Missing Handle. Missing Bone Lump.
REDINGER LAKE, CA—In the interest of transparency. From my journal entry yesterday (minor edits to add appropriate links):
April 10, 2014 at 12:30 PM
Not sure I’m ready to document this on the website… Too many unknowns, too many unbelievable experiences in such a short time period:
Have been reading One Mind—basically about the evidence of TaoGodHer—and was thinking, “Of all these fantastic abilities that it talks about as evidence, which of these powers would I like to have?”
I know the argument against attachment to siddhis, but still, which one?
Healing. No question. Even though it would destroy my love of solitude, it would be the one that could both do the most hands-on good for others and be miraculous enough to convince others of Her existence.
About an hour after I had uploaded a blog post about the book One Mind, I shut the van door on my bath towel and it jammed the door. As I was pulling repeatedly on the handle, the handle broke off and I fell to the ground and sprained my back. One of those it’s-going-to-be-a-month-of-pain-type of back sprains.
An hour later, sitting in pain but oddly at peace, looking out over the lake and forest and thinking of TaoGodHer/One Mind as the life force inside all those trees—seeing the life force rising up inside the trees—I suddenly looked inside this body and found the same thing. No Self, just TaoGodHer and a thin shell-like structure (my body) containing/separating it from the rest of Her.
No self at all. As I write this the next day, 24 hours later, I still can’t find the transcendent self that has been “me” for the last four and a half years.
Anyway, I figured this was a good time to practice the healing. I lay down in bed and an odd and surprising thought came to me. The pain in my back reminded me of Dad’s back pain, so rather than trying to cure my own, I lay there visualizing taking in his pain into my own—into this living emptiness that I find inside this shell/body. I did the same with Mom’s partially blocked artery, taking it into myself. Not trying to heal myself (there isn’t any “myself”) just taking in their pain and disease.
Today, a few big surprises. Though my back is a tiny bit stiff, there is practically no pain. Furthermore, that odd 3/4 inch bone-like lump that was on my right wrist only yesterday, the one that looked like an extra wrist bone, is gone. It is just not there anymore. That in itself is a miracle as I always suspected it to be bone cancer. Additionally, the pain in my ankle from when I twisted/cracked it down in Mexico two months ago is practically gone.
As I said, I’m not ready to go public with these things yet. I want to see if both the no-self and the healing are of more a permanent nature.
Update (me blogging now)…
- This feeling/experience of no-self is different from Radiance in that the Shell/Portal of Radiance feels like “you.” In this case there is no “me”—the shell thing just feels like a hollow “crust” of this body. See this and this for more on my earlier thoughts on the transcendent-self and no-self.
- Currently, the no-self and transcendent-self flip in and out, so—as of now—the no-self isn’t a permanent state.
- I don’t know if the healing practice had any effect on my parents. There is no phone coverage here and for whatever reason, I didn’t email Mom about it. Figured she’d tell me if they noticed anything when she reads this.
- No noticeable pain in my back or ankle anymore (48 hours later).
- That mysterious wrist bone lump is gone. I wish I had a before photo. I had pointed it out to my mother when I was last down in Florida (it was smaller then), so hopefully she remembers it.
A few things that seem important:
- I was in the no-self state during the healing experiment.
- I wasn’t trying to heal myself but others.
- The thought of bringing their pain/disease/illness into my own body (not healing it but pulling it out of their bodies and into mine) surprised me.
- I didn’t/don’t care if pulling in their pain/disease/illness affected me. The feeling was there was no “me” for the pain/disease/illness to attach itself to.
Status Update April 12, 2014 8:55 AM:
For an update on my parents’ conditions, see this comment.