All Over The Place

The Field

The Field

CLARKSTON, WA—One of the major advantages to van dwelling (versus typical RV- or trailer-based nomading) is that you know ahead of time that you will find a place to crash for the night no matter where you find yourself—no pre-planning is required, no stress, no energy drain. Pick a direction and go.

On the days leading up to the Labor Day weekend, practically all full-time (non-van dwelling) nomads “go to ground,” claiming a space as their own until the busy weekend is over. This sort of short-term squatting isn’t an issue for a van dweller.

I am, and have been, using the long weekend holiday meandering along beautiful scenic routes (routes where almost all camping areas are filled to capacity) to relocate to a new region where I’ll start my fall migration southward. After I upload this post, the plan is to travel along US 2, which parallels the Clearwater River though Idaho, and on toward Missoula, Montana. Years ago I travelled this route and, as I recall, it was quite beautiful.

Unfortunately, the Clearwater and Lolo national forests are also a cellular dead zone, so, depending on how long I find myself there, I’ll be off the air until I reach the Missoula side some 200 miles away.

Like my van dwelling life where I shift plans and directions constantly and travel wherever I’m pulled at the moment, my creative life has also been pulling me in multiple directions of late:

  • The Awakening of a Mystic book, a historical account from the time between Fading Toward Enlightenment and full integration of Mystical Oneness (around the time of the paradox insight). I don’t particularly like spending time on past events, but I feel it’s necessary in this case to establish my credentials for future works.
  • Spec-ing out a strategy for new students involving an integrated approach to the three qualities (as opposed to one at a time as I did with Michelle) while also requiring them to blog publicly about their experiences (much as I did in my seeker days). If you are interested in becoming a student, please do not start a blog yet, as I’m still working out the details.
  • And a radical and personal experiment in the surrender of non-instinctual self-concerns to overcome deeply ingrained conditioning. This is something I’m doing for my own development, but am already seeing some interesting side effects.

So while offline, I’ll do what I always do in these cases of high creativity: I’ll listen for Her whispers and flow with the Stream.

See you on the other side.

Side note: Just a few minutes ago, I got a message from Michelle (who I hadn’t heard from over the weekend) of her struggles with self-concern while camping. This (unbeknownst to me) was mirrored in my life the last couple days and inspired the third creative direction mentioned above. Bizarre but true. More evidence of the Divine working behind the scenes and the fabled student/”guru” mystical connection.

Posted in Day in the Life, Mystical Oneness, Synchronicity, VanDwelling


Leaves in Light

Leaves in Light

WALLA WALLA, WA—In an email, Rob asked what it’s like to fall in love with TaoGodHer:

In one of your posts you say, “walking, just walking—just a movement, a current, a tide—all happening within God Herself and I fell in love with Her all over again.” What is the feeling of falling in love with Her vs your past experience of falling in love with a regular woman as a separate self?  It seems like understanding this would be an important key for me.

Rob was probably refering to this post if you’d like some background.

In the third grade, I looked over at the new student, Darleen Millee, and caught her looking at me. She quickly looked down in embarrassment, turned red, and I fell in love. If she wouldn’t have moved back to Norway that summer, I’m sure my life would have turned out very differently.

We all know the feeling of love at first sight: Cupid’s arrow strikes and we are instantly enamoured. At that instant, our love for our beloved is pure and untainted. At that instant, it is Ideal Love.

Then the ego (me-me-me) comes into play either on your part or your beloved’s (usually both), and things go downhill from there.

I use the love Darleen and I had for each other as an example of this Ideal Love because, as third graders, our egos hadn’t “hardened” enough to get in the way of the purity. The me-thing wasn’t as solid as it would later become. There wasn’t the sense of lust yet, nor a strong personal desire other than to be near her. I do remember a pang of jealousy when I overheard her say to her girlfriends, “Who’s in love with Bobby Sherman?” and raised her hand (that bastard), but that was the extent of the me-thing getting in the way.

