I am writing this before I turn on my Internet, before I get inundated with the daily emails, before I lose the feel for what has happened. I’m going to do the absolute minimal of editing to get it out there. I don’t want it to lose the power behind it.

For the last three months, I have been experimenting with the Law of Attraction/the Secret/the Power of the Mind/Wish Fulfillment/….

I feel if it works for anyone, it should work for me—one who has so little to get in the way of the Universe (though I hate that term). I’ll go into more details in future posts, but this entry seems to be the conclusion to those experiments.

My mother has (had?) the same rare form of cancer as Steve Jobs had, a cancer so rare that there is no agreed upon course of treatment. After her surgery, after it had shifted and metastasized to her liver, she was prescribed a two-pill form of chemotherapy. One for brain cancer, one for colon cancer. She has neither, but there you go.

On Monday, my mother had a barium CAT scan done to see how the treatment was working.

On Tuesday, they did another CAT scan (non-barium this time) because “something was wrong” with the first CAT scan.

On Wednesday—yesterday—her doctor told my mother that the CAT scans revealed no sign of cancer, that the tumors—which were obvious on a CAT scan taken four months ago—were no longer visible. They took two scans because they were so surprised. They put her on three more months of the therapy (just because it isn’t visible doesn’t mean it isn’t still there), but all in all, it seems like a miracle and by the doctor’s surprise, it seems he’d agree.

This morning—12 hours after I heard the above news—I awoke to the sound of an owl. Sitting alone on a branch outside my camper, he hooted. I went outside and looked up at him, feeling that this was some sort of sign, some mysterious message, some arcane confirmation of the mysteries that lie behind all Form, some further confirmation that She exists, and is involved and cares.

A few minutes later, another owl flew over and sat on the branch next to him. A few minutes later, a third.

Never in my entire life have I seen even a single great horned owl.

Today I saw three.

I don’t know how else to explain this. I know I’ve said it on this blog a million times before, but at times like these, it really hits home. That these bizarre but wonderful events are just further proof that: the less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

Sometimes it sucks to be Awake.

My niece’s wedding was last Saturday, so I spent the night at my brother’s down in Coral Springs (Florida). The next morning, after breakfast, I felt a sudden and overwhelming urge to head back “home” to Palm Bay.

More below the break.

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What does Oneness feel like?

Take your finger and touch the table in front of you.

Close your eyes.

Notice how the part of the table where your finger is touching feels like it is a part of you?

Imagine if all your senses felt that way… whatever they “touched” felt like it was a part of you.

In Oneness, everything in your consciousness—what you see, feel, hear, taste, and touch—feels like “you.”

Everything your eyes fall upon, feels like you.

It’s not a theory. It’s not something to be figured out. It’s not something at all.

It’s… just this.

At the Radiant level, you feel very thin, very tiny, very insignificant; and She—as everything else—feels vast and endless and boundless.

At the Oneness level, you and She merge.

Not you AND Her… only You.

Everything feels like You.

Everything is You.

You have known this all your life.

You just couldn’t feel it because “you” have been so… noisy.

Close your eyes and touch the table.

When I woke up, I lost the sense of self.

When I lost my self, I lost my self-centered desires.

I lost my self importance.

All that is important to me is to help others.

It’s not a heroic or selfless thing.

It’s simply what is left when the self falls away.

Day-to-day, I flow in Her currents.

I do what She wants me to do—go where She wants me to go

It’s easy if you know how.

Surrender your will.

Forget about winning or losing.

Swim with Her, not against.

Act when She impels you to act.

Do what She asks you to do.

Forget your self—you’re not important. You aren’t even real.

Surrender your self and you’ll be free.

Surrender your self and you’ll find that all that is left…

Is Her.

Her as You.

PALM BAY, FL—Yesterday, while writing code in a bookstore, a frail old man came up and asked about my laptop—a tiny MacBook Air. I could instantly see he was conflicted—he had a lot of questions to ask about the computer but he didn’t want to interrupt what I was working on.

