Truths Once Forgotten

Seen but soon forgotten

Seen but soon forgotten


September 16, 2015 4:10 PM

After spending a few days in the Sawtooth Mountains of Idaho (what a beautiful area!), I rolled down through the foothills and on into the state capital for a little city time. Life is wonderful when home is where the van is.

In filling out the outline for the book, I’m (finally) on the last leg of the discovery phase: going through my entries in A Mystic’s Journal. What’s been cool about this exercise is that I will often come across insights—unbeknownst to me at the time—that were the initial glimmers of key phases of my later development.

Glimmers of Truth that, more often than not, would soon be forgotten. … Read more…

Feeling Distant

A Coven of Bare Trees

CABALLO LAKE SP, NM—From my journal:

Date: February 20, 2013 2:36 PM 

Feeling Distant

I’ve been busy lately. It’s so hard to feel Her presence when the mind is pre-occupied. I feel sorry for those who haven’t learned this yet.

Work has been taking up my mornings, and the building of a cabinet to fill the space next to my easy chair (which replaced my sofa) has taken up my afternoons.

Feeling distant from Her—feeling disconnected—I went for a walk. I came to a locked gate and hopped the fence and strolled across a barren field where chile flourished just a few months ago. Now nothing grew at all. A field of turned, brown and dusty soil.

Across a dry ditch, decaying in the desert brush, stood an old deserted house.

Two empty rooms. The raised wood floor rotting. The walls covered with spray-painted pornography. The artist, quite talented. His style reminiscent of Picasso.

On the roof, a piece of sheet metal banged in cadence with the wind.

Searching around the crumbling walls, the only footprints found in the dirt were my own.

Yoga Tube

The Steam and the Coffee and the Morning Light

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—From my journal

Date: February 12, 2013 7:16 AM 

Yoga Tube

After a long 5am introspection, I got out of bed to do my yoga (I alternate between exercise days (25 pushups, crunches, and squats) and yoga days (5 sun salutations)).

Today, as I stood in the first pose (standing straight, hands in a child’s prayer position), I suddenly found myself doing the “tube meditation” which was a part of my “staying in Oneness” meditation that I used during my awakening, but standing rather than sitting. (Edit for readers: The “Earth Phase” of this meditation.)

I stood there, and with each inhalation, I imagined an air bubble rising up from the ground, through the feet, up the spine, and cresting at the top of my head. On exhale, the bubble would burst above my crown.

I did this for a few minutes—not just visualizing it, but feeling it. It was physically affecting my body as my stance would become more stable with each inhalation (your feet are butted together, making this stance a bit unstable).

I then did a single, slow sun salutation.

Moments later, as I poured hot water over my mornings coffee’ grounds, the sunlight streamed in the window and caught the steam gently swirling in a beautiful dance, only to disappear and unite with the air and I thought,

“That is how I feel right at this moment… both separate and one with the world—a living, breathing being somehow living in both worlds simultaneously.”

I’m going to have to practice that stance/meditation more often.

Authentic Spiritual Teachers

Portals In the Desert

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—After getting out of bed, I immediately wrote this down in my journal. As with most of my journal posts, it’s not well thought out, nor fleshed out. Just a typical (for me) 5am insight. I am no expert on spiritual teachers or their teachings (I don’t follow or keep up with them).

Date: February 6, 2013 6:47 AM 

Authentic Spiritual Teachers

This morning, during my early morning musings, it became apparent why certain (still living) teachers feel authentic to me (Tolle, Adyashanti) while most others don’t.

When you step through the gateless gate at the top of the mountain, you have, as I see it, three choices:

  1. Stay at the top (ie: Ramana Maharshi) engulfed in emptiness and with no desire (rare, since it requires someone to take care of you),
  2. Turn around and head back down (and often start teaching),
  3. Or continue onward, heading down the mountain—not the way you came up, but down the side few people travel.

The truly (in my opinion) authentic teachers, the ones I consider “Illumined,” are the ones who continue onward (#3), who explore the “new” real world on the other side of the mountain. The side where the essences of Life—the core archetypes—are revealed and felt and experienced in their beauty and pureness: Love, Wonder, Lust, Anger, Will, Uncertainty, Gratitude, Confusion, ….

Not the dead, emptiness “world” that most of today’s nondual teachers focus on, but the land of raw, pure, untainted emotions that make up Life itself. Not feelings that are shunned or explained away, nor bent to fit an ideal, belief or theory—but which are felt and lived and experienced unabashedly. The divine world beyond thoughts and theories where God Herself resides in raw purity.

I believe that all authentic spiritual teachers are, by necessity, mystics—that the Will that operates through them is not entirely their own (the duplex personality).

Adyashanti calls God within the Infinite.

Tolle (last I heard) calls God within Presence.

I simply call Her Her.

Note to readers: After passing through the “gateless gate,” when the personal self was seen through, I at first did what most do, #2 above: theorized, explained and pontificated. That was until She finally drove me back up and over the other side of the mountain during the course of the first year with a series of bizarre and ongoing “mishaps.” See September 2009 though September 2010 in the Archives at the right for various examples.


Radiant Advice

The Road and the Riverbed

Since this fits so well with my last post about Radiance, here’s something I shared with Michelle (my “student”), who, in surrendering to the Light, is regularly experiencing the wonders of the Radiant level. From my journal:

Date: February 3, 2013 9:52 AM 

Radiant Advice

To Michelle I wrote:

Yes. At the Radiant level, your relationship with Her/God IS intimate, like two lovers, two soul-mates. I never feel alone b/c She is with me always.

