I Love You



OAK HARBOR, WA—I didn’t really need supplies, but She sent me shopping anyway. As I navigated my cart up a row, between an elderly mother(?) and her daughter(?), the daughter—hunched over—worriedly says into her phone, “I love you,” and out of my mouth pops, “Why, I love you too,” and mom tilts her head and smiles both sadly and gratefully and I place my hand on the daughter’s shoulder as I pass by and I hear behind me, “Thank-you. Oh god thank-you,” and I walk on.

I can’t take credit for these random acts of kindness (here and here and here and here, and …), She just drives me to places and says or does things before I even have a chance to react. It’s much like that those nights in the casino (here and here)—it sounds kind of spooky, but it is really beautiful and I’m honored and grateful to be a part of it.

The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, Feel of, Mystical Oneness, Synchronicity

Preparing For A Direction Unknown

Awaiting the Wind

Awaiting the Wind

OAK HARBOR, WA—I spent the last couple of days in the Olympic National Forest on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, finishing up some van projects that seemed to need to be finished before I can…?

I sprayed foam in the gap under my new cargo door step, hoping that it will keep it from cracking from repeated stepping in and out. I attached a latch to a cabinet that would keep popping open on bumpy roads. I stuck tiles up on the bare wood wall that anchors the shelves on the passenger side. And I rigged up new blackout curtains—nothing more than $4 red bath towels from Target that “just happened” to fit perfectly over the windows. With the limo tinting, I rarely use blackout curtains but they come in handy on occasion. Because of the tinting, the “curtains” don’t need to be as opaque, so they can be of a lighter fabric. The towels, hung on hooks with grommets, are lighter, more colorful and easier to put up than the pieces of carpet and magnets that I used to use. Rolled up tight, they store in a third of the space that the carpet did. So there’s that.

Oh, and I kept up an ongoing battle re-taping the ceiling tiles that apparently didn’t like the humidity of the rainforest of the Peninsula. Note to self: next time, use the 20 lb. tape and three strips of it per tile.

I was also offered some programming work from two different readers—work which I passed on. These offers were nice surprises, and I’m grateful, but I think it’s (almost) time to take my work, my income, in a more spiritual direction. With this new freedom—freedom of time, freedom from internet connected camps, freedom from being constantly on call, freedom to create—I’m feeling a pull in a more authentic direction. A direction yes, but the destination is still rather vague.

And it is that pull, that feeling of direction, that seems to have been behind getting all those little van projects put to bed… to free up time and energy to…?

Well, to do more for you than I have.

Posted in Day in the Life, VanDwelling

How To Magically Open Doors

The Temporal

The Temporal

CLAQUATO CEMETERY, WA—As I sat in a cemetery, reveling in the beauty of the temporal nature of our physical lives, I thought about a comment made yesterday by Tomislav. He asked, basically, why things have to get so bad before She presents a better alternative.

How to Manually Open Doors

The fact that we are all familiar with the phrase, “When one door closes, another door opens,” suggests that this is practically a natural law.

From a rational point of view, the explanation for this is really rather simple: We aren’t going to change our lives until things get bad enough. Why? Because there’s simply no reason to. Once things do get bad enough, we close a door (quit a job, end a relationship, …), and we become open and receptive to new opportunities. Before we close that door, we are ensconced in our room and much of our energy—energy that could be used to seek other opportunities—is wasted maintaining the status quo.

How To Magically Open Doors

My saying, the less there is of you, the more there is of Her, functions in a similar manner. When you are ensconced in the personal self (ego), you spend a lot of energy maintaining that self. But when you start living as an Eternal, much of that energy formerly devoted to the ego is released, and TaoGodHer begins to awaken in your life. Since She’s actually a part of you (not a separate being as we often imagine a Divine entity), “lucky coincidences” soon start to occur—and continue to occur again and again and again (as I hope my ongoing synchronistic experiences can attest).