Rob was asking about the love I feel for TaoGodHer. Since She has no ego, there is nothing to get in the way of Her Love. But the only way we can feel this Love—to allow this Love to naturally come through—is for us to weaken the ego.

The less there is of me, the more I feel Her Love… the more this unified (separate but one) Love comes alive. The more we become the Love.

When I walk in God—when I swim in the Paradox—She and I become joined, both separate and one. Two lovers dancing, so enthralled with each other that the ballroom vanishes and the world shrinks to just the two of us. It’s strong and it’s pure and I want nothing more than for it to go on and on forever.

And then it’s gone and I smile and feel blessed to have experienced something so divinely pure, so—paradoxically—ever present but extremely rare.

Posted in Best Of, Emptiness, Feel of, Mystical Oneness, Personal Self

When She Drives

Feeding My Stairs Fixation

Feeding My Stairs Fixation

SNOQUALMIE NF, WA—The first time TaoGodHer takes the reins in your life, it can be a bit disconcerting. After awhile though, you get used to it, trust it, and even come to expect it. Of note are Michelle’s comments marked in bold/emphasis:

Michelle. Yesterday 6:05 PM

  1. This is really frustrating. I’m keeping at it but for the record it’s just frustrating. I’m starting to not like the loss of control I’m starting to feel. And I know you will probably tell me to see who is feeling frustrated. But I’m working on it. I see it all in flashes. The other perception question I am working on too… Whether it’s the same or different from all the others.
  2. This doesn’t have much to do with it, but I want to record it. While I was on the porch just now trying to see what this was and got some clarity on how much it sees and how it sees all of me, I got this flash (once the clarity came in more full force) to where I needed to call someone to sign up for a healing course I had been waffling over because I hadn’t quite felt “moved” in the right way yet… In a flash something came through me and walked me over to my phone and called, and it was definitely NOT me doing it. It kind of freaked me out because it was just not my decision to take this action, not me doing it. I was quite taken aback. Is this how spontaneous action can happen with her acting through our bodies/minds?

Michelle.Yesterday 9:27 PM

Before was unsettling because the sensation of having her move through me involuntarily is not something I’m used to at all. I read over some old synchronicity blog posts of yours for some clarity.

Posted in Duplex Personality, Feel of

A Broader Strategy

A Boat of Still Waters

A Boat of Still Waters

ARLINGTON, WA—In my last post, I hope you didn’t take it as if I thought Mystical Oneness was impractical or selfish. Not at all. I just like to ask myself the tough questions so I’m sure I’m on the right track.

The practice of Mystical Oneness is far more practical, livable, and achievable than any other non-dual teaching I’ve come across. Most non-dual practices focus primarily on the Emptiness quality (the mental/theoretical), and largely ignore the Radiant (emotional) and Eternal (applied).

Most non-dual practices simply aren’t real-world practices—not to the extent that MO is. You can only take Emptiness so far in the real world before its idealism collapses. Because MO is so practical and authentic, it not only benefits the practitioner, but also those whom the practitioner interacts with. It automatically helps others.

No, I’m not criticizing MO nor thinking of changing it. I’m just contemplating a broader strategy than I was a few days ago.

Posted in Mystical Oneness

Something’s Wrong With The World Today…

A Place To Rest

A Place To Rest

MT BAKER NF, WA—Though people have been saying this for ages, lately the world really does seem to be going to hell.

What’s the point of all this practice of Radiance and Emptiness and the Eternal? Isn’t it all a form of escapism? Just how is Mystical Oneness practical? Who’s it benefit except yourself? Isn’t it all—ironically—self-centered?

With my new-found freedom, I’ve been thinking about these questions a lot lately. I’ve been wondering if maybe I need to shift my focus just a wee bit higher than I have been.

Take a look at the world today. I believe that 90% of today’s problems would vanish if people would stop taking their thoughts so seriously.

Go ahead and read the news and see if you don’t agree with me. “That guy is taking his thoughts too seriously. That guy is too. And him, and her, and those guys…”

The less there is of the ego, the more there is of LoveLuck and Serenity.

