February 17, 2017 10:18 AM

Doors and windows and stairs and bridges. These used to be some of my favorite subjects to photograph. They featured prominently in Fading Toward Enlightenment. I’ve often been drawn to them. Not always, but often.

Now I understand why. … Read more…

The Lessons of the Little Dark Night

A Light Behind it All

A Light Behind it All


March 29, 2016 1:22 PM

I sat in the Wendy’s and watched the man. He had just raised a cup to his lips when he vanished. One moment he was there, and then he was gone.

He just disappeared. … Read more…

The Awakening of the Mystic

Thai Food Buddha

Thai Food Buddha


March 9, 2016 2:02 PM

From my (limited) research, most spiritual book publishers aren’t interested in autobiographies (ie: “How I Awoke To Enlightenment”), but are more interested in the theory of enlightenment.

In the book I’m working on—though I don’t know how this will be received by the publishers—I’m providing both theory and real-world, autobiographical experiences. My intention is to demonstrate that I’m not just making this stuff up. That these Aspects are distinct phases I went though, and that each provides unique lessons from which anyone can learn a great deal.

With the exception of the Human tier, most of the Aspects are broken down into the following chapters: The Feel OfThe Properties OfThe Awakening OfLiving AsLessons Of; and Advice. While most of these chapters are theory, each Awakening Of and Living As chapter is mostly biography (how I awoke to the Aspect, and what it is like to live as this Aspect).

Here’s an example (standard first draft disclaimer (and still some clunky sections)): … Read more…

Focusing On a Subject

Holding It Together

Holding It Together

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—In photography, before you even raise the camera to your eye, it’s important to recognize what will be the subject of the photo. What will you focus on—and just as importantly—what will you leave out of the shot.

In creating a new project, it is important to know what functionality to include and what to do without. What is the subject that you should focus on to bring your project to life?

In spirituality, there are a million people trying to sell you (get you to focus on) a million products and services (subjects), so it is crucial to weed these distractions out if you ever wish to achieve inner harmony.

The only subject that you need to focus on in order to find inner peace is this: Your identity.

Who or what exactly are you?

Note: If you have an answer to this question then I’m afraid you need to keep looking.

And the Frog Master Sat

My Frog Master

My Frog Master

PORTLAND, OR—Yesterday, the 12th of August, was the five year anniversary of my relationship with the Frog Master. So I thought it appropriate that I spend some time in the spot where I first met him and revisit his message:

Separation from the One arises from thoughts.

Yesterday, on a little rock in a little brook, as if waiting for my return, the Frog Master sat.

I saw him, smiled and took a seat on a rock—the very same rock that started it all. The view was the same, overlooking a tiny snow-fed stream and a small open field and the peak of Mt. Hood.

The brook murmured gently, I took a photo, and put the camera aside…

And the Frog Master sat.

I got comfortable and expanded. As thoughts would come up, I’d shine the Light of Awareness on them and watch as they’d evaporate and their power over me would vanish…

And—still as a stone—the Frog Master sat.

Adyashanti once told me that his teacher once told him that it takes between 5 and 15 years after enlightenment for the mind to settle and quiet down.

My mind is less noisy than it was five years ago, but still more noisy than I’d like—but when it is still, or when I’m aware and can push away or dissolve the thoughts, a vastness and peace fills me.

As I sat there, just as the vastness happened, I glanced down spontaneously…

And the Frog Master sat.

The quiet mind is the bliss state that so many spiritual seekers seek, the radiant glow of immersion in the Present Moment. No self. No self-centeredness. No separation. And yet, unlike the Frog Master, the awakened are aware of it all.

I looked down for confirmation…

And the Frog Master sat.

To transcend the mind—not to beat it into silence or to ignore its usefulness. To drop expectations, to stop measuring one’s development against the mythologies, to relax and let go. To surrender completely to Her will.

And I sat and I’d flow between the Mind and the Light and the Source—different states of contraction, different levels of immersion in TaoGodHer.

And as I’d flow between these states…

My Frog Master sat.

