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FLAGSTAFF, AZIMPORTANT NOTE: This message is intended for the spiritual seekers on this blog. For all others, please see my previous post.

When I talked about firing my customers, I had every intention of pulling a Krishnamurti and ending this blog. I was going to start another site for only those who I felt were truly serious about Mystical Oneness. I even went so far as to reserve the domain,, and set up the WordPress (blogging) software on it.

But I realized a new blog (and the restrictions I would put on it) would not address all the “non-spiritual” followers of this blog, so I changed my mind.

As I’ve said recently, I set up for the masses with the idea that if enough people participated, it could literally change the world. I still see no flaw in this logic.

assumed (will I ever learn?) that you, my loyal followers (in readership terms), would flock to NA and together we would “seed” it.

You can imagine my disappointment when confronted with the resistance, hell, you can read about it, because this blog is my personal journal—my online home.

Being unemployed and living once again on the Gas Gauge of Life, I can actually calculate my projected lifespan—not in years, but in months (around 20-23). Don’t get me wrong, I love living this way. It adds such a flavor to life that only those who have physically confronted their own demise can truly understand it. It’s beautiful.

A large part of the “flavor” comes from an appreciation for your time. With so little time left, you don’t want to waste it. You want to focus on what is important.

So, as luck would have it—and completely beyond any conscious intention on my part—She provide me with a unique “tool” for separating the wheat from the chaff in terms of who I should spend my time spiritually dialoging with. The tool turned out to be—something I wrote for an entirely different purpose (and still stands on its own).

Ironically, it was your completely unexpected reaction to the site that provided this insight (and all this drama).

As I tried to explain before, my past has taught me that no matter how valid or pure the reason for not doing something, it still results in nothing getting done. Lots of great theories, lots of great stuff happening inside all those brains, but ultimately, it is just mental fluff. If it is not brought out into the physical world, it is not real.

Years ago, my mother asked me what good is all this seeking stuff doing others? How is this real?

My (mental) response was, “Well, there’s a lot of stuff going on up here, Mom,” mentally pointing to my head.

Practically every (other) nondual teacher helps their students do more stuff “up there.” They are focused on your Emptiness, the stuff up inside your head. This is just the mental quality which is only one of three qualities of Mystical Oneness.

What’s the point if we, as individuals, don’t make it real out here? Mystical Oneness is AND’s, you have to bring it into the physical world otherwise it’s just more mental fluff.

If my finances don’t change, I’ll be dead in two years. I’m not going to waste that time arguing and proving my points and justifying my words or actions anymore. All the posts prior to this one—dating back years—do that for me. So please, all of you who have been judging me and condemning me and insulting me, please, cut me some slack, I think all those years of articles freely provided to you from the depths of my heart entitle me to a little leeway.

You have to remember, this is my online home, this is my blog, these are my words and “teachings.” If you want to teach me stuff, then send me a link to your blog and if I decide to follow your work, I’ll go to your home.

This is my home, and as a guest here, please respect my decision. She provided a unique tool for me to separate those who are willing to demonstrate they will walk the talk from those who won’t:

So rather than pull a Krishnamurti and start a new blog, I’ve decided to pull a Maharshi and only deal with those spiritual seekers who I feel are serious about my work. You may not agree with my logic, you may be hurt by my decision, or as Noah has accused, you may even call my actions and words abusive, but that’s not my intention. I simply don’t have the physical time for all the mental games. From this point forward, I will no longer spend my precious time dialoging with spiritual seekers who refuse to demonstrate that they walk the talk. This is my home. These are my words. I believe that gives me the right.

There are literally thousands of spiritual teachers who talk about God, Spirit, the nondual and practically every other spiritual topic. They would love for you to join them and bathe in their glory. Other than pay them, they won’t ask you to do a damn thing, just listen to their words and smile rapturously. They are opaque about their personal lives, but they glow divinely on the stage.

I won’t do that. I won’t lie to you, and I swear to God, though I may have disappointed and shocked you, I have never meant to abuse you.

I’m transparent, I’m human, I’m flawed, and I contradict myself on a regular basis. This isn’t a book where I edit every sentence. It isn’t a show I put on for your entertainment. This isn’t a game or a theory or a philosophy.

This. Is. My. Life.

I’m real and I simply won’t apologize for not meeting your expectations.