But here’s the key point: In order for TaoGodHer to awaken in your life, you’ve got to be willing to close the door marked, “Personal Self” (shift your attitude from me-me-me-everything-about-my-life-is-important-to-me to I-live-forever-so-what’s-the-big-deal?).

I live forever, so what’s the big deal?

Try it. Just for one day. See if it doesn’t change your life.

Posted in Best Of, Duplex Personality, Soul

Signs. Signs. Everywhere a Sign.

Bud and Flower

Bud and Flower

LONGVIEW, WA—An hour after yesterday’s post—where I was guided to help a guy get his truck started—I drifted onward, went to check out a Walmart for a possible overnight stay, and two parking spaces over… sat another guy in a truck who couldn’t get it started. Even before he saw me, I backed out, pulled in next to him, and said, “Need a jump?”

A few minutes later, his engine idling nicely, he said, “Man, I was just looking up to see if there was anyone around who could help and ‘Bam!’ you just appeared out of nowhere.”

It felt as if I was directed to these spots. To help out my fellow man.

And it felt good.

Just like before, it felt like it was a service call, that I had been sent there specifically to help this guy. I hopped into my van, waved, and drove off.

Last night, as I lay in bed, I contemplated these coincidences—that if She wants to provide a purpose for me, She will. I was thinking about these things because I was seriously—very seriously—contemplating quitting my consulting gig because not only was it not flowing, but it was excessively dramatic and I could find no way to ease the tensions and disagreements between myself and Jim, my client.

“Bing.” I reach over and look at my phone. It’s an email from Michelle explaining how a financial “bump” had awakened her survival mode. I smiled. Not at her distress, but at the shear enormity of the coincidence. I was just contemplating a serious financial “bump” myself. I shouldn’t be surprised by these synchronistic events—especially with Michelle—but I always am.

This morning, I wrote a long email to Jim, explaining my reasons for quitting… but I didn’t send it. I wanted to be sure. Not for how it would affect me, but because of how it would affect Jim.

A few moments later, I received an email from another van dwelling friend who had recently found himself unemployed and was enjoying his newfound freedom.

I went to a park and took a long walk to contemplate if I was ready to send the email to my client—if quitting was the right thing to do. Though I was pretty sure it was, I looked up into the sky and—and this is very unusual for me—asked Her for a sign if I was on the right path.

Just then, three egrets flew overhead.

“What? What the hell does that mean?” I thought, confused.

As I lowered my head, a van, the same model as that of the van dwelling friend I’d just talked with this morning drove by.

Question asked. Egrets. Question answered.

Ok, I don’t know what the birds had to do with anything, but the van was a sign (newfound freedom).

I sent the email.

Today marks the first day of a new phase of my life: I quit the contracting gig I’ve had (off and on) for the last seven years or so.

I’m looking forward to what She has in store for me next.

Stay tuned.

Posted in Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, Synchronicity

A Reminder

The View Out My Window As I Write This Post

The View Out My Window As I Write This Post

SOME PARK NEAR THE COLUMBIA RIVER, OR—My relationship with my client (whom I’ve known for about 20 years) is probably at an all time low (his words). One of the downsides of living as a Soul is that normal people will never understand you, and, when they want something from you, they’ll get very PO’d when typical techniques to sway you (guilt, pressure, anger, coercion, etc.) don’t work. It’s not their fault, your value system just doesn’t jive with theirs, so they don’t know how to deal with you since they don’t have anything to hold over you. What is important to them simply isn’t important to you, and vice-versa. As I say, it’s one of the (few) problems of living as an eternal being.

So after receiving a particularly anger-filled email I hopped in the van and I drifted and I thought and I drifted some more and then—less than an hour ago—I saw a marina that didn’t look particularly interesting, but She tugged at me and I pulled in. I drove around the parking lot, not seeing anything of importance, then parked and walked over to use the restroom and a guy I hadn’t noticed before asked if I had a crescent wrench and we fiddled with his battery cables and tried to jump him and we couldn’t get his truck started and I was struck by how much he reminded me of my friend Randy, even driving the same model truck, an old Ford Ranger. Fortunately, he had a manual transmission, so I gave him a push down the slight hill and it started right up. He waved and smiled and thanked me and drove away.