More Love. More Luck. More Serenity. I think that would make for a much better world.

Maybe I’ve been thinking too small…

Posted in Mystical Oneness

Blackmailing Myself

The "I Was Here" Postcard Shot

The “I Was Here” Postcard Shot

MT BAKER NF, WA—Sometimes, I blackmail myself: You’re not leaving this spot until you get X done. In this case, “X” was to go through all my past blog posts and tag them for inclusion (or at least to be excerpted) into The Awakening of a Mystic.

Drudge work, but necessary if I’m ever going to get the book written.

The key to writing a non-fiction book is to break it down into little steps, focus on the the next task, throw yourself into it, and check it off the list.

Then repeat.

And repeat. And repeat.

I was dreading that one—reading and deciding and tagging all those posts.

It took me three days at the computer. Yuck.

But it feels good now. Hell, it feels great.

Posted in Writing

Pushing The Boundaries

A Sweet Camp

A Sweet Camp

MT BAKER NF, WA—Because her ego is in its dying throes, it was causing Michelle to feel a powerful sense of guilt for all sorts of stuff. The ego is sneaky that way—willing to do anything to avoid its demise.

Below is an excerpt from our recent dialog.

A couple things to note:

  • How Michelle is able to see both her guilt and her thoughts as “other” and how insubstantial they are: The guilt can be watched as it swims in and out…
  • The duplex personality has started to take hold: The Michelle part feels guilty, the light just doesn’t.
  • The self boundaries collapsing: First observation is that it is not limited to the space inside my body. I feel that it’s outside of my body as well.

Michelle, Aug 20, 2014

… However–the light of awareness is compassionate to my mind’s burden, to the world’s burdens…but it doesn’t refuse to shine because of “guilt” and “responsibility.” It’s steady. The Michelle part feels guilty, the light just doesn’t. The guilt can be watched as it swims in and out, and I don’t believe it quite so much now.

Wayne, Aug 20, 2014

What if you were a frog? Tell me, as a frog, about the Guilt, and about the Light of Awareness.

Michelle, Aug 20, 2014

After a little over an hour frog meditating, I don’t think that I CAN do that. I can’t.

I did see past myself, and into the vastness to the point where it scared me again, though. And mind/self feels less real now, thank goodness.

I suppose my mind wants to understand things that can’t be understood. Like, it wants REASONS for things and I don’t know that those really exist, at least in a way my mind and thoughts can grasp. I simply don’t know. To the frog, it just is. Does that make any sense?

Wayne, Aug 20, 2014

What are the PROPERTIES of that which PERCEIVES (

Michelle, Aug 20, 2014

Not sure if I’m hitting the nail on the head here, but this feels worth recording. Was turning that over in contemplation when going to sleep just now and just kind of saw that I actually see everything. It was kind of a flash. There is something (that) can perceive EVERYTHING that goes on within me, all the little movements and parts and thoughts. Everything.

Michelle, Aug 21, 2014

On the properties of that which perceives:

First observation is that it is not limited to the space inside my body. I feel that it’s outside of my body as well.

Wayne, Aug 21, 2014

“Not limited…” Good. Not LIMITED. That which perceives is BOTH inside and outside the body. Boundaries are only of the mind.

Get a feel for that which perceives. Now look once more at the Void. Is it really a void? Is it really empty? Or is it something else?

Wayne, Aug 20, 2014

And as you look at this “Void,” look at “yourself.” See the contraction, the shell, the portal as just a mental boundary (you know this, you feel this).

Now pull away the shell/portal/boundary.

Posted in Duplex Personality, Emptiness

I Love You



OAK HARBOR, WA—I didn’t really need supplies, but She sent me shopping anyway. As I navigated my cart up a row, between an elderly mother(?) and her daughter(?), the daughter—hunched over—worriedly says into her phone, “I love you,” and out of my mouth pops, “Why, I love you too,” and mom tilts her head and smiles both sadly and gratefully and I place my hand on the daughter’s shoulder as I pass by and I hear behind me, “Thank-you. Oh god thank-you,” and I walk on.

