PARADISE, MI–The last few nights I’ve been awoken by the thought, “The tire is going to blow out and I’ll be stuck in the middle of nowhere.”
So, on the way to Paradise, MI (Upper Peninsula), I had the one tire that was balding, replaced. But what should have been a 30 minute job became three hours. They stripped a stud and nut, so now I only have 5 nuts holding the (new) tire on instead of six. It’s a Friday of course and there are no studs or nuts for my truck to be found. I told them not to worry about it and went on my way.
I think She’s doing this to me on purpose–wearing what little there is left of me down. Ironically, after each incident, each problem, I feel somehow more open. More serene.
Modern spirituality says you have to surrender, you have to stop. I think that can take you far–very far–but ultimately, if you really want to be one with the All, you have to die for Her. Not just give up trying, but die to yourself so She can run things. You’ve got to say, “I’m done with me. I’m broken. I’m not working anymore. This ‘me’ is a useless piece of crap and is just getting in the way. Take over, Baby. Thy Will be Done.”
There is an amazing feeling of freedom to it.