I used the restroom, hopped in my van and drove off, feeling like some mobile mechanic that had just finished up on a call—but in this case, it was a call from Her: “Turn here, help that man. See? I’m still here. Thanks.”

After all the drama with my client today, this out of the blue, directed event, was a powerful reminder that She’s here and present and operating behind the scenes.

Which is exactly the message I needed to hear—and right when I needed to hear it.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, Soul, Synchronicity

Synchronicity and Ceiling Tiles



Edit: After only three days, some of the tiles are coming unstuck. Seems the temperature changes (or western Oregon humidity) is a factor. On the tiles that are coming unstuck, I’ve been adding an additional strip of tape (total of three) to support the middle. If you decide to do something similar, be sure to get tape that will hold at least 20 lbs. I’ll update this as further developments arise.

PORTLAND, OR—I am a very lucky man. A little more than a week ago, I had picked up some vinyl flooring tiles to use to cover the raw insulation that made up the ceiling of my van. My thought was to just peel the back off and stick them up there, but as a test, I only stuck on a single tile. The tile didn’t even make the return trip to Mt. Hood before it fell off.

So, while back in Portland to get the parts I had been waiting for installed on the van, I was going to return the tiles and figure something else out. On the day of my Nissan appointment—yesterday—I saw this post of a blogger I follow and in it she mentions this 3M super tape and the light went off and I didn’t return the tile but bought some of this tape and I think it’s going to work.

I stuck the tape on the fore and aft edges of each tile and they stick seriously solid. I used the 5 lb. tape I found in Office Max, but Home Depot and Lowe’s carry it in 10 and 20 lb. versions also.

Anyway, the synchronicity, the luck, the this-is-one-of-those-mini-miracles I regularly experience is that the same day I needed it (I was going to return the tile), the answer mysteriously appeared.

Nothing earth-shattering, no seas parted or anything like that, but it is just another example of ongoing, odds-defying, beneficial coincidences that so regularly make up my life.

I am a very lucky man. Example after example after example.

The less there is of me, the more there is of Her.

Nothing stands in the way of luckifying your life either… well, other than “you.”

After-ish (still need to trim out)

After-ish (still need to trim out)

Posted in Day in the Life, Synchronicity, VanDwelling

And the Frog Master Sat

My Frog Master

My Frog Master

PORTLAND, OR—Yesterday, the 12th of August, was the five year anniversary of my relationship with the Frog Master. So I thought it appropriate that I spend some time in the spot where I first met him and revisit his message:

Separation from the One arises from thoughts.

Yesterday, on a little rock in a little brook, as if waiting for my return, the Frog Master sat.

I saw him, smiled and took a seat on a rock—the very same rock that started it all. The view was the same, overlooking a tiny snow-fed stream and a small open field and the peak of Mt. Hood.

The brook murmured gently, I took a photo, and put the camera aside…

And the Frog Master sat.

I got comfortable and expanded. As thoughts would come up, I’d shine the Light of Awareness on them and watch as they’d evaporate and their power over me would vanish…

And—still as a stone—the Frog Master sat.

Adyashanti once told me that his teacher once told him that it takes between 5 and 15 years after enlightenment for the mind to settle and quiet down.

My mind is less noisy than it was five years ago, but still more noisy than I’d like—but when it is still, or when I’m aware and can push away or dissolve the thoughts, a vastness and peace fills me.

As I sat there, just as the vastness happened, I glanced down spontaneously…

And the Frog Master sat.

The quiet mind is the bliss state that so many spiritual seekers seek, the radiant glow of immersion in the Present Moment. No self. No self-centeredness. No separation. And yet, unlike the Frog Master, the awakened are aware of it all.