How To Dramatically Increase Your Luck

The Subtle Light of Life

The Subtle Light of Life

CAMP 3 (or 4), MT HOOD, OR—I came down off my mountain to hang out with Randy the Mobile Kodger for the afternoon. When I told him I’d been thinking of using the term luck instead of synchronicity he spontaneously slid into his Southern Baptist Preacher persona (which anyone who has been around Randy for more than five minutes is quite familiar with), and sang its praises.

Synchronicity is just another word for Luck. Good luck. Outstanding luck. Luck bordering on the magical.

From a consistent standpoint, I am the luckiest person I have ever met, and I know at least a dozen people who would agree with me.

I may not have won the lottery (yet), but I have consistently good luck. Outstanding luck. Magical luck.

Why? Because the less there is of the Wayne-thing, the more there is of the Divine-thing, and the Divine-thing has all sorts of resources at Her disposal.

So how do you dramatically increase your luck? How do you “get lucky” on a consistent basis?

  1. Live as if you never die. Research the evidence of the Soul and recognize there is zero evidence to the contrary. Then start living as if you live forever. Your ego (the State-Your-Name-thing) will take a serious hit—and that is a very good thing when it comes to getting lucky.
  2. Open to Radiance. Feel the natural Love you have for yourself, then open and allow that Love to flow outward onto others (people, plants, animals, rocks). Surrender to this Love and whatever naturally arises. Your ego will take another serious hit.
  3. Practice Emptiness. Dig out and drop everything your mind says is true about the personal self. The personal self (ego) is an illusion and it’s all in your head.

Do these practices one at a time or concurrently, but if you do them one at a time, then I strongly suggest you do them in the order above. Pretty soon, there will be far less of “you” in your life and a hell of a lot more of the Divine.

And the less there is of you, the more lucky you’ll get.

Sometimes I Bite

The Yang of Water

The Yang of Water

MT HOOD, OR—My client hated what I had done for him with the forums. His words, “I thought I laid out exactly what I wanted in my email of 5 July 2014. I was surprised when it was completely different.”

Now in the course of just 10 days, I wrote thousands of lines of code, a completely functional forum framework and of the 30 features he had requested, completed or addressed 27 of them.

I was surprised when it was completely different.

Over a month’s worth of work done in less than a third of the time, and only three tasks that didn’t meet with his standards and he saw it as a reason to criticize and an abject failure.

In spirituality, there are two common techniques for dealing with aggressive or disagreeable behavior. There’s the Old Testament method of an eye-for-an-eye, and the New Testament method of turn the other cheek.

An eye-for-an-eye promotes escalation and violence.

Turning the other cheek promotes dominance and abuse.

Of course, modern psychology goes beyond these two extremes with many other methods of conflict resolution, but I’m talking about this from a spiritual perspective.

My technique is a combination of the Old and the New: I bite back to let the aggressor know I’m not some spiritual dishrag, then I ease off, open up and play nice… but keep an eye open for further abuse. That’s not passive aggressive—that’s yang then yin. If the pattern continues (and in the nearly two decades I’ve worked with him, this perfectionist attitude is a pattern), then I will often make simple rules or agreements with myself to act as both subtle corrective measures and personal rewards, ie: “I’ll only work on his projects when I feel like working on them.” If things get better, I relax those restrictions.

In order for this technique to work though, you have to be willing to live as a Soul—you can’t be attached to the outcome, you can’t be thinking this is all very serious and important (as a Soul, you live forever and a simple disagreement is nothing in the context of an infinite lifetime). With this technique, either the relationship will fade into oblivion or they will learn to adjust their behavior when dealing with you.

When you could care less if you live or die (ie: you live as a Soul), then neither dominant nor abusive personalities will have any hold over you. Threats or coercion (whether voiced or implied) lose their power. It is as simple as that.

In this way, living as a Soul (yang/active) acts as an elegant counter balance to the acceptance and surrender of Radiance (yin/passive).

Mystic Michelle

Behind The Flower's Face

Behind The Flower’s Face

MT HOOD, OR—I define a Mystic as someone who experiences the duplex personality. Capital ‘M’ because half that personality is the awakenend Divine within. God is not you, but She’s not not you either. I’m begining to realize that maybe my “purpose” is not so much to help others find enlightenment (the dropping of the ego), but to help them awaken the Divine within. No one can push you through the gateless gate (make you drop the ego), but they can help you weaken the ego enough that God Herself awakens in you.

