The Leaves On The Stream

My Private Oasis

My Private Oasis

SEDONA, AZ—I watch the leaves—yellow and gold and red and brown—drift along the stream in the desert outside Sedona. Occasionally, a curved leaf falls upon the water and it slides up-current, blown by the wind, dodging in and out of the other oncoming leaves—its shape acting like a sail.

It’s beautiful and it’s pure and it’s mindless.

Sitting next to the stream, in my camp chair, in a private oasis that I stumbled upon by some miracle, I pull open my laptop and type this.

This morning, in Flagstaff, I sold off some DVDs (I buy them used, burn them to a hard drive, then sell them back). With a $16 store credit in hand, I went to the cashier to apply it to another DVD collection when the cashier said, “Oh! You get your purchase for free.” She explained that two people per month get a free purchase, purely at random and this was the first she’d experienced, so I smiled and I thanked her and I handed my $16 credit to the next customer I saw and she was surprised and grateful and amazed at my foolishness and I walked out the door and felt alive and blessed and I left Flagstaff behind me and I travelled south to warmer climes.

When I awoke this morning, I thought about how poorly NonAbusers was received and it angered me because I truly thought this idea could change society and I realized that all the problems in this world are caused by egos and apathy and the problems of NA are just a reflection of exactly that—people too afraid to join or people who just don’t care.

Then I looked out from camp at the forest and the squirrels and the crows all foraging for food and I hear in my head my mother’s voice repeating what she told me the other day when she said, “Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

When I think about the world’s problems, about NA’s problems, I just get frustrated. Only one in a hundred spiritual seekers—what should be the most moral people on the planet—only 1% felt brave enough to say publicly, “I won’t abuse you.”

The mind, the ego, the fears. No wonder the world’s going to hell. Maybe Mankind’s just not ready for peace. Maybe they’re not ready for Her.

“Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

But then I looked back at the still forest and I stepped out of my mind, and I pulled away the self-contraction and my boundaries disappeared and I expanded and the forest and the squirrels and the crows all arose and lived inside of me…

And I felt bliss.

And in this bliss, the rest of the day, like the leaves on the stream, flowed beautifully.

A New Day

This Morning's Light

This Morning’s Light

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—It is a new day and, like the end of any unhealthy relationship, I’m filled with that odd mixture of both melancholy and relief.

As I posted on the NonAbusers blog, sometimes we have to hurt others in the short term, for everyone to benefit in the long term.

If a relationship is unhealthy, then we must either heal it or leave it; for the alternative is dark and negative and filled with spite.

For the spiritual seekers remaining on this blog, what I hope is that we now share some common ground on what it means to be a Mystic:

  • Talking It: The discussion of Mystical Oneness.
  • Walking It: Living Mystical Oneness.
  • Showing It: Our willingness for transparency.

I had originally thought that the only practical (and surprisingly convenient) way to demonstrate both Walking It and Showing It was to take the Vow of NonAbuse, but further reflection says there’s probably at least one other: When you post comments, include a link to your personal blog. Not just a teaching blog, but one that demonstrates you walk the talk. (For NonAbusers, feel free to post a link to your NA profile.)

Anyway, it’s a new day and it’s time to move forward.

Please Unsubscribe

FLAGSTAFF, AZIMPORTANT NOTE: This message is intended for the spiritual seekers on this blog. For all others, please see my previous post.

When I talked about firing my customers, I had every intention of pulling a Krishnamurti and ending this blog. I was going to start another site for only those who I felt were truly serious about Mystical Oneness. I even went so far as to reserve the domain, WayneWirs.org, and set up the WordPress (blogging) software on it.

But I realized a new blog (and the restrictions I would put on it) would not address all the “non-spiritual” followers of this blog, so I changed my mind.

As I’ve said recently, I set up NonAbusers.org for the masses with the idea that if enough people participated, it could literally change the world. I still see no flaw in this logic.

assumed (will I ever learn?) that you, my loyal followers (in readership terms), would flock to NA and together we would “seed” it.

You can imagine my disappointment when confronted with the resistance, hell, you can read about it, because this blog is my personal journal—my online home.

Being unemployed and living once again on the Gas Gauge of Life, I can actually calculate my projected lifespan—not in years, but in months (around 20-23). Don’t get me wrong, I love living this way. It adds such a flavor to life that only those who have physically confronted their own demise can truly understand it. It’s beautiful.

