Your Identity Portfolio

Tree on a Hill

Tree on a Hill


August 26, 2015 4:22 PM

Though I hadn’t planned it, I woke up expecting to leave my cool and isolated camp today. Two hours later, a shepherd (as in herder of sheep) pulling his little vardo-like wagon and cargo trailer appeared on my mile long, dead end road and I greeted him and said, “Don’t worry, you’re not going to have to back up, I’ll be out of here in five minutes,” and (much to his delight for I don’t know how he could have gotten his dual trailers turned around with me parked there), I broke camp and drove away.

This blog goes through “theory phases” every so often, and I really don’t care too much for them, so I’ll finish off the “Map of Identity” (new Map) with something I realized while creating it: We don’t exist at any one place on the map.Read more…

What I Mean By “I, The Eternal”

Purple Picture Placeholder

Purple Picture Placeholder


August 15, 2015 10:29 AM

There is an inner you and an outer you. This should be quite obvious once you think about it: I have all these inner experiences (thoughts, sense of self, imagination, dreams, desires, …), and I have all these outer experiences (trees, rocks, chairs, friends, lovers, …).

For years, I’ve been saying that to truly grow spiritually, we have to bring our spirituality to life. We have to live it.

With the realization of me, the Eternal (and I’ll explain this term in a moment), I see a wonderful analogy here. … Read more…

My Map of Consciousness (Version I)

A Placeholder Picture

A Placeholder Picture


August 10, 2015 1:50 PM

The result of my OS Reboot. The following is based on my personal experiences, so this “map” will differ from other religious, philosophical, and people’s theories. I doubt it is complete (ie: Version I), and I’m not sure where I’m going with it, but in the interest of transparency, here’s what I/She/We wrote this morning in coffee shop in Colorado Springs: … Read more…

My Notes on the Adya Doc

The Bloom

The Bloom


July 10, 2015 2:36 PM

The last couple of days I’ve been camped in a sweet, clean and beautiful mountain clearing, but with no Signal, a bin full of dirty laundry, the desire for a coffee shop and the sounds of Mankind, I broke camp and headed into Durango.

With no internet, I spent some more time with the Adyashanti doc, taking some notes. I’ve included a modified copy of the doc wherein I highlighted sections I found interesting for one reason or another. Here are my notes if you’re curious. Kind of rough, but that’s the way I roll sometimes: … Read more…

The Leaves On The Stream

My Private Oasis

My Private Oasis

SEDONA, AZ—I watch the leaves—yellow and gold and red and brown—drift along the stream in the desert outside Sedona. Occasionally, a curved leaf falls upon the water and it slides up-current, blown by the wind, dodging in and out of the other oncoming leaves—its shape acting like a sail.

It’s beautiful and it’s pure and it’s mindless.

Sitting next to the stream, in my camp chair, in a private oasis that I stumbled upon by some miracle, I pull open my laptop and type this.

This morning, in Flagstaff, I sold off some DVDs (I buy them used, burn them to a hard drive, then sell them back). With a $16 store credit in hand, I went to the cashier to apply it to another DVD collection when the cashier said, “Oh! You get your purchase for free.” She explained that two people per month get a free purchase, purely at random and this was the first she’d experienced, so I smiled and I thanked her and I handed my $16 credit to the next customer I saw and she was surprised and grateful and amazed at my foolishness and I walked out the door and felt alive and blessed and I left Flagstaff behind me and I travelled south to warmer climes.

When I awoke this morning, I thought about how poorly NonAbusers was received and it angered me because I truly thought this idea could change society and I realized that all the problems in this world are caused by egos and apathy and the problems of NA are just a reflection of exactly that—people too afraid to join or people who just don’t care.

Then I looked out from camp at the forest and the squirrels and the crows all foraging for food and I hear in my head my mother’s voice repeating what she told me the other day when she said, “Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

When I think about the world’s problems, about NA’s problems, I just get frustrated. Only one in a hundred spiritual seekers—what should be the most moral people on the planet—only 1% felt brave enough to say publicly, “I won’t abuse you.”