I can’t make you unsubscribe any more than I can make you get serious. I can and will delete your comments if you are as judgmental of my life or work as both Lokin and Noah consistently are. This is my home and I feel this is my right. NonAbuse is not the same as non-violence. When attacked, by all means, defend yourself, but just do it in as a humanitarian way as possible. To me, on this blog, that is simply blocking self-righteous, judgmental, or abusive users.

Please keep in mind, my asking you to demonstrate your willingness to walk the talk is not some ploy to get you to “seed” NonAbusers. I simply and very literally don’t have the time for such silly games.

As I said previously, “Just imagine how hypocritical a priest, rabbi or imam would look if they refused to take the vow, and you’ll understand my surprise at all the resistance I got from you guys (yes, I hold you to those kind of standards).

believe in you and I hold you to those kind of standards.

So sign up if you are willing to walk the talk. Show me you are worthy of what time I have left and I’ll continue to dialog with you. I don’t believe in excuses or reasons for doing nothingmy drill sergeant taught me the futility of that years ago.

For those who, for whatever reason, aren’t willing to join, I hold no animosity toward you. I truly wish you well.

I’ll not be commenting on this post, nor editing or blocking users on it, so if you feel the desire to vent, then by all means flame on.

Regardless, I love you.



Posted in Announcements, Best Of, Mystical Oneness


The Tiny-N-Significant

The Tiny-N-Significant

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—I often forget that not everyone who follows this blog isn’t particularly spiritual. To my friends and family, to those of you who follow this blog because you like the photography or the nomad life or are interested in van conversions, I deeply apologize for the last few posts—those were directed at the spiritual seekers who follow this blog.

I do not consider you my “customers.” I have no intention of “firing you.” :)

To those of you who know me personally, you know I never push my beliefs on you, and I have no intentions of ever doing so. I respect your personal beliefs as equally as I respect my own.

Likewise, I never intended to push you to take the Vow of NonAbuse. The previous post on my disappointment with readers was not directed at you. To vow not to abuse another is a very difficult and personal decision and I’ll in no way think less of you if you decide not to. I only ask that you “pretend” to take the vow for a few days (don’t sign up or upload anything), to see if your experiences match your initial thoughts on it.

To the spiritual seekers who follow this blog… I treat you as sort of informal students, so I (rightfully or not) hold you to a different standard. I’ll address your concerns soon.

Posted in Day in the Life, VanDwelling

Excuses and Firing Your Customers

What Is and What Was

What Is and What Was

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Sheesh. I never saw so many “righteous” excuses as I saw in the comments on yesterday’s post. Your comments inspired a blog post from me over on NonAbusers.

You’ve heard me say it a thousand times: Thoughts are your worst enemy. Excuses are just thoughts taken too seriously.

Seth Godin is famous for saying that sometimes you have to fire your customers. If your customers don’t see eye to eye with you, maybe it’s time to part ways.

About three years ago I took on about twenty students.

They. Made. My. Life. Miserable.

Seriously, it was exhausting. You’ve never heard more excuses on why they couldn’t do this, why they wanted to do that, how much more advanced they were than the others students and how living as a Soul was soooo beneath them and shouldn’t we just talk this through endlessly before we actually do anything?

I fired them all except for Michelle.

Why not Michelle? Because we were on the same page. Michelle was willing to “do the work” (another Seth Godin saying). She wouldn’t give me any excuses, she wouldn’t talk endlessly around it. If she had any questions, she’d ask simple and direct ones and then she’d do the work. Afterwords, she’d relate her findings and we’d repeat the cycle.

She grew rapidly and is a totally different person than when we first started. For my part, it was practically effortless.

You see, Michelle and I had the same philosophy (still do). She was transparent, she didn’t make excuses, and she walked the talk. Sound familiar? Many of you have praised me for those same qualities.

Michelle and I see eye-to-eye. We’re on the same page.

Rob said in the previous post’s comments that maybe I’ve come to a fork in the road. I believe he is right, but the fork isn’t between NonAbusers and you guys, no, not at all. is going to be my “work” career, much like I used to do freelance programming. The Vow of NonAbuse is for the masses. But here’s the thing: If you think you are above the masses because you are spiritual, then I’ve completely failed you in my message. It’s not OR’s, it’s AND’s. You’re divine AND you’re human. No matter what excuses you give me, I still can’t imagine a spiritual person not taking the Vow. Just imagine how hypocritical a priest, rabbi or imam would look if they refused to take the vow, and you’ll understand my surprise at all the resistance I got from you guys (yes, I hold you to those kind of standards).