A large part of the “flavor” comes from an appreciation for your time. With so little time left, you don’t want to waste it. You want to focus on what is important.

So, as luck would have it—and completely beyond any conscious intention on my part—She provide me with a unique “tool” for separating the wheat from the chaff in terms of who I should spend my time spiritually dialoging with. The tool turned out to be NonAbusers.org—something I wrote for an entirely different purpose (and still stands on its own).

Ironically, it was your completely unexpected reaction to the site that provided this insight (and all this drama).

As I tried to explain before, my past has taught me that no matter how valid or pure the reason for not doing something, it still results in nothing getting done. Lots of great theories, lots of great stuff happening inside all those brains, but ultimately, it is just mental fluff. If it is not brought out into the physical world, it is not real.

Years ago, my mother asked me what good is all this seeking stuff doing others? How is this real?

My (mental) response was, “Well, there’s a lot of stuff going on up here, Mom,” mentally pointing to my head.

Practically every (other) nondual teacher helps their students do more stuff “up there.” They are focused on your Emptiness, the stuff up inside your head. This is just the mental quality which is only one of three qualities of Mystical Oneness.

What’s the point if we, as individuals, don’t make it real out here? Mystical Oneness is AND’s, you have to bring it into the physical world otherwise it’s just more mental fluff.

If my finances don’t change, I’ll be dead in two years. I’m not going to waste that time arguing and proving my points and justifying my words or actions anymore. All the posts prior to this one—dating back years—do that for me. So please, all of you who have been judging me and condemning me and insulting me, please, cut me some slack, I think all those years of articles freely provided to you from the depths of my heart entitle me to a little leeway.

You have to remember, this is my online home, this is my blog, these are my words and “teachings.” If you want to teach me stuff, then send me a link to your blog and if I decide to follow your work, I’ll go to your home.

This is my home, and as a guest here, please respect my decision. She provided a unique tool for me to separate those who are willing to demonstrate they will walk the talk from those who won’t: NonAbusers.org.

So rather than pull a Krishnamurti and start a new blog, I’ve decided to pull a Maharshi and only deal with those spiritual seekers who I feel are serious about my work. You may not agree with my logic, you may be hurt by my decision, or as Noah has accused, you may even call my actions and words abusive, but that’s not my intention. I simply don’t have the physical time for all the mental games. From this point forward, I will no longer spend my precious time dialoging with spiritual seekers who refuse to demonstrate that they walk the talk. This is my home. These are my words. I believe that gives me the right.

There are literally thousands of spiritual teachers who talk about God, Spirit, the nondual and practically every other spiritual topic. They would love for you to join them and bathe in their glory. Other than pay them, they won’t ask you to do a damn thing, just listen to their words and smile rapturously. They are opaque about their personal lives, but they glow divinely on the stage.

I won’t do that. I won’t lie to you, and I swear to God, though I may have disappointed and shocked you, I have never meant to abuse you.

I’m transparent, I’m human, I’m flawed, and I contradict myself on a regular basis. This isn’t a book where I edit every sentence. It isn’t a show I put on for your entertainment. This isn’t a game or a theory or a philosophy.

This. Is. My. Life.

I’m real and I simply won’t apologize for not meeting your expectations.

I can’t make you unsubscribe any more than I can make you get serious. I can and will delete your comments if you are as judgmental of my life or work as both Lokin and Noah consistently are. This is my home and I feel this is my right. NonAbuse is not the same as non-violence. When attacked, by all means, defend yourself, but just do it in as a humanitarian way as possible. To me, on this blog, that is simply blocking self-righteous, judgmental, or abusive users.

Please keep in mind, my asking you to demonstrate your willingness to walk the talk is not some ploy to get you to “seed” NonAbusers. I simply and very literally don’t have the time for such silly games.

As I said previously, “Just imagine how hypocritical a priest, rabbi or imam would look if they refused to take the vow, and you’ll understand my surprise at all the resistance I got from you guys (yes, I hold you to those kind of standards).

believe in you and I hold you to those kind of standards.

So sign up if you are willing to walk the talk. Show me you are worthy of what time I have left and I’ll continue to dialog with you. I don’t believe in excuses or reasons for doing nothingmy drill sergeant taught me the futility of that years ago.

