The Unknowable Nature Of Self

A Field Not In Utah

A Field Not In Utah

PROVO, UT—Even if this idea of mine takes off (and why wouldn’t it?), I’ll still be blogging about Mystical Oneness and helping those I can.

The following is from a Google+ conversation between Michelle and I on how undefinable the sense of “you” becomes at the level of Mystical Oneness, but this is the key bit of text:

From Emptiness, you are the space that everything arises in.

From Radiance, you are the center from which the Love/Light shines into this world.

From the Soul, you are the eternal vehicle which operates in the world.

From the Mortal, you are the physical vehicle which operates in the world.

But really, you are ALL these things, and flow between the states.

Michelle Sep 15, 2014

The emptiness and nothingness is so VAST. The gaps are greater. I feel like less. I feel more hollow. Focusing on the present and the connections with what’s around me now helps a lot. That’s what makes me smile.

Wayne Sep 16, 2014

Yes. Look towards any self boundaries and see if they are real. Note, this is strictly related to the Emptiness quality. Radiance and Soul do have boundaries.

Michelle Sep 18, 2014

Oops, I didn’t see this last one. That’s good, I’ll work on it. Otherwise nothing much has changed.

Yesterday I didn’t listen to her. I drove 25 minutes south after work because I was supposed to meet someone, even though she told me I shouldn’t. After I picked up some food and was waiting for her to text me, the meeting she was in at work went too late and she couldn’t meet me. So I essentially drove all that way for nothing. Lesson.

Wayne Sep 18, 2014


Michelle Sep 19, 2014

No i actually can’t see a boundary on the emptiness level. It’s all the same there. Only on the other levels. 

Wayne Sep 20, 2014

So, put some thought into this: Who/What are you?

Michelle Yesterday 12:22 PM

An observation that came to me this morning in more of a sensation was that I must be the space wherein my thoughts happen. This makes logical sense, too, because my thoughts obviously aren’t what perceives everything around me, and the fact that the boundaries don’t exist on the emptiness level.

Michelle Yesterday 12:23 PM

I’ll have to sit with this and see if it can become more real, though. It doesn’t feel very real right now.

Michelle Yesterday 12:24 PM

Well, somewhat real. But not real enough.

Wayne Yesterday 7:58 PM

Excellent observation.

From Emptiness, you are the space that everything arises in.

From Radiance, you are the center from which the Love/Light shines into this world.

From the Soul, you are the eternal vehicle which operates in the world.

From the Mortal, you are the physical vehicle which operates in the world.

But really, you are ALL these things, and flow between the states.

Does that make sense? Does it jive with your experiences?

Michelle Yesterday 10:39 PM

That makes perfect sense, yes. Again, a reminder that it’s okay to have all of these centers at different times.

Michelle Yesterday 10:40 PM

I also got a little bit of the sense that action happens in the space too.

Wayne 8:12 AM

Yes. Everything arises from that space.

Over 2000 years ago Lao Tzu said: The Tao is the source of the ten thousand things.

That space, Emptiness, is what he was talking about. It is the Tao. It is the Source. It is Her before she manifests.

And of course, you are that.

Wayne 8:15 AM

The sense of action, of movement. I often like to visualize myself like a current in the ocean. Sometimes I’m a tiny current. Sometimes I’m like the entire ocean. :)

What I’m trying to get to here is to help you find comfort in the flowing, undefinable nature of what you are. You are not a fixed thing, you are an activity, a verb, a movement… a moment.

Hope that helps.

Wayne 8:20 AM

… a moment… and an eternity. :)

Posted in Mystical Oneness


Evergreens and Aspens

Evergreens and Aspens

JORDANELLE RESERVOIR OVERLOOK, UT—I made camp last night up in the Uinita National Forest. It’s a beautiful area along the Mirror Lake scenic byway in Utah (SR 150), especially with all the aspens turning from green to yellow to red. I love the freedom this van offers—no pre-planning, just go wherever you want, and camp wherever your van will fit.

