Hopelessness

A New Day After A Dark Night

A New Day After A Dark Night

NEAR COTTONWOOD, AZ

March 26, 2016 7:05 AM

Last night, a smaller, gentler Dark Night of the Soul—my second in about seven years. Gentler, but more profound than the first.

I don’t want to get caught up in documenting and explaining it yet. I’ve recorded the experience in my phone. I’ll transcribe it later. I want to digest it first.

March 26, 2016 10:01 AM

TRANSCRIPT FROM VOICE RECORDER: … Read more…

The Awakening of the Mystic

Thai Food Buddha

Thai Food Buddha

NEAR CAMP VERDE, AZ

March 9, 2016 2:02 PM

From my (limited) research, most spiritual book publishers aren’t interested in autobiographies (ie: “How I Awoke To Enlightenment”), but are more interested in the theory of enlightenment.

In the book I’m working on—though I don’t know how this will be received by the publishers—I’m providing both theory and real-world, autobiographical experiences. My intention is to demonstrate that I’m not just making this stuff up. That these Aspects are distinct phases I went though, and that each provides unique lessons from which anyone can learn a great deal.

With the exception of the Human tier, most of the Aspects are broken down into the following chapters: The Feel OfThe Properties OfThe Awakening OfLiving AsLessons Of; and Advice. While most of these chapters are theory, each Awakening Of and Living As chapter is mostly biography (how I awoke to the Aspect, and what it is like to live as this Aspect).

Here’s an example (standard first draft disclaimer (and still some clunky sections)): … Read more…

A Witness Practice: Your Creature

My Creature

My Creature

PRESCOTT, AZ

February 26, 2016 9:16 AM

As a Soul, you treat your body like a car—a vehicle to drive around in. As the Witness, it’s best to think of your body as a separate creature—one that has a mind and a will of its own. … Read more…

The Eyes Of God—A Practice

A Subtle Self Portrait

A Subtle Self Portrait

NEAR AJO, AZ

December 24, 2015 10:29 AM

What was the inner experience like for Christ? Let’s forget the biblical stories and miracles and lessons for a moment, but instead (what you focus on, you become) focus on what it is to be so awake that the Divine and the Individual become practically indistinguishable from each other.

What follows is the highest form of spiritual practice that I am capable of. I wish everyone could see and experience life this way, so in humbleness, please consider this my Christmas gift to you. … Read more…

In Love

The Intimacy of the Tree and the Sky

The Intimacy of the Tree and the Sky

RIDGECREST, CA

November 6, 2015 2:04 PM

I was telling Jerry the other day that I feel like a teenager in love. This may seem odd to you because I’m not in love with anyone.

This “undulation in the Ocean” experience—this being TaoGodHer breathing—is so deeply intimate and sensual. It’s not just Love as Light, it’s Love as liquid Light. It’s Love with a tactile feel to it. It feels the way first love feels like to a teenager—overwhelming and wonderful and consuming. … Read more…

TaoGod(I) And “Painful” Emotions

View From Camp

View From Camp

TRONA PINNACLES, CA

November 5, 2015 7:50 AM

Dear Diary,

Over the last week or so, I uploaded a series of posts that showed a progression of squares growing from 1 asterisk, to 9, then to 25, then to (represent) Infinity, then back from 25, to 9, to 1 and finally to (representing) Nothing. Each asterisk was a link pointing toward my post about a practice to help readers access the feeling of TaoGod(I).

My reasons were multifaceted: … Read more…

Waiting Quietly While The Mud Settles

A Camp Guided

A Camp Guided

THIRTY-NINE MILE MOUNTAIN, CO

August 6, 2015 9:12 AM

While still in “mud settling” mode—while I await the rebooting of my O/S—I broke camp “on a whim” and left the forest outside Buena Vista to headed eastward on US 24 with the thought of Colorado Springs as a “sometime this week/month/summer” destination. Driving through the crossroad town of Hartsel, CO, I glimpsed a road sign for Cañon City and suddenly felt a “tug.” I pulled over, looked at the map and said, “OK” and detoured southeast. Crossing a stub of national forest, I was “drawn” to another road sign, Black Mountain Road, and ended up at a beautiful, high elevation camp on the edge of a vast golden meadow overlooking a reservoir off in the distance.

Increasingly, my life is lived “spontaneously guided.” Aside from the scheduled phone or Skype call, I tend to just hang around until called to act in response to one of Her whispers. Not an actual voice whisper per se, but a prod, or a sign, or—as is most often the case—a gut feeling: Go. Turn here. Wait.Read more…

The Experience of Cosmic Consciousness

Two Distinct Personalities

Two Distinct Personalities

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—I didn’t want to post the previous article, The Rabbit Hole, simply because it was an example of thinking your spirituality rather than living it and I had just gotten off my rant against that very subject.