For those who, for whatever reason, aren’t willing to join, I hold no animosity toward you. I truly wish you well.

I’ll not be commenting on this post, nor editing or blocking users on it, so if you feel the desire to vent, then by all means flame on.

Regardless, I love you.

Wayne

[END OF DRAMA]

Passion

Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

FLAGSTAFF, AZTrying arises from the mind.

Passion arises from the heart.

Trying stems from fear and desires.

Passion stems from selfless love.

Fear and desires are opposite ends of the same thread.

Selfless love has no opposite.

I did the healing thing on a woman last night—a woman with a brain injury.

It gave me a massive headache.

Each time I do these healing things, I suspect it kills a part of me—it shortens this temporary life.

But selfless acts require a selfless Self.

And Passion requires a selfless Love.

Focusing On a Subject

Holding It Together

Holding It Together

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—In photography, before you even raise the camera to your eye, it’s important to recognize what will be the subject of the photo. What will you focus on—and just as importantly—what will you leave out of the shot.

In creating a new project, it is important to know what functionality to include and what to do without. What is the subject that you should focus on to bring your project to life?

In spirituality, there are a million people trying to sell you (get you to focus on) a million products and services (subjects), so it is crucial to weed these distractions out if you ever wish to achieve inner harmony.

The only subject that you need to focus on in order to find inner peace is this: Your identity.

Who or what exactly are you?

Note: If you have an answer to this question then I’m afraid you need to keep looking.

24: The Burka

Standing In My Doorway Looking Down

Standing In My Doorway Looking Down

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—[Kiefer Sutherland voice over]: The following takes place between five AM and six AM on the morning of October 10th. Events happen in real time.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Darkness. Aliveness. Glimmer of Light. Swirling. Churning. Confusion… where am I, which direction am I facing, which direction will headlights (threats?) come from, wait a minute… it’s still dark out, yet dawn’s coming, I can feel it, sense it. Arizona? Yeah, Arizona… the woods outside Flagstaff…

Silence. Swirling. Coalescing. Contraction.

I’ve been letting everyone down, I’ve been so caught up in the [REDACTED] project that my readers surely must be bored, drifting off into the ether to find someone who fits a more spiritual ideal, but worse I’ve been letting Michelle down, but isn’t that odd how busy I’ve been on other things while at the same time she’s been busy with other things? Is her life a reflection of mine or mine a reflection of hers? Is reflection the right word? Co-mingling perhaps? but that sounds sexual and I’ve never even heard her voice let alone met her, so maybe she’s got this deep basso voice (is basso the right word? a deep bull-frog voice?), wouldn’t that be weird, but I think I understand the Rumi/Sham(?) connection now, how he called Sham(?), a guy, his beloved because maybe he was talking about that famed guru/student “co-mingling” of souls—separate but (sort of) one, and… and I am letting everyone down, I just haven’t had anything spiritual to talk about lately, but then there was something Michelle said last night that struck me… what was it again? Something about faith… something like she knows that She/God’s going to take care of her. Am I the teacher or is Michelle the teacher? You dumb-ass, you’re constantly admonishing your readers not to use OR’s but AND’s, so of course it’s both… teacher/student, co-mingling, separate but one. same thing you idiot, but I am letting everyone down… and faith, that’s it, faith is what (ironically) so many religions lack, faith is meaning and religions are rules, faith isn’t about following rules but following the Light. The Light is never going to tell you to cut off someone’s head, yet practically all religions talk about killing sinners or at least Divine retribution which is just a projection of wanting to kill those who don’t think or act like you. Fucking amazing… violently aggressive people—bullies—are the bane of the World… and particularly this whole ISIS movement with their we’re right your wrong so let’s kill you because God’s on our side attitude and let’s put all women in burkas and I’m really getting fat and maybe that’s not such a bad thing ’cause it kind of shows the world that I think of my body like a burka, like this burden I carry around while I’m this Light of Awareness that peeks out the little slot that those poor women peer out of, trapped in the damn things, and I wonder if that’s why I get those double-takes so often from strangers, the he’s just another old guy sitting there just like everyone else and I’ve got a million wait what was that, there’s something odd about him, oh crap he caught me peering at him, quick look down at your phone… I wonder if that’s it, a burka-thing, a Light peering out of this damn lump of flesh covering me up, but that sounds really pompous cause it sounds like I’m special, but everyone’s wearing a burka, they just don’t know it and I wonder if that was the intended meaning of the angel in It’s A Wonderful Life who was trying to get his wings, was he just trying to get rid of his burka? That in service to others you “earn” your wings, drop the burka? Dunno, probably stretching that one, but man, why is my mind so flooded with these spiritual ideas all of the sudden? Is it Michelle re-starting her practice? I like that she has faith, that she doesn’t do what I tell her, that would be kinda creepy cult-like, but takes my meaning and bends it to fit her life. I say “A” and she makes it into “A-prime”. It’s beautiful and cool, but whatever, at least I’ve finally got some material to blog about, maybe I’ll write about Faith this morning, yeah, kinda excited about that, but I need a photo and look at that, morning light, perfect for photography, time to get up and man, do I have to pee. Does standing up make you need to pee? Is it a gravity thing? There’s no one around camp, so I can pee outside and please don’t let the door be jammed and whooo it’s nippy out and look at my sandals sitting there on the ground, I can actually see the Light shining up out of the soil around them. Damn, I wish I could capture that in my photos, capture Her Light, but seriously now, maybe you should start censoring what you write about, if [REDACTED] ever takes off, they’ll be looking into your personal life and if they ever got inside your head they’d have you committed in a heartbeat…