With no internet connection and no distractions, it gave me time to think about this new idea I’ve been wrestling with—an idea that has nothing to do with spirituality, Mystical Oneness or students (ergo the dilemma).

I wouldn’t be much of a Mystic though, if I were to ignore Her whispers of late:

Translation: From the Eternal perspective (a Mystic’s “95 year-old Wayne”), what’s the risk? Unexpected example of verbal abuse. Unexpected example of physical abuse.

That’s loud enough for me.

My idea has to do with abuse and what I hope is a practical way of curbing it.

A way that anyone can apply.

A way that starts from within.

Posted in Announcements, Duplex Personality, Synchronicity, VanDwelling

The Dual Lives of Modern Enlightened Teachers

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

The Sun Sets on the Gateless Gate

LA BARGE, WY—Years ago, I wrote a post, Why Don’t Enlightenment Teachers Blog?. In it, I (not so subtly) implied that the blissed-out state that most teachers present on stage is not abiding—they don’t take it into their day-to-day lives continuously.

The other day, I came across some evidence from 2008 (thanks Lori) that supports this—that the image that enlightenment teachers present on stage is different than their day-to-day life.

Of particular importance is Adyashanti’s phrase (emphasis mine), “…the underlying virus is still very active and gets activated by the energy that flows through me when I teach.”

In other words, while teaching, an extra energy (what I often call Her) flows through him, yet while not teaching, this energy flow is not consistent (though, as in my case, probably happens quite often).

This simple phrase, “the energy that flows through me when I teach,” and its implications, supports a few things I have been saying (and have often been criticized for) for years:

  • The stage presence of teachers is different than their day-to-day presence. On Stage: more TaoGodHer. Day-to-day life: less TaoGodHer.
  • That there is an “other” (intelligence/energy) operating within those who have dropped the personal self. Ie: the duplex personality—the less there is of you, the more there is of Her.
  • The experience of enlightenment/Oneness is a flowing experience. One’s “center” shifts between more contracted and less contracted states of identity (Mortal/Eternal/Radiance/Emptiness).

I see this as very good news. It makes enlightenment/Mystical Oneness far more practical, and more importantly, far easier for the mind to accept, for those who wish to seek it.

I only wish I had heard about it sooner.

Posted in Best Of, Duplex Personality, Feel of, Integration, Mystical Oneness

The Art of Waiting

The Green River Flows By

The Green River Flows By

LA BARGE, WY—A river flows gently by my door and a nice breeze passes through the van. At 7000 feet, the foliage is already changing, turning red and gold according to their secret timetable. The trees are far wiser about the seasons than I am, so every few days I head a little further south.

I’ve often said how difficult it is to make personal decisions when the personal self falls away. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m torn on which direction to throw my attention: Students, the book, or this new idea that I’m kicking around.

Sometimes when no path is clear, I’ll just flip a coin and abide by Fate, but other times—and this is one of those times—just sitting around waiting seems to be the way to go.

Now “sitting around waiting” sounds pretty boring, but what consciously not acting provides is a sort of space—a stillness—which allows creativity to flourish and the different projects to coalesce and clarify out of the ether.

As ideas come up, I record them and organize them and take notes, but I don’t act on them until I’m certain of which direction to go.

And so I sit in the van and I wait.

And the river, as it has done for countless ages, flows gently by.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Mystical Oneness, VanDwelling

Muse Interrupted. Moose Interrupted.

Moose Interrupted

Moose Interrupted

TETON NF, WY—The weekend campers had all left, so I had my choice of all the free campsites along the Snake River that I could ever want… but I also had an idea.

Being too creative can be a curse in its own way. You never get anything done.

The muse within is God within, I’m certain of that now. The less there is of me, the more creative I’ve become.

This morning, I awoke with a wonderful idea, and since I do my best thinking while driving, I jumped into the driver’s seat and drove past all those wonderful campsites.