But…

When Cosmic Consciousness wakes up within you, you end up with what is called a duplex personality. Having a duplex personality simply means that there are two personalities operating within you: An individual consciousness (the Wayne-thing), and Cosmic Consciousness (TaoGodHer).

This is NOT like a split personality where only one consciousness functions at a time, nor like possession where one consciousness suppresses the other. Nor is it even like channeling, where one personality is allowed to function through the individual’s body.

With a duplex personality, there are two consciousnesses acting at the same time and largely in harmony (with practice). There is the louder, individual consciousness, and the quieter, often silent Cosmic Consciousness (what I refer to as Her).

This is NOT intuition, nor is it some psychic ability. Cosmic Consciousness is a separate intelligence and will functioning within the body—though it is much softer and quieter than the individual personality.

I (the individual Wayne-thing) didn’t want to write the previous article, but She whispered that I should, so I did.

Just like an ocean wave (the individual consciousness) doesn’t know everything that is going on in the other parts of the ocean (TaoGodHer), I hardly ever know why She whispers what She does—but I have learned from experience to listen and to act on these whispers.

This takes a tremendous amount of faith, especially when your mind says to do “A” (and you have very rational reasons to do “A”) but She says to do “B” instead and is silent as to why.

In Michelle’s latest blog post, Doing, you see two excellent examples of this in action. In the first, Michelle—in harmony with TaoGodHer—finds herself effortlessly flowing to sign up for an energy course (this flowing is reminiscent of my casino experience). In the other, Michelle wants to join a political organization and her mind tells her to make the phone call—but TaoGodHer tells Michelle not to. Michelle didn’t make the call even though she doesn’t know why (and you can see her frustration at not being able to explain why not).

When Cosmic Consciousness (TaoGodHer, God, or whatever you want to call Her) wakes up inside you, your life becomes at once beautiful, magical and mysterious (once you get the hang of Her floating around in there). There’s a difficult path to get to this point (EternalRadiance, and Emptiness practices), but once She wakes up inside you, She makes it all worthwhile.

See What He Sees

Portrait of a Pine Cone

Portrait of a Pine Cone

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—When I got serious about taking photos, I did what a lot of serious photography students do: I found a photographer whose work I loved and blatantly tried to copy his style.

My hero was Harry Callahan (no, not that Harry Callahan).

But here’s the thing about photography—about any art form for that matter (I include spirituality here): Once you get the theory down—once you’ve learned the techniques—you need to learn how to see.

For a photographer, you need to learn how to see color and shape and texture and negative space. For a musician, you need to learn how to see tone and rhythm and pauses and flow. For the spiritual, you need to learn how to see Love and Light and Emptiness and the Divine.

When I started trying to copy Callahan, I wasn’t trying to copy his technique—I was already well versed in photography theory at that point—no, what I was trying to do was to learn to see how Callahan sees. I wanted to see what Callahan saw before he took those photos.

There’s a saying in Zen that goes something like this, “Don’t try to be like the sages of old, try to see what they saw.”

Once you get your spiritual technique down, try to see through all the mental boundaries. Try to see the music behind it all—the tempo and rhythm and pauses. Try to see the Archetype of Everything.

Once you get the theory down, pull away all self-contraction and open your eyes to the Love and the Light and the Emptiness and the Divine.

And in no time at all, you’ll become one with your art.

The Dual Lives of Modern Enlightened Teachers

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

LA BARGE, WY—Years ago, I wrote a post, Why Don’t Enlightenment Teachers Blog?. In it, I (not so subtly) implied that the blissed-out state that most teachers present on stage is not abiding—they don’t take it into their day-to-day lives continuously.

The other day, I came across some evidence from 2008 (thanks Lori) that supports this—that the image that enlightenment teachers present on stage is different than their day-to-day life.

Of particular importance is Adyashanti’s phrase (emphasis mine), “…the underlying virus is still very active and gets activated by the energy that flows through me when I teach.”

In other words, while teaching, an extra energy (what I often call Her) flows through him, yet while not teaching, this energy flow is not consistent (though, as in my case, probably happens quite often).

This simple phrase, “the energy that flows through me when I teach,” and its implications, supports a few things I have been saying (and have often been criticized for) for years:

  • The stage presence of teachers is different than their day-to-day presence. On Stage: more TaoGodHer. Day-to-day life: less TaoGodHer.
  • That there is an “other” (intelligence/energy) operating within those who have dropped the personal self. Ie: the duplex personality—the less there is of you, the more there is of Her.
  • The experience of enlightenment/Oneness is a flowing experience. One’s “center” shifts between more contracted and less contracted states of identity (Mortal/Eternal/Radiance/Emptiness).

I see this as very good news. It makes enlightenment/Mystical Oneness far more practical, and more importantly, far easier for the mind to accept, for those who wish to seek it.

I only wish I had heard about it sooner.