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Progress and Motivation and Spiritual Growth

The Photographer and the North Rim

The Photographer and the North Rim

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Progress is slow on the new website I’m designing. I’ve spent the last two days buried deep in technical pages while researching various open-source packages.

And while not a line of code has been written, I’ve still learned a lot. I’ve grown. And because I’m learning all this new stuff, it’s keeping me motivated.

Though no code has been written, I’ve progressed.

For about 20 years I did the, “Who am I?” inquiry that Ramana Maharshi advocated. This question is designed to reveal the core of the Self (if you can see it, it’s not you). 20 years of my life, yet I never felt rewarded. I never progressed much with the technique.

I suspect most students of traditional non-dual teachings feel the same. The drop-the-ego-all-at-once technique is so all or nothing. They don’t see any progress. Just maybe a big bang sometime in the unforeseeable future.

It’s discouraging.

Mystical Oneness—with its gradual approach—is different in that respect. You see and feel progress almost immediately. The Eternal practice helps you overcome fear. The Radiance practice helps you become more loving. The Emptiness practice helps you see through your thoughts.

Day-by-day you feel yourself progressing.

And progress helps keep us motivated.

The Unknowable Nature Of Self

A Field Not In Utah

A Field Not In Utah

PROVO, UT—Even if this idea of mine takes off (and why wouldn’t it?), I’ll still be blogging about Mystical Oneness and helping those I can.

The following is from a Google+ conversation between Michelle and I on how undefinable the sense of “you” becomes at the level of Mystical Oneness, but this is the key bit of text:

From Emptiness, you are the space that everything arises in.

From Radiance, you are the center from which the Love/Light shines into this world.

From the Soul, you are the eternal vehicle which operates in the world.

From the Mortal, you are the physical vehicle which operates in the world.

But really, you are ALL these things, and flow between the states.


Michelle Sep 15, 2014

The emptiness and nothingness is so VAST. The gaps are greater. I feel like less. I feel more hollow. Focusing on the present and the connections with what’s around me now helps a lot. That’s what makes me smile.

Wayne Sep 16, 2014

Yes. Look towards any self boundaries and see if they are real. Note, this is strictly related to the Emptiness quality. Radiance and Soul do have boundaries.

Michelle Sep 18, 2014

Oops, I didn’t see this last one. That’s good, I’ll work on it. Otherwise nothing much has changed.

Yesterday I didn’t listen to her. I drove 25 minutes south after work because I was supposed to meet someone, even though she told me I shouldn’t. After I picked up some food and was waiting for her to text me, the meeting she was in at work went too late and she couldn’t meet me. So I essentially drove all that way for nothing. Lesson.

Wayne Sep 18, 2014

:)

Michelle Sep 19, 2014

No i actually can’t see a boundary on the emptiness level. It’s all the same there. Only on the other levels. 

Wayne Sep 20, 2014

So, put some thought into this: Who/What are you?

