflict I’m having with this project though–between conditioning and faith–is a perfect example of surrendering to Her: of relinquishing control, of ignoring the consequences, of releasing and riding with the Flow.

Ultimately this project is a low-risk one. If you want to play with surrender, I’d encourage you to try a similar low-risk endeavor–one where your mind says “Left” and your heart says “Right.” You may fail, you may end up with egg on your face… but, if you are ready, you may find yourself face-to-face with the Divine.

I believe I’ll be releasing this work online, a piece at a time. This isn’t the way a sane person would write–they’d do a rough draft, then revise it a few times, then release it–but then that doesn’t seem to be what She has in mind.

PALM BAY, FL–One of the popular approaches to enlightenment today is the path of inquiry. I have a serious problem with this, as most students of it, once they “figure it out,” believe themselves to be awake, when really all they are doing is fooling themselves.

If you don’t feel it, if you don’t feel the Beauty, the Wonder, the Passion, the Light, yes, even the Divine, in you, as you, and around you… then you simply aren’t there yet.

Below is an email from a man who recognizes that he is trapped in a nondual quagmire…

I so badly just want some peace. A loving sense of presence that reassures this body/mind that everything is alright just the way it is. That things are neither wrong nor right… bad or good, that they just are, and as that there is just perfection.

I have read “Sailor Bob”, “John Wheeler”, “Gilbert Schultz”, I had a phone conversation with “Charlie Hayes”, I have met “Byron Katie” at a seminar. My favorite book so far was Perfect Brilliant Stillness by David Carse. I understand there is no personal me… no separate entity. What I am is that presence, that awareness that is knowing all of this. There is only just the one and everything is a manifestation within that.

So why cannot I see through the illusion? Why cannot I see through the separate self? Can it ever happen, can I have any influence towards this?

I know, I know… I, I, I. There is no I to have any influence over anything. I am already that! Jeeze, I am exhausted and yet I cannot stop the seeking. I feel like I am being pulled towards this by a invisible Tractor Beam that won’t let me go, but also won’t let me see through the illusion.

Is there a different way I can approach this? Any ideas you might have would be greatly appreciated. I appreciate your “story”, and your pilgrimage to find answers.

My reply below the break.

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PALM BAY, FL–Enlightenment is like a mountain top. In your search for it, you have to climb and climb, dropping excess baggage as you attain higher altitudes. Once you reach the peak, you are “carrying” nothing. What isn’t talked about much though, is that in order to function in the “world of illusion” (the “normal” world), you have to come back down the mountain. For the last year, I have been tumbling and falling down it, getting scraped and bruised as I went. Poetic maybe, but it really makes a lot of sense. More below the break (huh?).

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Yesterday, I was talking about how, without the ego barrier separating “you” from Her, there is a profound, yet inscrutable “communication” between the two poles (of You-that-was-on-the-inside and Her-that-was-on-the-outside).

As I was finishing up yesterday’s blog, there was a knock on my door.

Long story short, the local Oregon Food Bank sent over a driver, and he brought along his mechanic friend to check out my truck for donation, simply because the donation sounded, in their words, “too good to be true.” In poking around at it, they got it to run (a bad battery cable connection). Because it was just an inspection, they didn’t have the donation paperwork, so they said they’d take care of it tomorrow.

Suddenly I had a working truck that didn’t cost anything to fix and would be perfect for getting me and my stuff back to Florida.

What would you have done? What I did is below the break (huh?).

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EUGENE, OR–As I’ve mentioned often, making personal decisions has become surprisingly difficult for me since awakening. I don’t have problems solving problems (software design, trouble-shooting, etc.), but, because there is no “me” left (as weird as that sounds), there seems to be no basis for making decisions about my life or direction–nothing to rest the decision on.

Recently though, I think I’ve found a solution: Listen for Her/Us/TheUniverse to “tell” me. I’m not talking about psychosis or schizophrenia, but listening to powerful intuition, emotional feedback, and synchronicity. More below the break  (huh?).

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