The less there is of you, the more there is of Her

(I’ve only made a few spelling edits, nothing else. This has been our conversation from where we last left off, up until a few moments ago.)

Michelle Jun 22, 2014

Today I simply had too much activity. This is not great timing for a perspective shift, and I don’t know why spirit had to work things in such a way…because I’m in two interview processes for new positions, a load of “homework” for one of those…and it’s not letting up anytime soon, family vacation is next weekend and, of course, I have work all week. Yesterday when I was sitting alone working on this writing assignment I have to do for an interview process, I took breaks to “blow my mind” a bit. It’s so hard to stay with that perspective with people around all the time! So much self taking up all the space. Annoying.

Wayne Jun 23, 2014

Spirit didn’t make you busy.

Ego, fearing its death, did.

When She wanted to say “No” to all those things, Ego/Michelle said, “Yes.”

She, TaoGodHer, works through everything except the ego. That, I believe, is what the Genesis story of the Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and Man has Free Will was all about. Ego + Free Will is “off-limits” to TaoGodHer.

Now re-read those first three lines I just wrote above.

Michelle Jun 23, 2014

I see what you are saying. Because the family vacation has been planned for months, and because I had completed the application processes previously and am just following through at this point, the busy-ness now feels unavoidable to some extent. However… I do admit that it is very averse to not being busy and keeps that way generally out of fear. It feels as though there is something that must be done at all hours, and it is very afraid of becoming socially isolated from other people. That’s a deep fear.

I am flipping around somewhat in the last day or so. Sometimes I feel like I feel like my ego is “me,” and sometimes I feel like the light of awareness is. Most of today I felt like Michelle because I was so busy at work. When I came home and stay outside for a few minutes, awareness had it again.

Wayne Jun 23, 2014

Hmm. I apologize if that was too harsh. But, it does seem to me She’s trying to tell you something, that for you to go much deeper, you’re going to have to schedule some down time. No hurry, She’s not going anywhere.

Don’t worry about becoming socially isolated either. It may happen while you’re going through the “quickening” but you’ll want it then, and when you come out on the other side, the choice will be entirely yours.

Michelle Jun 23, 2014

It wasn’t too harsh…I think you’re right, I do need to schedule more down time. Thankfully the worst is over (as of just minutes ago),  and apart from the trip I should be able to do more of that now. You know, I had been trying to get a real start on a community project I’d been working on, on and off, for the last year…but various things keep getting in the way lately. A few days ago I flipped a coin to see whether I should even do it or not…Yes. then I asked, should I do it now?…No. I think it’s time to hold off and get myself together first…whoever the hell I turn out to be.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

Had a nice experience this morning at work… Just of seeing myself as secondary, as not really in control, and walking and moving and talking from spirit… Controlled by spirit… Of course my ego self is scared to not be in control… But when I think about it, how could it be? If my ego actually controlled my world, all would go according to its plan. And that’s just not what happens. It spends a lot of its time on damage control from its own resistance, really.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

An aha moment… So I just saw that really I am god. Like everything around me and the heart that guides me is God. The light of awareness is God. And I swear, it almost happened. I started to think and feel: What would it be like if I knew I were god? And I kind of just felt stunned, kind of like my mind and being went blank, felt something shift in my perceptual being (difficult to describe), felt like I wasn’t quite Michelle anymore, and sat down and started almost crying. The veil is still here but it feels thinner… what a strange sensation.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

Now I’ve come down a bit and can describe a bit more how I feel.

I feel kind of stunned, spaced out, first of all. I also don’t feel like there is as much ego. Like I am seeing the world more directly. It feels like I am partially watching myself from a distance. I have the power to either focus on the ego or the God part. If I focus on God I can ask myself, how would I be acting and feeling if I were god? Overwhelming love for anything I look at if I focus on it. I can let it pour out more easily because at least part of me understands that there’s no reason to hide from this love or to let my heart open, open… And I have to focus on it for this to work.

Wayne Jun 24, 2014

Beautiful. I know exactly how it feels, that wonderful… expansion and Light.

See any self-contraction (portal, Michelle-thing, self-centered thoughts…) and pull them away and drop them. Open and open and open.