I thought and I planned and, when I found a camp in Wyoming with great connectivity, I researched.

As I was making an afternoon cup of coffee—deep in thought—I looked up to see this moose out my back door. She saw me, waggled her ears and ambled away.

Moose/Muse interrupted.

Damn the mind. Possibly the book, possibly new students, possibly this new idea. I honestly don’t know which way we’ll go.

Posted in Day in the Life, Mystical Oneness, VanDwelling

Existential Angst

Serenity in Grey

Serenity in Grey

ALONG THE SNAKE RIVER, ID—As all the assumptions you’ve made over the years about yourself start to be seen as just stories—as they start to fall away—a deep feeling of existential angst can overcome you.

What is the meaning of your life when everything is seen as temporary, where nothing is permanent, where even the “you” you thought you were is seen as an illusion?

Practically everyone goes through a period of existential angst at some point in their lives, it’s not just limited to spiritual seekers. Most go through a period of depression, “What’s the point of anything? I’m just going to die someday.” They’ll mentally suffer for a period of time, mope about for a bit, then they’ll promptly repress it and go out and find themselves a new car (or job, or spouse, or zip code).

They don’t address their angst, they just cover it up.

Fortunately, if you’ve followed this blog long enough, you know the solution:

Meaning is just an idea that exists only in your mind. Meaninglessness is also just an idea that exists only in your mind.

Both are just concepts—illusions—that exist only in your head.

The only reality is what is happening right here and right now. This moment is all there is.

From some advice I gave Michelle earlier today:

What I suggest when you are feeling the angst is basically Zen’s mindfulness or Tolle’s Now (mixed in with a little mysticism): Focus on what is around you right now. Focus on what you are doing. Anything you focus on (not mental crap), fill it with the Love/Light of Radiance and notice how this connects you with the object. Feel the intimacy with it. Feel how it becomes a part of you, much the way when you touch something, that object becomes a part of you at the point of touch.

Meaninglessness is of the MIND. Physical things are of Reality.

Posted in Best Of, Techniques

The Healing Thing

The Bridge

The Bridge

IDAHO FALLS, ID—In reference to the previous post, reader Rimas asked how I do the healing thing I do. I’m a little hesitant to describe it only because it’s a bit too “woo woo” for my tastes, but in the interest of transparency

Though my technique varies according to the state I find myself in—Mystical Oneness (typical) or No Self (rare)—it always involves the dissolution of the me-thing.

The healing thing I did with my mother a few days ago was similar to what I had done spontaneously while she was in surgery a few years backI/She/We merged/blended with her life force and added to it. This is distinctly different than the No Self version of extracting the disease/damage and taking it into my No Self body that I did in this account.

Basically, the merging method entails slipping into the Emptiness state (seeing and dropping all self contraction/boundaries), focusing on the Light/Life Force within this me-thing, becoming that Light (consciously identifying with it so I can control it), and—in an almost astral projection kind of way—”flying” to and merging with the Light/Life Force within my mother. Once merged, I/She/We expand, brighten and “burn out” anything that doesn’t belong there.

The Identity Block

A theory I have for why this doesn’t work on everyone: My father has fused vertebrae and only one fully functional lung (half of his other lung was surgically removed due to cancer). When I have tried the merging technique with him, I only see a slight increase in his energy level and that only lasts for about a day. But here is a key difference between my mother and father: my father identifies with his bad back and breathlessness—these qualities have become a part of who he believes himself to beand as I’ve posited beforeTaoGodHer won’t mess with a person’s ego (identity).

Posted in Best Of, Duplex Personality, Emptiness, Mystical Oneness, No-Self, The Light

The Trouble With Miracles

Idaho Falls

Idaho Falls

IDAHO FALLS, ID—Yesterday, my mother collapsed and was taken to the hospital. The initial tests showed she had a white blood count of 1 (where 10 is normal) and they suspected she had some sort of blood infection.

Last night, I/She/We lay in bed and did the healing thing. Today, they couldn’t find anything wrong with her. Her white blood count was normal at 10.

