Dual Infestations

Bees Moving In


Apparently, my “no neighbors” remark from yesterday’s post was premature (or anti-precognitive?).

Today, my serene lakeside beach camp became infested—infested I tell you—not with cows (with horns), but with both boy scouts and bees in my air conditioner (the bees are in my air conditioner, not the boy scouts).

My Dark Side immediately pondered, “I’m sure there’s a way to get these two forces to somehow negate each other…”

Why I Pepper-Sprayed Myself

Window and Chimney

Silver River SP, Ocala, FL—While I was staying at Wickham Park, I heard of, or saw, four acts of violence (always on weekends, always due to drugs or alcohol).

How does a Man-of-Her deal with violence? How does one handle “God forgotten” moving through Man?

My answer below the break. (Huh?).

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PS: Today is my Deathday

PALM BAY, FL–Today is my “deathday.” Sort of like a birthday, but in reverse. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had a sneaky suspicion that I was going to die on December 7th, though I never knew–and still don’t know–what year.

Deathdays can serve as powerful reminders of what you wish you would have focused more on in this life (now that it may be too late). So if you don’t have a deathday, I encourage you to pick one.

This year, my deathday kind of snuck up on me (don’t they all?), so if I never speak with you again, “Happy Life Day!” and thanks for all the fish! (A mis-quote from the fourth book of Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy.)

The Unfortunate Fire Ant Incident

Ant Battle

PALM BAY, FL–And now for something completely different.

The other day, the exterminators for the condo association sprayed outside the buildings. When ants in Florida see exterminators their usual response is to exclaim, “What? Is it moving day already?”

So last night, I strip naked, turn out the lights and slip into bed. Unbeknownst to me, an entire colony of fire ants had moved their nest between the top sheet and the bottom sheet of my bed.

Not under the bed. Not between the top sheet and the blanket, but between the sheets… exactly where my naked butt would soon come to rest.

Additionally, by lifting the sheets to climb into bed, many ants clung to the underside of the top sheet, so when the sheet came to rest gently upon my naked and vulnerable body, the above mentioned ants (did I mention they were FIRE ants?) came to rest gently upon my naked and vulnerable genitals.

So let me set the scene for you: An entire COLONY of ants. FIRE ants. In the BED. In the DARK. Naked and vulnerable GENITALS.

I’m sorry to say but it didn’t end well for either of us.

Earl and the Terrorist

Everson City Hall

ON THE LAMB IN BELLINGHAM, WA–So I drift into Everson, WA to honor The Bastard Doug Coone’s legacy, stop in a practically vacant church lot, and hop in the back to take a shower (the mornings and evenings are pretty cold up here, so afternoons are best for bathing). Clean and refreshed, I strap on my camera bag and wander around town taking photos and asking locals about a place Doug used to work at called the “Silver Fox.” The entire time I’m in town, the local police officer, let’s call him Earl, is following me about, giving me the evil eye…

More below the break (huh)?

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Stupidly Lucky

Two Big X's

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–(PARENTAL WARNING: If you are the parent of a stupid and/or accident-prone child, you are advised NOT to read the following article.)

As I’ve often said on this blog, I am a very lucky man. Being very lucky makes up for most of my stupidity and casual attitude toward danger. For an example of this Stupid/Luckiness Yin/Yang-type dualism, see my “Diabolical A/C Removal Project” below the break. (What does “below the break” mean?)
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Why A Stealth Camper?

Victory Landing Park, Newport News, VA

NEWPORT NEWS, VA–I’ve received a whole bunch of emails over the last few days asking why I’m looking for a “stealth RV.” I can sum it up in four words, “The Bastard Doug Coone.”

More below the break…

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Why You Suck. Part I

Lone Reed on a Misty Lake

GUM SPRINGS CAMPGROUND, OUTSIDE WINNFIELD, LA–My belief is that the easiest way to wake up is to:

  1. See and experience how wonderful enlightenment feels.
  2. See how the illusion of a Personal Self sucks (see below).
  3. Naturally drop the sucky Personal Self because you’re sick of it.

Read the full article here

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