No. is not the problem here—it is not the fork in the road. is just the catalyst. The fork is whether you guys are on board with me. If—like Michelle and Nathan—you’re on the same page with me. If you’re willing to be transparent. If you’re willing to rise above your fears.

If you’re willing to walk your talk.

That’s the fork I’m contemplating.

I love you guys.

But I may have to fire you.

Posted in Best Of, Integration

Disappointed and Disenchanted

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—The legend goes that Lao Tzu, “weary of the moral decay of life” left through the Great Wall of China and was never heard from again.

It is said (in some book I read of Ken Wilbur’s years ago) that Ramana Maharshi, the forefather of modern nonduality, would ignore students that he felt weren’t taking his words seriously—that weren’t living his teachings.

J. Krishnamurti, disbanded the Theosophists, an organization that raised him and named him their World Teacher, because they no longer shared the same philosophies.

 398 : Total Blog subscribers
 305 : Total Facebook subscribers
  64 : Total Google+ subscribers
1071 : Total YouTube subscribers
???? : Total RSS/Newsfeed subscribers

Total subscribers: 1,838+

Total NonAbusers: 3 (counting myself)

I can’t imagine why anyone would not take the Vow of NonAbuse—especially people who know me and follow my work.

Walking it. Living it. Not just talking about it. I’ve been saying this for years. Even Adyashanti, in the last couple of online seminars I’ve listened to, expressed his discouragement at those who just want to talk theory and aren’t willing to do the practice. As he likes to say, “This is where the rubber hits the road.” This is where we apply it.

Total subscribers: 1,838+

Total NonAbusers: 3

I’m seriously thinking I’m wasting my time here. Maybe I could learn something from those great sages listed above.

Posted in Announcements

Photo Vows of NonAbuse

The Photo Vow

The Photo Vow

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Thanks to a great idea from Nathan, I modified to accept Photo Vows.

I never liked how difficult making video recordings of the vows were, but never thought of just snapping a photo of yourself (with your URL and circle-on-palm showing), and then just typing in your vow. Doh!

Videos will still work though, indeed, they will take priority (ie: if you have both, then the video will display).

Thanks again Nathan.

Posted in Announcements

The [Redacted] Project Is…

A Hardware Bug

A Hardware Bug

The project I’ve been working on is

Let me know if you find any (software) bugs or have any suggestions.

Posted in Announcements

The [Redacted] Project Unveiling (Sunday)

The Stump

The Stump

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—My life is full of synchronicities—odds-defying luck by any other name. I’ve been having doubts about the [Redacted] Project, the project I’ve been busting my hump on these last few weeks. Doubts that anyone will participate. Doubts that maybe I’ve finally lost my mind. Doubts that people won’t just look at it and say, “WTF?”

Then this morning I saw a post from fellow nomad Randy who had wrote about a guy who spent 38 years of his life digging a tunnel through a mountain just because he wanted to.

Kinda puts a perspective on things.

Maybe I have lost my mind. Maybe people will look at it and laugh. Maybe they’ll insult me and fart in my general direction. I don’t know, but my hope is that maybe it will change their world.

Regardless, a few weeks of wussy typing is literally nothing—“We believe in nothing, Lebowski!“—when compared to 38 years of backbreaking, hard labor.

With that sign from the ether (and no, Randy doesn’t know what I’m working on—no one does)… with that sign putting the final nail in my little coffin of doubts, I’ll be announcing the unveiling of the Curiously Mysterious [Redacted] Project here on this blog Sunday morning.

No beta-testing, no pre-release feedback, no covering my ass. I’m the only one who’s seen this project or knows what its angle is—and you all know me, I don’t think like most people—so this project has all the markings of an abject failure.

Still, a few weeks of typing is nothing (Lebowski), compared to 38 years of digging alone in the dark.

Posted in Announcements, Synchronicity


The Void

The Void

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Every time I see the word, nihilism, I think of the movie, The Big Lebowski, and every time I think of The Big Lebowski I think of what a perfect movie it is for any serious student of any nondual teaching because The Big Lebowski is anything but serious.

The Big Lebowski is about the Dude, who just wants to abide (and bowl). The Dude is a simple man who keeps getting draw into the entirely mentally-based lives of everyone else around him: Walter, the war veteran, where everything is about Vietnam; Donny, the clueless guy, who is so trapped in his mind that he has to constantly ask what’s going on around him; the feminist who wants a baby; the gold digger who wants a sugar daddy; the broke sugar daddy trying to maintain a facade of wealth; and of course the nihilists.