I’d call in sick tomorrow if I were in your shoes.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

Okay. Maybe I will do that.

Wayne Jun 24, 2014

Good. And don’t feel obligated to write updates here if you’re in the zone. I know what you’re going through. Post if you want to document it, but again, don’t do anything out of a feeling of obligation.

Mine was very tenuous… delicate and I was afraid to lose it if I thought too much. Every time I’d have a thought to blog or tell someone, I’d pull it away and drop it. I tried to do that as much as possible, pulling away and dropping thoughts and resting in the Light and the feeling of Love.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

Yeah I’m scared I have already done some damage that has swung me back a bit in the way of thought/ego… Roommates, though I tried to somewhat avoid them, and some particular friend who is contacting me incessantly. I’ll have to tell them to let me be tomorrow.

Michelle Jun 24, 2014

Yeah honestly Wayne I feel like I kind of lost it… I’m so mad at myself now for letting myself respond to my friend. It made such a big difference. Maybe I might as well go into work tomorrow after all.

Wayne Jun 24, 2014

Have faith. Do the practice. Once the door has been cracked, there’s no closing it. Something has shifted inside you. It may be hard to see right this moment, but you are never going to be the same person you were yesterday.

She’ll take care of you. Do the practice: Radiance, then pull away the portal, pull away the Michelle contraction, pull away your thoughts. Do it before you go to sleep and just keep pulling away everything you can see and experience and realize those things aren’t you. Fall asleep doing this.

See what happens. Surrender to Her. You know She’s real now. She’s got your back.

Michelle Jun 25, 2014

Well I fell asleep before reading that but I feel now that I will be able to slip back into it. I’ll call in today.

Michelle Jun 25, 2014

so far today… Stayed in bed and sat with it all for a while. Two things going on here, two entities in myself just like you always say. Decided to go to a nature trail since most of my significant realizations happened amongst the trees. Easier to consciously be guided by the heart, by her, when out and doing things like this… Driving was interesting. Propensity to laugh uncontrollably at little things. 😛

Wayne Jun 25, 2014

I forgot about the laughing thing. Good times!

I used a version of this meditation to help during this delicate time:

Don’t do it if you don’t want to, or only do some variation of it. You/She knows what’s best at this point.

Michelle Jun 25, 2014

I did that and it really helped establish me in that witness consciousness. I’ll do it again after lunch.

I stopped to get lunch now… Can’t fast with this blood sugar though I’m sure it would be better to. I don’t feel too delicate to talk things out at the moment and am getting a little frustrated, though I’ve also see a lot of progress with my perceptions.

1. I’m seeing the way the boundaries get in the way of the light. And how my thoughts contribute to the strengthening of those boundaries. The meditation (Hortons and light especially) helped with that.

2. My ego is getting super frustrated with how long I’m sitting around doing “nothing” and is trying its best to get me to just go home and do something more stimulating for it. I’m going through phases where my light-of-awareness dominates, at one point I could hardly even find my self though there was just enough of it in there to turn up again… And endless chattering of the self, which I’m having to just recognize as Hortons and barriers to the oneness.

3. The light of is like a rock, pretty neat.

4. I’m not sure what to do. I try to let her guide which sometimes is working. But to some extent there is resistance… I know there’s all this energy locked up there ready to explode or something and I just haven’t been able to let it out yet.

Wayne Jun 25, 2014

#2 & #4: Remember the lesson of the Frog Master. Why can he sit still for so long while it is driving you nuts?

Wayne Jun 25, 2014

Don’t try to figure out what you ARE, just look into what is causing your mental suffering/discomfort. What is keeping you from God Herself?

Michelle Jun 25, 2014

Okay. Frog master thing helped. Being in the woods all day helped. Now unfortunately I am back to my life and it will be busy for a bit… My parents have Italian visitors I’ll have to help entertain tonight and over the next few weeks. But anyhow, the afternoon was pretty wild. Man, I went from being so moved by the beauty of oneness and unity in all I saw… To moved to tears by just seeing a mother and daughter and how beautiful they were… To being almost nothing but eyes again. I got this distinct sense that I am God’s eyes, ears, etc. That’s my function, be a vessel. Overall, I went deep though despite finally being able to surrender to a lot and to see and pull away at my self over and over, it didn’t happen today. I think I need more time to sit in these ideas: who is in the drivers seat… Michelle or her? (I felt both very often today) And where are the boundaries separating me from unifying with everything around me? And pulling away at thoughts/boundaries, seeing them as the inconsequential entities that they are.