What struck me though (and I am constantly struck by the simplest things these days) is that the Wayne of Old would have been annoyed (as any programmer will tell you) at having to “come out of the code” because of the interruption. But the funny thing is, I wasn’t bothered in the least, in fact, I found the “shift” from code to personal interaction to be almost mystical.

More below the break.

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OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—Drifting westward, I’ve stopped in Oklahoma City to get some work done.

More and more I’m questioning how it is that others who claim enlightenment aren’t more mystical. When their personal self fell away, what do they claim motivates them from day to day? When they look for their source, how can they NOT find Divinity?

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Asheville makes sense. Its spiritual people would probably be receptive to my message of Mystical Oneness. There is beauty in its parks and nature and mountains. It has mild weather. It’s the closest thing to the Northwest that I’ve found in the East. It is relatively close to my family in Florida.

Asheville makes sense.

I drove through it, turned around and headed back out. It’s simply not where She wants me to be. (More below the break (huh?))

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PALM BAY, FL—A few days ago, as I was driving my mother to a doctor’s appointment, I commented on the profound stillness residing within an indigent-looking man, a man who was crossing the street in front of us. My mother asked what it is that I see within people, if I see auras or something.

This morning, I received an email from a reader, kim, asking for pointers on visualizing the Light during my guided meditations.

I interpreted these two incidents as Her way of telling me it’s time to explain how I “see the Light.”

More below the break (huh?).

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PALM BAY, FL—I don’t want this blog to become just an “informational/teaching” blog like most nondualist blogs, so here’s what’s been going on with my life…

More below the break (huh?).

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PALM BAY, FL—It is often said that sages (the enlightened) act spontaneously as events arise. Here’s the why of it—and how it feels to live this way… More below the break (huh?).

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PALM BAY, FL–Recently one of the things that has really surprised me is how much time, energy and stress I used to put into protecting and “improving” myself and my life. A “self” and “life” that were ultimately just figments of my imagination.

You see, before I woke up, almost all my time was spent on making my life better: Smarter, wealthier, wiser, more comfortable, happier, etc. It was spent on winning.

Almost all my energy was spent on trying not to lose.

When the personal self falls way and the ego barrier crumbles, the inside (the former you) merges with the outside (Her/the Universe) and you profoundly realize that You-As-Nothing and She-As-Everything are the exact same thing. You find that you have nothing to lose because 1) as Nothing, you never had anything, and 2) as Everything you have nothing that is lacking.

But what is not readily apparent is that the energy formerly spent on defenses and betterment, gradually transforms into a deep-felt sense of joy and happiness and–most powerfully of all–appreciation.

Experiment! Play!

So even if you haven’t “woken up” yet, why not experiment with it? Why not play with this awhile–for an hour, a day, a week–and see if you really have anything to lose?

Stop defending. Stop trying to improve. Forget about the best deal, the best you can be. Just kick-back and say, “You know, this is just fine with me.”

A life lived in this manner feels open and alive and amazing. It feels like harmony. Play with it, try it out, see for yourself if it isn’t worth the loss–the loss of the ego barrier running you ragged.

PALM BAY, FL–Enlightenment is like a mountain top. In your search for it, you have to climb and climb, dropping excess baggage as you attain higher altitudes. Once you reach the peak, you are “carrying” nothing. What isn’t talked about much though, is that in order to function in the “world of illusion” (the “normal” world), you have to come back down the mountain. For the last year, I have been tumbling and falling down it, getting scraped and bruised as I went. Poetic maybe, but it really makes a lot of sense. More below the break (huh?).

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NEWPORT NEWS, VA–My energies have been really scattered lately. Selling the RV, figuring out what to keep and what to let go of, searching for a stealthy replacement “RV,” working on the consulting project….

Yesterday I spent 12 hours on the road looking at used shuttle buses. When my mind came up with the idea, “A shuttle bus! That would make a great stealth vehicle!” it was all excited. As soon as I looked at my first one, my stomach sank. It just didn’t feel right for some reason. Maybe it’s the concept. Maybe it’s just timing. Maybe it’s fear smacking me in the face. I don’t know, but I walked away from each of them. I haven’t always been this way, but I trust my gut now more than my head.