“We believe in nothing, Lebowski!”

Every serious spiritual student must face the Void… the Emptiness, the Meaninglessness, the Hell of Eternal Darkness… the Nothing.

Every serious spiritual seeker—because as I’ve said before, it’s all about identity—must face their existential angst.

“We believe in nothing, Lebowski!”

The Dude, chatting up the gold digger, comments on a guy, passed out and floating on an inner tube in the pool (ironically in bright sunlight… a pool of Light) and the gold digger says, “Uli doesn’t care about anything. He’s a Nihilist.,” to which the Dude replies:

“Ah, that must be exhausting.”

In the movie, the nihilists are always excessively dramatic. They are so forcefully adamant. The nihilists, who believe in nothing, take their nothing very seriously.

How can Nothing be so exhausting?

The spiritual seeker when confronting Emptiness—because their very identity is collapsing and at risk—take Nothing very seriously.

How can the Void be so frightening? How can Emptiness be so full of foreboding. How can nothing be full of such… something, such dark energy?

Because when the spiritual seeker honestly looks deeply into the Void, they become a Nihilist, and just like every other character in the movie—everyone except the Dude of course—nihilists believe in a mental concept. Nihilist believe in Nothing, and Nothing (Emptiness, the Void) is a mental concept and mental concepts are exhausting.

It is called the Gateless Gate for a reason. You are stumbling around in the dark, but you’ll never find a wall that you can run your hand along to an opening. Nope, you’ll find nothing. Nor will you come across some giant iron door, that when opened reveals a glorious Light. Nope, not that either.

It’s called the Gateless Gate because there is no gate, there is no wall. It’s called the Gateless Gate because the Endless Darkness that you are stumbling around in, the Nothing that appears so real, is just another mental concept.

“We believe in nothing, Lebowski!”

“Ah, that must be exhausting.”

The Light doesn’t shine out of the Darkness—there is no Gate/Darkness. It is the exact opposite: the Darkness comes out of the Light of Awareness.

The “Nothing” is an object in the Light of Awareness. The “Nothing” is a concept of the mind.

The Tao is the source of the ten thousand things…

The Tao is the source of the Nothing/Emptiness/Void.

The Tao is the Light.

Posted in Best Of, Emptiness, Tao, The Light


Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

Sunset over Ponderosa Pine

FLAGSTAFF, AZTrying arises from the mind.

Passion arises from the heart.

Trying stems from fear and desires.

Passion stems from selfless love.

Fear and desires are opposite ends of the same thread.

Selfless love has no opposite.

I did the healing thing on a woman last night—a woman with a brain injury.

It gave me a massive headache.

Each time I do these healing things, I suspect it kills a part of me—it shortens this temporary life.

But selfless acts require a selfless Self.

And Passion requires a selfless Love.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Mystical Oneness, Passion

See What He Sees

Portrait of a Pine Cone

Portrait of a Pine Cone

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—When I got serious about taking photos, I did what a lot of serious photography students do: I found a photographer whose work I loved and blatantly tried to copy his style.

My hero was Harry Callahan (no, not that Harry Callahan).

But here’s the thing about photography—about any art form for that matter (I include spirituality here): Once you get the theory down—once you’ve learned the techniques—you need to learn how to see.

For a photographer, you need to learn how to see color and shape and texture and negative space. For a musician, you need to learn how to see tone and rhythm and pauses and flow. For the spiritual, you need to learn how to see Love and Light and Emptiness and the Divine.

When I started trying to copy Callahan, I wasn’t trying to copy his technique—I was already well versed in photography theory at that point—no, what I was trying to do was to learn to see how Callahan sees. I wanted to see what Callahan saw before he took those photos.

There’s a saying in Zen that goes something like this, “Don’t try to be like the sages of old, try to see what they saw.”

Once you get your spiritual technique down, try to see through all the mental boundaries. Try to see the music behind it all—the tempo and rhythm and pauses. Try to see the Archetype of Everything.

Once you get the theory down, pull away all self-contraction and open your eyes to the Love and the Light and the Emptiness and the Divine.

And in no time at all, you’ll become one with your art.

Posted in Best Of, Feel of, Photography, Techniques, The Light

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