Were the initial blood tests incorrect? What caused my mother to collapse? Why couldn’t they find anything wrong with her later? Did the healing thing I did actually work or was it just a coincidence?

I have no answers to any of these questions. There are no definitive answers, and that is the trouble with miracles—they are often ambiguous.

I truly don’t know how I feel about these “healings” (another example and another example and another example and a failed example), but since they have all involved my family, I’ll keep doing the healing thing no matter how uncertain I am.

But here is the thing, if (as I so often say) the less there is of you, the more there is of Her is in fact true (and who can doubt this by now), then the more you weaken your ego (via Eternal/Radiance/Emptiness practices) then the more likely “miracles” will become a part of your life.

And when times are desperate, who couldn’t use a little Divine intervention? Practice, practice, practice.

Note: My brother is with Mom, and he has requested that the doctors run another blood test to verify she is OK. I still haven’t heard back from them, but, in the interest of transparency (and I may be offline tomorrow), I wanted to post this “as I know it at the moment.”

Posted in Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, Evidence

An Example of Cosmic Consciousness

The Light on the Water

The Light on the Water

BIRCH CREEK CAMPGROUND, ID— As the you-thing weakens, Cosmic Consciousness becomes stronger and starts to guide your actions while at the same time feeding you information. It is subtle, not necessarily like a separate entity, but more like an intimate part of you that you previously weren’t aware of. I think my ongoing examples speak for themselves, but it is nice to see this happening in Michelle

Michelle. Yesterday 9:47 PM:

(wgw edit: Michelle explains how a Skype call, which she normally wouldn’t have taken (but she listened to Her whispers so she did) which led to an unexpected counseling session. I’m editing to protect the privacy of the other parties.)


It showed me a few things.

  1. The power of synchronicity to bring me to the right place at the right time.
  2. The reality that even an accomplished person who has met a lot of their own unique dreams can be so dissatisfied. The ego often wants more, I suppose. Seeing the evidence is helpful.
  3. The way she shone through me and gave me things to say at the right time. Come to think of it, I wasn’t trying to control the situation and this allowed those to come through.

Something I’m able to do a LITTLE better since last week is surrendering to let her take the reigns more. My mind still tries to get all worked up over the future and scenarios and whatnot… But I can find myself saying, screw it. I feel that this is something I need to learn before I can substantially progress. She kind of told me that, actually.

Michelle. Yesterday 9:50 PM:

I’m still intermittently seeing myself when I have the stillness available. Sliding in and out when I can. There is space here.

Michelle. Yesterday 9:54 PM:

Cool flash I had after I wrote that… I was walking around and felt like I was her, moving through this self. Neat!

Wayne. 11:34 AM:

All wonderful experiences. All excellent examples of your progress. Look how far you’ve come since we first started talking! (One of the reasons I want new students to blog is so they can look back and see their progress).

“I was walking around and felt like I was her, moving through this self.”

I often experience this, though I don’t know WHAT I am during those “walks.” As I pull away all contraction (portal), there is SOMETHING looking out of this body, SOMETHING experiencing all this, but it isn’t the me-thing, and I wouldn’t call it Her either, but some sort of blending of the two. It’s beautiful. I get there by pulling away the contraction, the mental separation, the me-thing, but let me know if you’ve found another way. :)

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Posted in Duplex Personality, Feel of, Mystical Oneness

Creeks and Driving and Writing Flowing Nicely

Leaves Above a Clear Creek

Leaves Above a Clear Creek

BIRCH CREEK CAMPGROUND, ID—With two coin flips, She guided me first left, then right. No thinking, no trying, no deciding. Just surrendering and flowing and going.

Glancing off to the side of the road, She pointed out a free campground with a crystal clear creek, a creek which now babbles pleasantly beside my rig.

The campground is empty.

I’ve begun writing.

And the writing too, is flowing nicely.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, VanDwelling, Writing

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