Anyway, my mind lately has been racing and questioning and fretting. It’s like a beehive in there, all this buzzing as the mind tries to solve all of these “problems.”

But, unlike last year, I now reside behind all the activity. Last year at this time, I was the buzzing. Now the buzzing is just noise and tension that happens inside of me.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m anything special though, it’s just that I’ve come to realize (and feel) this truth. This “everything-happens-inside-of-you” aspect, is happening within you also. All it takes is just a slight shift in your identity (what you think you are). You are not the noise buzzing in the empty room, you are the empty room.

WAYNESBORO, VA–I talk a lot about “Her,” this one, all inclusive Life Force that suffuses everything. Ironically, I don’t consider myself religious in the least. This “She” (to me) IS NOT an unseeable, unknowable, entity, something you have to have faith in. Nor is She this lifeless point in space in a “vast sea of pure awareness” that the dry and dusty nondual teachers parrot each other about… (More below the break).

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Warrior’s Path S.P., Kingsport, TN–I received an email the other day from a reader who had recently had a satori experience and was asking for advice on what she should do now.

Since satori experiences are indicators that the Personal Self is weakening, I offered the following “empty room” practice.

More below the break…

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Warrior’s Path S.P., Kingsport, TN–From the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 42, last paragraph:

What others teach, I also teach; that is:
“A violent man will die a violent death!”
This will be the essence of my teaching.

My thoughts on this below the break…

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CHEWACLA STATE PARK, AUBURN, AL –If you look closely at any living thing–a tree, a bird, a pet, even at yourself–you will notice that at its core, at its very center, is a deep peace. When all activity is dropped, at our center–at the center of all living things–is the true nature of Life itself: a deep sense of peace and serenity.

Enlightenment is simply recognizing that this peace within is not something to be gained, not something found inside of you, but is who you really are. You aren’t a person who has peace somewhere within them, you are the peace within–covered by a person.

Peace within is your nature. It is the nature of Life itself.

You could say that this Peace Within is the Life Force, Pure Awareness, Tao. You could even call it God. This Peace Within--shared by all living things–is who you really are.

CHEWACLA STATE PARK, AUBURN, AL –One day I hope to write a follow up to Fading Toward Enlightenment and I plan to use this blog as reference for my notes. In line with that, here’s a little bit of what it’s like–so far–to be me.

For months after waking up, there was the feeling of three distinct states of enlightened consciousness: the Passion, the Stillness, and the Oneness. Though I would often “fall out” of these states into “Wayne Wirs” thinking, I would always–naturally–return to one of them.

Gradually–particularly over the last few months–those three states have kind of softened into a Oneness and a Wayneness.

More below the break…

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WHITE OAK CREEK CAMPGROUND (COE), EUFAULA, AL–On the birthdays of my past, I would always call in sick to work, never answer the phone, and take the day to think about my life. All years prior, I would contemplate where I had been, where I was heading, and strategize a way to get there.

Today, as the rains poured down outside, flooded my camp and rolled off into the lake, I felt my thoughts flowing in much the same way as the water flowed. Not trying to control. Not trying to solve. Not trying to fix. Just watching where my thoughts were drawn. Listening to Her whispering in my ear.

It is so freeing to let go. To allow Life to guide you rather than trying to control it. To allow Her to carry you where She wishes.

Our minds fight this lack of control–but oddly enough–when you do let go, when you surrender completely to Her, She’ll take you right to where you are meant to be–right to where you belong.

COE EAST BANK CAMPGROUND, CHATTAHOOCHEE, FL–When the personal self drops–and after things settle down–one of the things you’ll notice is that thoughts and emotions take on an impersonal feel. They feel almost like the way sounds “feel.” You hear your thoughts, you hear your emotions, but they seem separate from, yet inside of you. In much the same way that the cawing of a crow “feels”: separate from you, but at the same time, inside of you. You realize that you don’t make your thoughts or control your emotions. You realize that they just happen.

In putting the new ECU (engine control unit) back into my RV this morning, I knew it would be a frustrating experience because taking the damn thing out–which I did two days ago–was extremely frustrating. It’s like the engineers wanted to make it difficult to get out.