I looked down for confirmation…

And the Frog Master sat.

To transcend the mind—not to beat it into silence or to ignore its usefulness. To drop expectations, to stop measuring one’s development against the mythologies, to relax and let go. To surrender completely to Her will.

And I sat and I’d flow between the Mind and the Light and the Source—different states of contraction, different levels of immersion in TaoGodHer.

And as I’d flow between these states…

My Frog Master sat.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Ego Barrier, Emptiness, Feel of, Radiance, Synchronicity

Ugly Photos, Synchronicity, and the Grunt Work of Writing

Mysterious Lake

Mysterious Lake

MT HOOD, OR—I’m starting to assemble material for my next book tentatively titled, Awakening of a Mystic. It will basically be a collection of previous blog posts (the first-person voice) intermixed with the wiser third-person voice which is similar to the tone and format I used in Fading Toward Enlightenment.

I’ve only just started going through the posts, but I was struck by two three things:

  1. I sucked at HDR photography back then. Still do sometimes.
  2. How deeply and seriously I was living as a Soul.
  3. I hit the road as a nomad exactly one year before my buddy Glenn Morrissette did (we didn’t know each other back then).

Technically I moved into my old class C on the 1st of August, 2008, but that was just sitting in a county park near my brother’s place while I worked out all the kinks. Officially I hit the road (left town) on August 5th, 2008 the same day Glenn hit the road a year later. Strange but true. Though it would be a year before the personal self dropped, She was operating even then in my life. You don’t have to wait for the personal self to drop for Her to wake up. The less there is of you…

On the Grunt Work of Writing

On another note, for those of you interested in the writing process… What I have done is create a very broad outline of the book and assigned tags to each chapter. I am now going through the blog posts from the very beginning and tagging the posts with the appropriate chapter’s tag.

Once all the posts are tagged, the plan is to be able to click on a tag and see all the articles consolidated into one place for the chapter I happen to be working on. From there I can cut and paste the text into my writing program, Ulysses. Then it’s “just” a matter of adding the wiser, what-I-know-now voice between the chapters.

Note: For years, I used Scrivener for book writing, but Ulysses is so much simpler and cleaner.

Posted in Synchronicity, Writing


Lookin' Out My Back Door.

Lookin’ Out My Back Door (doo doo doo).

MT HOOD, OR—Many people assume that when your personal self drops, you stop having thoughts—ie: the mythical state of pure bliss.

These are two separate things.

When you stopped believing in the tooth fairy, your thoughts did not cease.

Same thing with the personal self.

When you stop believing in the personal self, your thoughts will not cease.

As many of you know, I still sometimes struggle with a noisy mind (it’s far less noisy than it was, but still more noisy than I’d like), but I no longer believe in the personal self/ego.

Just like the tooth fairy, once I realized the personal self was just a story—a collection of thoughts that are other than me—it stopped feeling real. It lost its felt sense of solidity.

In other words, to me, the personal self—the ego—is just like the tooth fairy. Just another mental image. Just a thought.

The Divine within can still function in harmony with thoughts, but She can’t function with a “solid” ego/personal self.

PS: I have thoughts on quieting thoughts (ironically) but we’ll address those later.

Posted in Best Of, Emptiness, Personal Self

Miracles, Mystics, and the Divine

The Sun and the Tree

The Sun and the Tree

MT HOOD, OR—I’ve never been much of a believer in the biblical miracles, but—assuming they did happen—I wonder if they would have happened if a Mystic wasn’t involved:

  • Would the flood have happened without Noah?
  • Would the Red Sea have parted without Moses?
  • Would one of the two thieves crucified on the hill have been resurrected had Jesus not existed?

Maybe TaoGodHer needs Mystics as a sort of a conduit or catalyst for Her will to manifest.

If that’s the case, I think the world could use a few more Mystics—Mystics much more clear or empty than I currently am.

Because the world we live in today could certainly use a few more miracles.

Posted in Duplex Personality, Reflections

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