The mind, the ego, the fears. No wonder the world’s going to hell. Maybe Mankind’s just not ready for peace. Maybe they’re not ready for Her.

“Don’t give up on them Wayne.”

But then I looked back at the still forest and I stepped out of my mind, and I pulled away the self-contraction and my boundaries disappeared and I expanded and the forest and the squirrels and the crows all arose and lived inside of me…

And I felt bliss.

And in this bliss, the rest of the day, like the leaves on the stream, flowed beautifully.

A New Day

This Morning's Light

This Morning’s Light

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—It is a new day and, like the end of any unhealthy relationship, I’m filled with that odd mixture of both melancholy and relief.

As I posted on the NonAbusers blog, sometimes we have to hurt others in the short term, for everyone to benefit in the long term.

If a relationship is unhealthy, then we must either heal it or leave it; for the alternative is dark and negative and filled with spite.

For the spiritual seekers remaining on this blog, what I hope is that we now share some common ground on what it means to be a Mystic:

  • Talking It: The discussion of Mystical Oneness.
  • Walking It: Living Mystical Oneness.
  • Showing It: Our willingness for transparency.

I had originally thought that the only practical (and surprisingly convenient) way to demonstrate both Walking It and Showing It was to take the Vow of NonAbuse, but further reflection says there’s probably at least one other: When you post comments, include a link to your personal blog. Not just a teaching blog, but one that demonstrates you walk the talk. (For NonAbusers, feel free to post a link to your NA profile.)

Anyway, it’s a new day and it’s time to move forward.

Please Unsubscribe

FLAGSTAFF, AZIMPORTANT NOTE: This message is intended for the spiritual seekers on this blog. For all others, please see my previous post.

When I talked about firing my customers, I had every intention of pulling a Krishnamurti and ending this blog. I was going to start another site for only those who I felt were truly serious about Mystical Oneness. I even went so far as to reserve the domain,, and set up the WordPress (blogging) software on it.

But I realized a new blog (and the restrictions I would put on it) would not address all the “non-spiritual” followers of this blog, so I changed my mind.

As I’ve said recently, I set up for the masses with the idea that if enough people participated, it could literally change the world. I still see no flaw in this logic.

assumed (will I ever learn?) that you, my loyal followers (in readership terms), would flock to NA and together we would “seed” it.

You can imagine my disappointment when confronted with the resistance, hell, you can read about it, because this blog is my personal journal—my online home.

Being unemployed and living once again on the Gas Gauge of Life, I can actually calculate my projected lifespan—not in years, but in months (around 20-23). Don’t get me wrong, I love living this way. It adds such a flavor to life that only those who have physically confronted their own demise can truly understand it. It’s beautiful.

A large part of the “flavor” comes from an appreciation for your time. With so little time left, you don’t want to waste it. You want to focus on what is important.

So, as luck would have it—and completely beyond any conscious intention on my part—She provide me with a unique “tool” for separating the wheat from the chaff in terms of who I should spend my time spiritually dialoging with. The tool turned out to be—something I wrote for an entirely different purpose (and still stands on its own).

Ironically, it was your completely unexpected reaction to the site that provided this insight (and all this drama).

As I tried to explain before, my past has taught me that no matter how valid or pure the reason for not doing something, it still results in nothing getting done. Lots of great theories, lots of great stuff happening inside all those brains, but ultimately, it is just mental fluff. If it is not brought out into the physical world, it is not real.

Years ago, my mother asked me what good is all this seeking stuff doing others? How is this real?

My (mental) response was, “Well, there’s a lot of stuff going on up here, Mom,” mentally pointing to my head.

Practically every (other) nondual teacher helps their students do more stuff “up there.” They are focused on your Emptiness, the stuff up inside your head. This is just the mental quality which is only one of three qualities of Mystical Oneness.

What’s the point if we, as individuals, don’t make it real out here? Mystical Oneness is AND’s, you have to bring it into the physical world otherwise it’s just more mental fluff.

If my finances don’t change, I’ll be dead in two years. I’m not going to waste that time arguing and proving my points and justifying my words or actions anymore. All the posts prior to this one—dating back years—do that for me. So please, all of you who have been judging me and condemning me and insulting me, please, cut me some slack, I think all those years of articles freely provided to you from the depths of my heart entitle me to a little leeway.