I can’t take credit for these random acts of kindness (here and here and here and here, and …), She just drives me to places and says or does things before I even have a chance to react. It’s much like those nights in the casino (here and here)—it sounds kind of spooky, but it is really beautiful and I’m honored and grateful to be a part of it.

The less there is of you, the more there is of Her.

Posted in Best Of, Day in the Life, Duplex Personality, Feel of, Mystical Oneness, Synchronicity

Preparing For A Direction Unknown

Awaiting the Wind

Awaiting the Wind

OAK HARBOR, WA—I spent the last couple of days in the Olympic National Forest on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, finishing up some van projects that seemed to need to be finished before I can…?

I sprayed foam in the gap under my new cargo door step, hoping that it will keep it from cracking from repeated stepping in and out. I attached a latch to a cabinet that would keep popping open on bumpy roads. I stuck tiles up on the bare wood wall that anchors the shelves on the passenger side. And I rigged up new blackout curtains—nothing more than $4 red bath towels from Target that “just happened” to fit perfectly over the windows. With the limo tinting, I rarely use blackout curtains but they come in handy on occasion. Because of the tinting, the “curtains” don’t need to be as opaque, so they can be of a lighter fabric. The towels, hung on hooks with grommets, are lighter, more colorful and easier to put up than the pieces of carpet and magnets that I used to use. Rolled up tight, they store in a third of the space that the carpet did. So there’s that.

Oh, and I kept up an ongoing battle re-taping the ceiling tiles that apparently didn’t like the humidity of the rainforest of the Peninsula. Note to self: next time, use the 20 lb. tape and three strips of it per tile.

I was also offered some programming work from two different readers—work which I passed on. These offers were nice surprises, and I’m grateful, but I think it’s (almost) time to take my work, my income, in a more spiritual direction. With this new freedom—freedom of time, freedom from internet connected camps, freedom from being constantly on call, freedom to create—I’m feeling a pull in a more authentic direction. A direction yes, but the destination is still rather vague.

And it is that pull, that feeling of direction, that seems to have been behind getting all those little van projects put to bed… to free up time and energy to…?

Well, to do more for you than I have.

Posted in Day in the Life, VanDwelling

How To Magically Open Doors

The Temporal

The Temporal

CLAQUATO CEMETERY, WA—As I sat in a cemetery, reveling in the beauty of the temporal nature of our physical lives, I thought about a comment made yesterday by Tomislav. He asked, basically, why things have to get so bad before She presents a better alternative.

How to Manually Open Doors

The fact that we are all familiar with the phrase, “When one door closes, another door opens,” suggests that this is practically a natural law.

From a rational point of view, the explanation for this is really rather simple: We aren’t going to change our lives until things get bad enough. Why? Because there’s simply no reason to. Once things do get bad enough, we close a door (quit a job, end a relationship, …), and we become open and receptive to new opportunities. Before we close that door, we are ensconced in our room and much of our energy—energy that could be used to seek other opportunities—is wasted maintaining the status quo.

How To Magically Open Doors

My saying, the less there is of you, the more there is of Her, functions in a similar manner. When you are ensconced in the personal self (ego), you spend a lot of energy maintaining that self. But when you start living as an Eternal, much of that energy formerly devoted to the ego is released, and TaoGodHer begins to awaken in your life. Since She’s actually a part of you (not a separate being as we often imagine a Divine entity), “lucky coincidences” soon start to occur—and continue to occur again and again and again (as I hope my ongoing synchronistic experiences can attest).

But here’s the key point: In order for TaoGodHer to awaken in your life, you’ve got to be willing to close the door marked, “Personal Self” (shift your attitude from me-me-me-everything-about-my-life-is-important-to-me to I-live-forever-so-what’s-the-big-deal?).

I live forever, so what’s the big deal?

Try it. Just for one day. See if it doesn’t change your life.

Posted in Best Of, Duplex Personality, Soul

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