The Light is Her. The Light is you. It’s a weird dichotomy, but like soul-mates, you and your Beloved our joined, are One.

Pull away and drop your thoughts (the shell or portal). Merge with Her the Light your Beloved. You are not your thoughts but the Light behind them. You and She are One… and always have been.

Seeing Souls

Looking To The Sky

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—Before you wake up, when practicing Radiance, you visualize yourself as a shell or open portal with Light shining out of you, radiating through you (either from behind or from your core). The shell/portal feels like you.

After awakening, when you slide into Radiance, a reversal automatically occurs and the Light now feels like “you” and the shell/portal feels like a contraction/hardening of the mind… as something other than you.

Radiance practice is typically used to help you recognize the separation between the personal self and your true essence, but you can also use Radiance practice to help decondition your old, habitual, mental ideas about others and learn to see others as the Light.

From my journal…

Date: February 1, 2013 4:39 PM 

Seeing Souls

Trying to remember to practice looking past the hard exterior of people (the “shell” in Radiance practice) and to see their Soul/Light/Love within.

When I visualize others as these hard masks covering the Light of their soul, then my conditioned judgments seem to naturally weaken.

Everyone is filled with Love (love of themselves, love of their family, love of money, power, possessions, security, etc.), but it is easy to miss this when that Love is bent by their mind and fears—and it is this “bending” of the Love that forms the hard “person shell” or mask.

Of course the real problem is my own mind taking the other person’s mask too seriously, but that’s the point of focusing on their inner being (the Love/Light/Soul within) and not their hard persona.

Deconditioning my old mental habits.

Practice, practice, practice.

Edit for readers: About a month after my illumination, I had a powerful dream of a mask, though I didn’t have a clear understanding of it at the time.

What Would She Do?

Sluice Wheel Over A Dry Riverbed

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—How do you bring your mystic vision into the real world? How do you practice nonduality at work? How is a sage supposed to operate in a business environment?

When dealing with others, when operating in their “real world,” I try to open up to the Radiant Level and then ask myself, “What does She want me to do?”

From my journal…

Date: January 31, 2013 4:37 PM 

Why Try?

Jim wants to do a phone app for SO, but I’m convinced it is a mistake (logic, gut feeling, Her). I think using a browser and a web version is the smarter and safer way to go but he seems to be sold on the idea.

From a logical perspective, why should I care? Work is work, I get paid the same rate either way.

But still, I told him what I know and (more importantly (at least to me)) what I feel. I probably pushed my opinion farther than I should, but now I’m OK releasing it.

My path is the path of least resistance, which is the path of Taoism, which of course is also Her path.


The Impermanent

Dark Playground

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—From my journal

Date: January 29, 2013 7:51 AM 

The Impermanent

Out of the darkness… a bright light—and I awoke to the moon shining in my eyes. The sky was a deep, dark blue in the pre-dawn sky and a low hanging cloud glowed in the moonlight. On a nearby cactus, white thorns glimmered with an ethereal light.

I briefly considered my camera—to try to capture the magic—but the sky was changing rapidly and the moment was fleeting, and a photo would have been technically difficult, so I laid my head back and watched in gratitude as the World transformed around me.

The fleeting, precious beauty of the Impermanent.

Another new day had begun. Another gift to Mankind.

Complete Surrender

Fence on a Path to the Sun

LEASBURG DAM SP, NM—From my journal

Date: January 28, 2013 7:46 AM 

Complete Surrender

In practicing complete surrender to Her (my reason to live?), it becomes immediately apparent that all resistance comes from within.

Insight: ALL of humanity’s problems come from within… from the sense of self.

There is no need to FIX ourselves—ala psychology, religion, self-help—there is only the need to recognize (and then decondition) the false assumption that we are the self.

In other words: If we stopped taking our inner self so seriously, practically all our problems would go away.

I should make a placard:

If you are having problems, it is because you are taking your inner self too seriously.

Date: January 28, 2013 9:29 AM 

Follow Up

An insight from the previous post—maybe a little negative reinforcement will help:

If you take your inner self too seriously, you WILL create problems for both yourself and others.

It’s Not Enough To Just Live

Above a Stark Valley


Date: January 27, 2013 7:45 AM 

It’s Not Enough To Just Live

With a large family trying to come to a consensus on their movie night in front of the local Redbox, I opted out of renting a video and headed back to camp, figuring She must have something else in mind for me tonight.

Later, having decided to start re-watching the entire Battlestar Galactica series (which I have on DVD), toward the end of the first disk, the Admiral was called out by the President on his lie to the sole survivors of the human race. He said he knew where the legendary Earth was and that he planned to take them there.

On his reasons for lying:

“It’s not enough to just live, you have to have something to live for.”
– Admiral Adama, Battlestar Galactica

That resonated with me. That struck me as Her intention—why She interfered—at the Redbox kiosk.

What is my reason to live?

Why was I transformed from a starkly rational man who spent most of his life seeking traditional enlightenment, to becoming a mystic whose life revolves around the Soul, the Love, the Light, the Union, and God Herself? Why did She so dramatically change the direction of this life?

What is the reason?

And is it even for me (my mind) to decide?

#MiracleLog #She