But this morning, I used the frustration as a form of “distancing” practice. Because I knew that my body and mind were going to get frustrated, I could watch it happen, and, before it got out of hand, could step back from it.

I broke the project down into small tasks: Work the ECU into its slot; Attach the mounting bracket; Put the mounting nuts on without dropping them into engine oblivion; Connect the wiring harness; … Each task, because of the very limited room caused the mind and body to grow tense and frustrated. Minds and bodies have strong desires, and when those desires aren’t met, they get really pissed off. It has nothing to do with how aware you are.

But by breaking down the big project into little tasks, the frustration level couldn’t “get rolling.” After each task, I’d feel and observe the frustration, I’d step back, walk around the campsite, and do my “videographer” mindfulness thing. Then I’d step back over to the rig and visualize the next step.

Within no time, I had the job done.

I got behind the wheel, crossed my fingers and started her up.

She’s never sounded so good.

“Merry Earth Day and God bless us, everyone.” – Tiny Tim

STEPHEN FOSTER…STATE PARK, WHITE SPRINGS, FL–It’s funny how much the mind wants to control things. Why is control, why is knowing, why is being right so important to the mind?

Life is so much easier when you let go. When you stop trying to bend Her to fit into your plans.

As you let go and relax into Her–as you stop fighting what She’s trying to show you–it’s amazing how helpful She becomes.

It’s amazing how beautiful She is–how beautiful She’s always been.

Every photo I take, I take of Her.

LAKE LOUISA STATE PARK, CLERMONT, FL–As I walked through the woods, I came across a long forgotten orange grove. I plucked an orange from a tree and, sitting in the shade of an old spanish oak which grew near the bank of a quiet lake–I ate it.

The sweet juice, the solitude, the soft clouds, the oneness with Nature, all reminded me of one of my favorite Moody Blues songs, The Balance. Whenever I would hear that song, I’d think, and dream, and yearn, “That’s how I’d like to live.”

After he had journeyed,
And his feet were sore,
And he was tired,
He came upon an orange grove
And he rested
And he lay in the cool,
And while he rested, he took to himself an orange and tasted it,
And it was good.
And he felt the earth to his spine,
And he asked, and he saw the tree above him, and the stars,
And the veins in the leaf,
And the light, and the balance.
And he saw magnificent perfection,
Whereon he thought of himself in balance,
And he knew he was.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it’s always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it’s always been.
Just open your heart
And that’s a start.

And he thought of those he angered,
For he was not a violent man,
And he thought of those he hurt
For he was not a cruel man
And he thought of those he frightened
For he was not an evil man,
And he understood.
He understood himself.

Upon this he saw that when he was of anger or knew hurt or felt fear,
It was because he was not understanding,
And he learned, compassion.

And with his eye of compassion.
He saw his enemies like unto himself,
And he learned love.
Then, he was answered.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it’s always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it’s always been.
Just open your heart
And that’s a start.

LAKE LOUISA STATE PARK, CLERMONT, FL–From Wisdom For Alms :

Dear Wayne! First I want to thank you for creating this opportunity. I have followed your blog since you showed up on the AYP forum. Before I write my question I would like to ask you not to publish my e-mail (address) on your site if you publish the question. So…my question is about relationships. I have some doubts that the relationship I am in will work over time. How can I investigate this deeper so that my decision is not made in my head, my ego? The risk is, as I see it, that I only bring my issues with me in to the next relationship…..at the same time I feel it is not healthy to stay in a relationship that is not working. So….how can I know in my heart what the right decision will be? Do you have any input for me on this? Best regards M_

My answer below the break…

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DEERFIELD BEACH, FL–The other day, Sula took me to a wildlife viewing area.

She wanted to play with her new camera.

She said she enjoys hanging with me.

She said she likes the way I feel such a profound love for everything.

I’m so very different from the way I was.

I’m so much less than the man I knew.

So much less, and yet–at the same time–I feel almost infinitely vast.

DEERFIELD BEACH, FL–If you just stop and look–you’ll find beauty everywhere.

Just stop–and look.