Wayne Jun 25, 2014

When around others, let Her/the Light shine (get out of Her way). When you recognize the Michelle-contraction, pull IT away and drop it and let the Light shine. You’re doing great. All of Life is practice.

Wayne Jun 25, 2014

PS: Don’t cling to the idea of enlightenment. Isn’t this wonderful just as it is? The love, the blending, enfolding, and enlivening of God thru you? At this point, I’m largely in agreement with Adya: Now it is up to Grace (out of your hands).

Michelle Jun 25, 2014

Actually that’s a relief for you to say. 🙂 I have heard that in its final stages it’s simply divinely given and was wondering. So that takes that pressure off.

Michelle Yesterday 4:32 PM

Work today has been a bit “trippy” too, highlight being on surrender of my heart. Surrender of my heart literally means letting her have the reigns, do everything. Am able to when focusing but not when doing other things. It literally starts to hurt me now if I am not surrendering to let my heart shine all that light.

Wayne Yesterday 6:02 PM

It’s excellent that it hurts you when you aren’t surrendering. Pain is a great motivator. It also means that you have become confident in surrendering which was quite a hurdle not so long ago.

On losing the awareness of the Light “when doing other things.” This is typical and expected. When I write code, I AM the code. I’m every IF-THEN-ELSE statement. When you write a letter, aren’t YOU the letter? Same thing on more mundane stuff, though you may flip back and forth because of the amount of focus. No biggie and as I say, to be expected. Put aside the myth of abiding awareness. As I said before – – I can’t see it being even possible.

Michelle 7:08 AM

Went to sleep last night surrendering and surrendering. Woke up during the night and surrendered more across my body. Woke up this morning very delicate, soft, less, and I think more naturally surrendered. Meditated on surrender for a while then did a version of the bubble meditation (with a different technique than the bubble tube but similar… My bottom chakra was NOT cooperating) that brought me to see unity again.

Michelle 8:17 AM

I think she is reclaiming control over my body, or my subtle body or something, piece by piece.

The Other Side Of Emptiness

Looking Up Into The Leaves And The Light

Looking Up Into The Leaves And The Light

NEWPORT, OR—Though she hasn’t been “hit” yet with the Realization (“OMG, I’m just a bunch of thoughts!”), Michelle is definitely “tasting” Emptiness and is already running into the problem of “bringing it into everyday life.” This brings her to the point of how I largely function on a day-to-day basis: Radiance post Emptiness/enlightenment. I don’t have a word for this Radiance-after-Emptiness state, but its key difference from “practice” Radiance is that you no longer identify with the portal (think of yourself as the portal), but see it as a natural contraction needed to bring Emptiness into the world.

From our dialog:


More quiet time home thanks to a hurt wrist and personal time from work and I’m able to feel emptiness beneath the me thought cluster. The cluster I call me does have weight and form and familiarity, but it’s still a shadow. Just a heavier one. If I could bring that awareness into my everyday life… That would be amazing.


I’m not convinced that Emptiness can be brought into everyday life.

But, the integration of the levels definitely can. My point is to question the assumption: that Emptiness can be brought into everyday life. Can it? I don’t know of anyone who has done it. I’ve seen a lot of teachers on stage, or giving satsangs, but that isn’t everyday life.

Anyway, keep focusing on Emptiness, but now bring Radiance into play also. Feel the Love and Light arise and shine forth from the Emptiness. I don’t have a name for Radiance-after-Emptiness, but the difference from “regular” Radiance is that the portal/shell now feels like a contraction that is a part of the experience, but no longer you.

Pre-Emptiness, the portal/shell felt like Michelle, now, see if it doesn’t feel more like a bridge or opening that allows the Love/Light into the world… to shine the Love outward and provide it to others.

Try to start seeing the self-contraction as a bridge between the world of Man and the world of the Divine. Let me know how it goes.