You have to remember, this is my online home, this is my blog, these are my words and “teachings.” If you want to teach me stuff, then send me a link to your blog and if I decide to follow your work, I’ll go to your home.

This is my home, and as a guest here, please respect my decision. She provided a unique tool for me to separate those who are willing to demonstrate they will walk the talk from those who won’t:

So rather than pull a Krishnamurti and start a new blog, I’ve decided to pull a Maharshi and only deal with those spiritual seekers who I feel are serious about my work. You may not agree with my logic, you may be hurt by my decision, or as Noah has accused, you may even call my actions and words abusive, but that’s not my intention. I simply don’t have the physical time for all the mental games. From this point forward, I will no longer spend my precious time dialoging with spiritual seekers who refuse to demonstrate that they walk the talk. This is my home. These are my words. I believe that gives me the right.

There are literally thousands of spiritual teachers who talk about God, Spirit, the nondual and practically every other spiritual topic. They would love for you to join them and bathe in their glory. Other than pay them, they won’t ask you to do a damn thing, just listen to their words and smile rapturously. They are opaque about their personal lives, but they glow divinely on the stage.

I won’t do that. I won’t lie to you, and I swear to God, though I may have disappointed and shocked you, I have never meant to abuse you.

I’m transparent, I’m human, I’m flawed, and I contradict myself on a regular basis. This isn’t a book where I edit every sentence. It isn’t a show I put on for your entertainment. This isn’t a game or a theory or a philosophy.

This. Is. My. Life.

I’m real and I simply won’t apologize for not meeting your expectations.

I can’t make you unsubscribe any more than I can make you get serious. I can and will delete your comments if you are as judgmental of my life or work as both Lokin and Noah consistently are. This is my home and I feel this is my right. NonAbuse is not the same as non-violence. When attacked, by all means, defend yourself, but just do it in as a humanitarian way as possible. To me, on this blog, that is simply blocking self-righteous, judgmental, or abusive users.

Please keep in mind, my asking you to demonstrate your willingness to walk the talk is not some ploy to get you to “seed” NonAbusers. I simply and very literally don’t have the time for such silly games.

As I said previously, “Just imagine how hypocritical a priest, rabbi or imam would look if they refused to take the vow, and you’ll understand my surprise at all the resistance I got from you guys (yes, I hold you to those kind of standards).

believe in you and I hold you to those kind of standards.

So sign up if you are willing to walk the talk. Show me you are worthy of what time I have left and I’ll continue to dialog with you. I don’t believe in excuses or reasons for doing nothingmy drill sergeant taught me the futility of that years ago.

For those who, for whatever reason, aren’t willing to join, I hold no animosity toward you. I truly wish you well.

I’ll not be commenting on this post, nor editing or blocking users on it, so if you feel the desire to vent, then by all means flame on.

Regardless, I love you.




Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

FLAGSTAFF, AZTrying arises from the mind.

Passion arises from the heart.

Trying stems from fear and desires.

Passion stems from selfless love.

Fear and desires are opposite ends of the same thread.

Selfless love has no opposite.

I did the healing thing on a woman last night—a woman with a brain injury.

It gave me a massive headache.

Each time I do these healing things, I suspect it kills a part of me—it shortens this temporary life.

But selfless acts require a selfless Self.

And Passion requires a selfless Love.

Focusing On a Subject

Holding It Together

Holding It Together

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—In photography, before you even raise the camera to your eye, it’s important to recognize what will be the subject of the photo. What will you focus on—and just as importantly—what will you leave out of the shot.

In creating a new project, it is important to know what functionality to include and what to do without. What is the subject that you should focus on to bring your project to life?

In spirituality, there are a million people trying to sell you (get you to focus on) a million products and services (subjects), so it is crucial to weed these distractions out if you ever wish to achieve inner harmony.

The only subject that you need to focus on in order to find inner peace is this: Your identity.

Who or what exactly are you?

Note: If you have an answer to this question then I’m afraid you need to keep looking.