Michelle Yesterday 12:22 PM

An observation that came to me this morning in more of a sensation was that I must be the space wherein my thoughts happen. This makes logical sense, too, because my thoughts obviously aren’t what perceives everything around me, and the fact that the boundaries don’t exist on the emptiness level.

Michelle Yesterday 12:23 PM

I’ll have to sit with this and see if it can become more real, though. It doesn’t feel very real right now.

Michelle Yesterday 12:24 PM

Well, somewhat real. But not real enough.

Wayne Yesterday 7:58 PM

Excellent observation.

From Emptiness, you are the space that everything arises in.

From Radiance, you are the center from which the Love/Light shines into this world.

From the Soul, you are the eternal vehicle which operates in the world.

From the Mortal, you are the physical vehicle which operates in the world.

But really, you are ALL these things, and flow between the states.

Does that make sense? Does it jive with your experiences?

Michelle Yesterday 10:39 PM

That makes perfect sense, yes. Again, a reminder that it’s okay to have all of these centers at different times.

Michelle Yesterday 10:40 PM

I also got a little bit of the sense that action happens in the space too.

Wayne 8:12 AM

Yes. Everything arises from that space.

Over 2000 years ago Lao Tzu said: The Tao is the source of the ten thousand things.

That space, Emptiness, is what he was talking about. It is the Tao. It is the Source. It is Her before she manifests.

And of course, you are that.

Wayne 8:15 AM

The sense of action, of movement. I often like to visualize myself like a current in the ocean. Sometimes I’m a tiny current. Sometimes I’m like the entire ocean. :)

What I’m trying to get to here is to help you find comfort in the flowing, undefinable nature of what you are. You are not a fixed thing, you are an activity, a verb, a movement… a moment.

Hope that helps.

Wayne 8:20 AM

… a moment… and an eternity. :)

The Dual Lives of Modern Enlightened Teachers

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

LA BARGE, WY—Years ago, I wrote a post, Why Don’t Enlightenment Teachers Blog?. In it, I (not so subtly) implied that the blissed-out state that most teachers present on stage is not abiding—they don’t take it into their day-to-day lives continuously.

The other day, I came across some evidence from 2008 (thanks Lori) that supports this—that the image that enlightenment teachers present on stage is different than their day-to-day life.

Of particular importance is Adyashanti’s phrase (emphasis mine), “…the underlying virus is still very active and gets activated by the energy that flows through me when I teach.”

In other words, while teaching, an extra energy (what I often call Her) flows through him, yet while not teaching, this energy flow is not consistent (though, as in my case, probably happens quite often).

This simple phrase, “the energy that flows through me when I teach,” and its implications, supports a few things I have been saying (and have often been criticized for) for years:

  • The stage presence of teachers is different than their day-to-day presence. On Stage: more TaoGodHer. Day-to-day life: less TaoGodHer.
  • That there is an “other” (intelligence/energy) operating within those who have dropped the personal self. Ie: the duplex personality—the less there is of you, the more there is of Her.
  • The experience of enlightenment/Oneness is a flowing experience. One’s “center” shifts between more contracted and less contracted states of identity (Mortal/Eternal/Radiance/Emptiness).

I see this as very good news. It makes enlightenment/Mystical Oneness far more practical, and more importantly, far easier for the mind to accept, for those who wish to seek it.

I only wish I had heard about it sooner.

The Art of Waiting

The Green River Flows By

The Green River Flows By

LA BARGE, WY—A river flows gently by my door and a nice breeze passes through the van. At 7000 feet, the foliage is already changing, turning red and gold according to their secret timetable. The trees are far wiser about the seasons than I am, so every few days I head a little further south.

I’ve often said how difficult it is to make personal decisions when the personal self falls away. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m torn on which direction to throw my attention: Students, the book, or this new idea that I’m kicking around.

Sometimes when no path is clear, I’ll just flip a coin and abide by Fate, but other times—and this is one of those times—just sitting around waiting seems to be the way to go.

Now “sitting around waiting” sounds pretty boring, but what consciously not acting provides is a sort of space—a stillness—which allows creativity to flourish and the different projects to coalesce and clarify out of the ether.

As ideas come up, I record them and organize them and take notes, but I don’t act on them until I’m certain of which direction to go.

And so I sit in the van and I wait.

And the river, as it has done for countless ages, flows gently by.